The Great God Kinney discovers his Achilles Heel
by JustBeAQueen
Summary: AU. Post-series, technically. Brian gets the job in New York in 121... it's AU after that. Neither Brian nor Justin ever expect to see each other again, but they do, and in a place that neither one of them ever imagined. Brian/Justin pairing with lemony smuttiness, after a healthy dose of angst.
1. Justin gets an unexpected request

**The Great God Kinney Finds his Achilles' Heel**

**Disclaimer**: Don't own them, not mine, characters and song belong to someone else. I mean, of course I don't have them… if I had them, do you think I'd be writing? No, I'd be watching or filming.

**A/N: **I know I have other stories I need to be working on that you're probably waiting for, but this came to mind and I had to get it down. It was inspired by Jason Mraz's Butterfly (which is in here, so technically it's a song-fic). The time line might be a bit off, when compared to when that song was released, but I had to use that song, so whatever the time line ends up being isn't that important. And reviews make me happy… constructive criticism and suggestions will be taken under consideration.

**Extended Summary**: Post-series, but also AU after 121. Brian got the job in New York in season 1. He didn't go with Justin to his prom. Justin didn't get bashed, but he certainly was miserable when Brian left. He goes to college and becomes an artist. Brian now owns his own agency, still in New York. Justin has relocated to New York after studying abroad in Italy. Babylon doesn't get blown up, Mel and Linds don't go to Canada. Michael still comes home, opens his comic store and meets Ben. Some of this might not be important, but I know there are those out there who want all the little details answered, whether they are part of the story or not.

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><p><strong>Justin Gets an Unexpected Request<strong>

"Hello?"

"Justin, just the man I was looking for."

"Well that sounds foreboding, what do you want Mark?"

"Now is that any way to talk to your friend and mentor, who's given you a place to sleep, food from my kitchen, clothes off my back and a shoulder to cry on?"

"Uh huh, and again, I say what do you want?"

"Oh nothing big, just a little favor, one time only, and you'll have fun doing it."

"The last time you said something like that I ended up drunk, high and half naked on the bar at Santorini, followed by waking up in some strangers bed with the worst hangover I've ever had."

"That's beside the point, he was fucking hot, and you had a ball…*laughs* pun intended…*chuckle*…and I couldn't have gotten over that break up without you, you know that."

"Oh, that's not fair playing the comforted, do anything for you friend card."

"Well I got play something, and it sure isn't gonna be Anthony."

"What's Anthony got to do… with…no, no, absolutely not, I told you I wasn't going to do that again. Being a go-go boy is one thing, but stripper? You've seen the men that come in to your club, right?"

"Please, Justin, for me, for everything we've been through, I know you don't like being the center of attention, unless it's your art, but I wouldn't ask unless I had to. You're not only the closest in size to Anthony, but you'll be a perfect fit for his costume. I can just see your perfect little bubble butt in it now."

"Ugh…and I suppose if I do this you'll be forever grateful, and you'll owe me, and be my best friend, yadda yadda."

"Actually, you owe me…"

"What for? After that last time you asked…"

"Justin…a month ago, when you were having one of your bad moments, that time of year… you needed me and no one else was available… a no strings, no promises kind of night… you said you owed me… remember?"

…..

"Justin?"

"Yes… I remember, that was a really bad day, nothing was going right, all I could think about was… okay, Mark, just tell me when and I'll be there. And you're right I do owe you, but I really don't like being out on that big stage."

"Good, because you won't be, that's what I was going to say earlier. Anthony was scheduled to work the Eros room tonight…"

"The… Eros room… really? I'll work the Eros room?"

"I take it that's a better offer."

"Are you kidding? Only the best of the best request that room. Not only is there little to no crowd, but usually, well, you know the kind of clientele that requests that room."

"I know, that's why I called you. You were actually my first choice. Yes, partly because of the last month, but also because I knew you wouldn't have any problem with a small room, and because I know who usually chooses that room."

"Thanks Mark, I mean, not necessarily for asking me to fill in at your club, but certainly for thinking of me enough to know that I don't mind your private rooms."

"You're welcome Justin, you just do what you do best at my _gentlemen's_ club, and I know I'll have very satisfied customers. Just wait till you see the costume Anthony had picked out… you'll look 100 times better in it than he would."

"That sounds a bit more than the standard leather pants, vest and jock strap."

"That's because it is, but I'm not saying anymore, well, I'll give you a clue, but you still have to come tonight *giggle* well, you know what I mean."

"Yes Mark, I'll be there, coming is something entirely different… so what's the costume?"

"Hmm… instead of that, I'll just say that tonight the whole club is having a theme to it, something we do once a year, on this special day to gay men everywhere, well, out and proud gay men, here in New York … it's Drag Queen night."

"Oh god… *grunt* you just had to get me to agree before you mentioned that didn't you?"

"True, I did, but I guarantee you that you will be the hit of my entire establishment, shit, this costume was fucking made for you, I mean Anthony would have looked good, but as soon as I saw it… suffice it to say, you're customers will be so turned on, you could stand and do nothing and they'll get off happily."

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"No, well, yes, but not with this, I'm positive that you will knock their socks off."

*sigh* "Very well, Mark… boy if I didn't owe you and know you as well as I do."

"I wouldn't be asking."

"True, you really are a good friend Mark, I don't know how I would have gotten through the last couple of years without you."

"I know Justin… no need to get sentimental right now… you have some cleaning up to do before coming being here at 7pm."

"Cleaning up, are you suggesting that I'm dirty sir?"

*laugh* "I most certainly am, you're probably knee deep in paint and this is Drag Queen night, not Painter or Construction worker night."

*chuckle* "You might just be right about that, alright, I'll put down the brush and get cleaned up, maybe I'll stop by a little early and eat something before getting ready in whatever get up you seem to think is perfect for me."

"Not seem to, it is… and if you come by before 6pm, dinner is my treat, in my office."

"Well, well, I'll be certain to be there early, wouldn't want to miss one of your esteemed chef's creations."

"I'll make sure she makes something that is right up your alley… see you soon, Justin."

"See you soon Mark."

Both men hung up and hoped for the best this evening. Justin because he doesn't really want to do this, but at least the room he'll be in, Jesus, the Eros room, Mark must be really desperate. Only his best dancers/strippers/entertainers get that room. While Justin is no stranger to dancing or stripping, that was quite a while ago, and he didn't really like being in the center stage of Mark's place. All those old queens and closet fags, oh sure there's always several good-looking guys there to just appreciate the show, maybe a little backroom action with more class and experience than the standard gay club. But the ones at the stage shoving money in your drawers, not the cream of the crop to this beautiful, 25 year old blond who could still pass for a twink, and certainly doesn't need any help in the love, well, trick department.

Love…maybe _he_ was right… _him_…he hasn't thought about him in…oh who is he kidding, about 5 minutes. Justin had been in a couple relationships since then… they all ended the same… maybe love was bullshit that people said to get laid but all you got was hurt in the end. Course, he didn't think he'd really been in love, more in lust, or in love with the idea of being in love. He had only really loved and been in love with one person, and he left. True they might be in the same city, but it would hurt too much to see _him_. Well, it might be easier now with so much time in between them, but he certainly hadn't forgotten what the other man looked like.

He had been so devastated, hurt, angry and furious when _he_ left. He thought he would never be the same again. Oh sure, he took Daphne to the prom, not that they stayed long, they danced a little, but that was for Daph, not Justin. Then they left in his mom's car and went home. He went straight to Daphne's, and crashed in bed with her. They had slept side by side many times, thank god it wasn't awkward, it certainly could have been. School was easier after that. Hobbs still gave him a hard time, but at least he got out of there when high school was over. His stupid father had been so happy that _he_ left that he agreed to pay for college, even with the divorce. Fortunately Justin was able to do some research, with Daphne's insistence, that Justin look into all available options and be more than ready when it came to talking to his dad about college.

As it turned out the infamous Dartmouth his father was so insistent he go to, because it was an upstanding and respectable college and didn't waste time and energy on silly kid activities like drawing… Well it was certainly a surprise to Justin to find that they not only had drawing, but you could major in Studio Art, Theater, Film and Media, and they had performing arts curriculum, as well as their own Art Gallery and resident artist. Justin was so thrilled with all this information when talking to his dad about his esteemed alma mater that when Justin showed him all the silly art classes that Dartmouth prided themselves in, his dad was forced to reconsider his opinion about drawing.

So Justin went to Dartmouth, and earned a Bachelor of Arts in Studio Art, and to appease his more business minded father, he earned a minor in Government and Politics, because he knew understanding something about business and politics would come in handy in the art world. Not only do you have to sell your art, you have to sell yourself, but you also have to protect yourself and know what you have the right to and the rights of galleries and collectors.

During his last year, Justin was selected to be part of a group of students to study at the Florence University of the Arts in Italy. Justin was shocked, to say the least, he knew his artwork was great, he was very proud of everything he had done. His artwork was always powerful, whether portraits, nature, people participating in something, or every day activities, Justin's painting always pulled the viewer in. He was known among his peers and professors for his mix of realism and abstract within the same canvas.

Life at Dartmouth was easy enough in his art classes, but it was still a typical school with plenty of jocks and bigotry. He was just very lucky to share one of the few dorm rooms with another gay boy. Not that they had much in common, nor did they really hang out, but in the evening when they would study or work on homework, or just watch TV, it was nice to not be judged or worry about anything.

Fortunately college kids seemed a little more sophisticated than high school kids so he never was bullied or teased like he was at St. James, but that didn't mean that he didn't have his fair share of being called names, or bumped into "accidently" a little harder than an accident. And there was that first night he went on a date with someone. Thank god they weren't bashed or anything, but they were pushed and spit on and told they were going to get AIDS and die. That was the last time he went on a date that far away from campus. Not that he had many dates.

He had one boyfriend in college, and one in Italy. Although maybe the one in Italy wasn't a boyfriend, but a fling. He was Italian student at the FUA while Justin was there. It was definitely lust at first site, and they certainly spent many a day touring the cities of Italy (when they weren't studying) and definitely many a night at a few gay clubs, more than a few nights in backrooms and a whole lot of nights enjoying each other's bodies in every position they could find. Those were some of the best months of Justin's life, so far (well, A.B. as Justin liked calling it – after…him – he doesn't really want to say or think the name, that will make forgetting harder). He was tall, dark and handsome with the perfect physique and bronzed skin and… well, maybe resembled another man in his life that he had missed terribly. Angelo was a beautiful man with a perfect body and magnificent manners (oh shut up, this is important and incredibly romantic) and a stamina that almost matched his own. And his cock…almost as perfect as the most beautiful cock in the world. His ass wasn't half bad either.

So now Justin's back in the good ole US of A… and heading to a strip club, okay, gentlemen's club, Mark was really picky about that. It wasn't your typical strip club, gay club or dance club. It had a restaurant with a full bar (although customers were limited if you were to spend time in a private room), a separate room with three stages for the strippers/dancers, then there was a backroom (but it was higher class than standard, with actual trash cans, bins of condoms, and chairs and couches – in waterproof and stain proof material). Then there were the private rooms, they were upstairs, cost more, and afforded the better paying (and often better looking and mannered) patrons a chance to savor something more than was allowed on the floor. These rooms each had a name and the dancer there performed a number of services, depending on the customer. Not there's anything wrong with anyone's looks, but it seemed the standard man who paid for these private rooms paid for the service, the quality, the stamina, the knowing what you were getting. But they didn't need to pay for it, they could find anyone, but they wanted to use their money for quality rather than quantity.

The Eros room was a simple room, it was like a lap dance, for gay men, and if anything happened between the dancer and customer, it was be consensual, safe and fees to be paid and services agreed to before the dancing started. Although there were times when a patron wanted more services than expected once they saw the dancer, or if there was some connection (which was few and far between – but it had been known to happen once or twice) and something else was wanted. Then the manager would be called using the phone in the room and an arrangement would be made.

Justin was hoping that after dinner, it would be a simple lap dance, maybe a few, he'd be working all night, and you never know how long the customers would stay. He was just happy he could pick the length of time and services rendered. He had no problem dancing and stripping, completely, if requested, but never chose to do anything else at Mark's place. Oh, he tricked, what single gay man doesn't, but there wasn't much thrill or joy. If he had an itch, he would find a scrathing pole *chuckle* or rather he'd "scratch" his pole. Relationships were over rated, and he really didn't know a lot of people in the city.

He had met Mark one night when he had just gotten back from Italy and decided to settle in New York, as he had been approached by a few galleries. He now shared a studio, with a couple other artists, that was owned by one gallery that showed his work. He was just leaving after his shows opening that first evening and met Mark when he bought one of his paintings for his office. They hit it off right away, and up until last month, nothing ever came of their friendship. Although they both knew that was a onetime thing. They were both attractive single men who work well together, but they both had one main thing in common. They both had hearts that belonged to someone else.


	2. Brian gets an unexpected surprise

_"On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale." - Alexander Pope_

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><p><strong>Brian Gets an Unexpected Surprise<strong>

"It will be a pleasure working with you Mr. Jacobsen. I know our agency can meet your needs with ease and confidence."

"I'm sure of it Mr. Kinney, and the pleasure will be mine. That was the best damn presentation I've seen in a long time, and I've been around this town for quite a while."

"Not that many from where I'm sitting *smirk* and I thank you for the compliment, we strive to the absolute best and cater to our clients desires."

"Is that so Mr. Kinney? Then perhaps, if I may be so bold, to ask what does someone do in this town to have some fun."

"You may be as bold as you desire, I certainly hold nothing back, when the situation calls for it. And it sounds like you have something in mind from that knowing tone you're using."

"Too right you are Mr. Kinney…How should I say this?"

"I find the direct approach, no bullshit or mincing words usually works the best."

"No doubt you do, especially based on everything I've seen you and your company do. Very well, I'll come out and say it. I've heard of a newer club in town that I have yet to go to… I was hoping you'd heard of it, the Achilles?"

If Brian wasn't the self-assured, confident, no holds barred man he was he would have certainly choked at that. He didn't see that one coming… and he always prided himself on his gaydar.

"I have heard of it, been there a couple of times, as well, but, and I find myself confessing this, I did not peg you as the Achilles type of person."

"Well Mr. Kinney, in this world, especially in this business, if the package sells, then why correct anyone's assumptions. Not that I'm not proud to be a gay man, but in this cut-throat business, especially in advertising and fashion, looks and perception are everything. Not to mention it doesn't hurt if the competition thinks they can bribe me into selling out. Obviously it hasn't worked yet, but not for lack of trying. They're all completely confused at how I keep rejecting offers and promises. That being said, I'm assuming I have your word, Mr. Kinney that this doesn't go outside this room."

"Absolutely Mr. Jacobsen. I am an out and proud gay man, but it's not something I mention without being asked. And for primarily the same reasons. I used to tell my friend it's not lying if they make you lie. Now that may not work for some people, but in our business, I don't consider it lying, either, just omitting the truth to survive and get ahead in this ruthless industry. Now that being said, I think if we're going to be sharing this information and heading to the Achilles this evening, I insist that you call me Brian."

"Very well, Brian, and please call me Daniel. I hope we will have some time to change into something more appropriate? Or is this a suit and tie kind of place."

"Well, suits and ties aren't out of the ordinary, but I'm assuming you don't want to go just for the food [they both chuckle and smirk at this]. I didn't think so, yes we can both change. Do you have something appropriate?"

"I didn't know what my activities would include while in town, but I was hoping to go exploring, so I do have something I think is appropriate, even for a gay man my age."

"Perfect, since you look as young as I do, we'll both just assume were closer to 30 than anything else, and go get ready for a night that I can promise you'll remember. I've been many places, seen many things, and done more than both of those, and the Achilles certainly takes what they do to a new level. The food is some of the best you'll ever have and the entertainment is not easily topped anywhere, and I mean that in the loosest sense of the word, no pun intended on that one. They do provide absolutely everything a gay man could want for a night on the town all in one place."

"It sounds like you know the place rather well, and it sounds like heaven for an out of towner who wants something better than what I find on my own."

"I have gone there a few times, it's pricey, not expensive, and you definitely get your money's worth, but under normal circumstances, why pay if you don't need to. I do have a couple of clients that prefer the Achilles over anything else. One of them prefers their private rooms, where nothing or anything can happen. You can get truly up close and personal with any number of their boys. I've been known to partake every once in a while if the mood strikes. The men in the private rooms are usually better and more talented than those on the main floor, and I'll warn you now that I have no problems with exhibition, and if the mood does strike, it won't matter to me how else is watching."

"Maybe I'm in over my head here, but it sounds too unique and fun to pass on. You're not my usual type, but I certainly won't turn down just because you might be indulging in the temptations offered. I've been known to get lost in the moment regardless of others watching. I believe it's time we went to our perspective homes and got ready for a promising evening."

"Did you rent a car, or take a cab over here?"

"I took a cab… there's no way I'd try and find my way through this city on my own. I may live in the state, but I'll leave the city life for others. Why do you ask?"

"Well I do have a car, and I know how to maneuver this city very well. If you want a ride to your hotel and then to and from the club, I would ask that you wait in my office, and I'll go grab a change of clothes and we can change at your hotel… don't the wrong idea, I'm not trying to hit on you, if I was you'd know it."

"Of that I have no doubt Brian. And I would be more than happy to accept a ride, maybe you could tell me more of your company and what inspired the changes."

"Very well then; I'll be right back."

With that Brian made his way upstairs to his top floor loft to grab his change of clothes that he knew would work. He didn't need to impress Daniel, and he wasn't trying to fuck the man… although he wouldn't have objected should the offer be made. Daniel wasn't his usual type either. He was a bit shorter than Brian, blond hair that was starting to gray, but it wasn't noticeable, and dark blue eyes. Yeah, not his usual type, at all. Only one person fit that type that he would ever… well, he hated when he remembered that short part of his life. Not even a year, and he had still been miserable. He had to get out of that town, away from everyone that was holding him back, keeping him in the little square ass-hole box that they liked him in. And _he_ needed his own life. He was young, too young to be in love, to know what that was. He needed to be on his own, learn about life and love, have falls and the ability to get back up on his own without anyone telling him what to do or how to get there.

Yep, only one short, blond, blue eyed man would ever wind up in his bed again, or not. Definitely not. Kid was probably older, hopefully wiser, hopefully successful, but he knew he would be. He had a gift, a talent, he knew the kid would be a big, fat, fucking success one day. He didn't ask about him when he called back home or visited. Didn't want to know, didn't need to know, didn't matter anyway. And no, that's not the reason he never, ever picked a blond twink now. He didn't want the adoration, the stalker, the follower, someone hanging on absolutely everything he did or said, he didn't want the worship every single day.

Okay, fine since he's learned and experienced enough to be honest with himself. He supposes he can admit that he had thought of… Justin… now and again. He didn't really mind be followed or worshipped, for an annoying little twink, the kid could talk your ear off, but he was smart, wicked funny, had a great cock… and that ass… and his mouth. Almost 6 years Brian has been in New York, and he had yet to find a trick that was able to suck, rim or be fucked as much as Justin had. Brain knew he had one hell of a stamina, but no one but that kid could keep up with him. He once told Mikey that he almost wore him out. And there was once or twice, not that he ever told anyone, that Justin even outlasted Brian. Although Brian was sure the kid hadn't picked up on it, as he took that time to show Justin how to improve his sucking technique, by demonstrating it, twice. And it had nothing to do with the fact that Justin had the stamina of a teenager or the fact that Brian thought Justin tasted better than any fuck he had ever had.

Brian packed his change of clothes in his garment bag, grabbed his bag of toiletries he kept for travel, and made sure he had packets of lube and condoms. He may not fuck Daniel, but that didn't mean that he couldn't find someone else. He meant what he said about not being quiet or hidden when he fucked. He didn't trick even close to what he did in the Pitts. But he knew that was because he had his own business to run and his own clients to find, while advertising his own business. It had nothing to do with not being able to find enough fuckable tricks, or the fact that the bars and clubs here just didn't do it for him like Babylon and Woody's. He didn't really miss them; he did miss Gus, but saw him whenever he could make the trip. He didn't miss the hunt either, although here he wasn't the predator he was in the Pitts… this is New York, and there are for more predators here than should be in one place.

As they drove to the Four Seasons (he had to compliment Daniel on his hotel choice) Brian filled Daniel on about his coming to New York, the position he wanted and got, the family he left behind, but saw when he could, and talked to as well (minus the mention of a particular blond with that perfect little bubble butt). How after working there for a few years decided to branch out and become his own agency. It was a lot of work, but he was able to bring his best people with him, finally had Cynthia back with him (she couldn't come to Kennedy & Collins), and started Kinney & Perkins Advertising a little over a year ago. He promoted Cynthia to partner, hence the Perkins, she loved it, and deserved it for coming to him. He needed the best to set up his agency, which oddly enough, included Ted. He didn't tell Daniel all the sordid details with that, but did mention that Ted was the best damn accountant ever, and if Daniel ever mentioned that he'd rip his balls off and deny it emphatically.

Brian and Daniel took turns taking showers and changing into more appropriate club attire. Brian had chosen a pair of very snug, perfectly tailored black Armani jeans, along with a long sleeve black, button down, silk Carvali shirt. He had brought his favorite black leather jacket and his black Gucci boots. He knew he looked hot, and from the way Daniel was checking him out, it was pretty damned hot. Not that Daniel was anything to scoff at, with his dark blue denim Prada jeans, white button down silk Carvali shirt, black Dolce boots, and leather jacket. Clearly, while they stated they weren't each other's types, they didn't mind looking and appreciating either. Brian couldn't help but think how hot Justin would have looked (okay, fine, how much hotter) had he worn designer fashions like these. Fuck! He cursed his thoughts for turning back to thinking about a man, no, kid, that he hadn't thought about that often till now.

They arrived at Achilles around 8pm and enjoyed a delicious dinner and made their way to the bar for a drink each while admiring the pert butts, impressive packages and lithe bodies dancing on the stages. And some of the other clientele wasn't half bad either. But Brian knew that Daniel wanted something a bit more private, maybe more to his personal entertainment, so he decided to check out a private room. The Eros room had an opening in 30 minutes from when he asked. Brian had requested two dancers, even though the room normally had only one. Not that he didn't want to share, but if the dancer didn't want to perform certain services, then Brian wanted to make sure there was at least one professional to take care of the hard on he had had ever since thinking about that stupid blond twink back in the Pitts.

Brian was surprised by the strippers this evening, normally they were obviously men, in leather, thongs, jock-straps, the occasional sequin or fringe, but nothing over the top. Tonight, though, was interesting, it seems that it was the anniversary of some famous queens retirement so every year all the strippers and servers dressed in drag queen garb. This should be interesting, since it seemed that even the private dancers they would be enjoying later would be dressed in such costumes. Brian didn't go for drag queens (he barely tolerated Emmett on a normal day, without make-up) or trannies or any gay man pretending to be something they are not. But tonight, while he didn't quite appreciate it, he would tolerate and respect it.

These were still gay men, and these were still trying times and if they wanted to honor a drag queen that was out and proud, then who was he as a fellow gay man (trying to make his way in his own business in the Big Apple) to deny them this opportunity. As long as the queen that would be stripping for them, actually stripped and he got to see a cock and got his cock at least sucked, then the evening would be well worth it. Brian meant it when he said he hadn't been there that often, but any sexual services given or received in the private rooms were offered by those who could out perform any random trick, so at least Brian would get something better than normal… maybe as good as Jus… fuck! He needed to get his dick sucked so he would stop thinking about that fucking twinkie.

Finally Brian and Daniel were being taken to the Eros room… which was only lit from the back of the room. The small stage, with one pole, was completely dark, but the room was small enough and there was just enough light that you could see two figures standing on the stage. Both with their backs turned, one in white, one in black, both with their heads down. Once his eyes adjusted Brian could easily see both figures. His eyes went right to the man in black, who looked like he had dark skin, who was on the further side, and apparently had held Daniel's eyes captive. He was impressive, and wondered if his front was equally impressive. Then Brian's eyes glanced at the man in white (in front of him, on "his side" of the room) and his eyes and body froze, for a moment, on the most perfect ass he had ever seen, well, since…holy shit, they looked so fucking similar.

And he was apparently short and blond, well at least the wig was blond. He wasn't sure who they were impersonating, but if he had to guess, the blond was Marilyn Monroe, in her infamous white halter dress with the pleated skirt, low, low back and white heels…this man had great legs and… that neck… oh yeah, he could picture nibbling and sucking on it, if his front was anything like the back… Brian was in for one hell of a night. Daniel's man in black seemed either Diana Ross or Tina Turner, the hair looked more Tina than Diana. The small colored lights above the stage were coming on and gradually becoming brighter… Brian could now tell that "Tina" was black, but more of a dark café au lait, than black coffee, with great legs and arms… not quite drag queen legs and arms, but they wouldn't be in clothes for long. However, Brian kept finding his eyes going back to his blond… the blond, not his blond, although he was on his side, that's what Brian meant.

The blond's legs, back, arms, neck, and that ass… shit, if they can move half as well as they looked. The beat of the music started.

_I'm taking a moment just imagining that I'm dancing with you_

_I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes_

_You got soul, you know what to do to turn me on_

_Until I write a song about you_

_And you have your own engaging style_

_And you've got the knack to vivify_

_And you make my slacks a little tight_

_You may unfasten them if you like_

_That's if you crash and spend the night_

Brian and Daniel slowly (but without moving their eyes) sat in their surprisingly comfortable leather lounge chairs. Then the two men on stage started moving at the same moment, matching their movements, swinging their hips gently, but thrusting in time with the music. Holy fucking shit… this was one hell of a way to spend his evening. This blond was fucking incredible, the way he moved, swung his hips, grinded to the pole.

_But you don't fold, you don't fade_

_You got everything you need, especially me_

_Sister, you've got it all_

_You make the call to make my day_

_In your message say my name_

_Your talk is all the talk_

_Sister, you've got it all_

_You got it all_

Then the men moved closer together and started grinding against each other and moving their hips in tandem. The man in black held on to the man in white by the hips while Blondie swung his head back and forth a bit, seductively, leaned back enough to grab on to the pole with one hand, then slowly did the splits down to the floor. "Tina" then moved over to Blondie to slowly pulled off his dress while he looked like he was practically fucking against the pole.

_Curl your upper lip up and let me look around_

_Ride your tongue along your bottom lip then bite down_

_And bend your back and ask those hips if I can touch_

_'Cause they're the perfect jumping off point_

_Getting closer to your butterfly_

_Will you float on by?_

_Oh, kiss me with your eyelashes tonight_

_Or Eskimo your nose real close to mine_

_And let's mood the lights and finally make it right_

Then they switched positions, looking sensual and fucking hot together. Then Blondie took off "Tina's" dress in the same fashion, while he rubbed around the back of the "Tina."

They both took turns dancing around the pole, swinging around it, shaking their asses, holding on and grinding on each other, facing each other, then chest to back. Brian and Daniel both had raging hard-ons watching such a seductive, erotic, sex filled dance in front of them.

_But you don't fold, you don't fade_

_You got everything you need, especially me_

_Sister, you've got it all_

_You make the call to make my day_

_In your message say my name_

_Your talk is all the talk_

_Sister, you've got it all_

_You got it all, you got it all, you got it all_

_You got it all, you got it all, you got it all_

_You got it all, woo, hey baby, uh_

_You've got it all_

All the muscles exposed of two perfect male specimens in front of them for their sole pleasure. "Tina" had more of a 6 pack than Blondie, but he was ripped enough to certainly appreciate that both of these men spent time and energy on looking good. And when either one turned to face their captive (and practically drooling – but they wouldn't admit it) audience, briefly before facing the other or backwards, their impressive packages were on display under their jock straps.

_Doll, I need to see you pull your knee socks up_

_Let me feel you upside down, slide in, slide out_

_Slide over here, climb into my mouth now child_

_Butterfly well you landed on my mind_

_Damn right you landed on my ear and then you crawled inside_

_And now I see you perfectly behind closed eyes_

_I want to fly with you and I don't want to lie to you_

_'Cause I, 'cause I can't recall a better day_

_So I'm coming to shine on the occasion_

_You're an open-minded lady, you've got it all_

_And I never forget a face_

_Except for maybe my own, I have my days_

_And let's face the fact here, child_

_It's you who's got it all_

Blondie had a black jock strap and "Tina" had a white jock strap, the contrast was breathtaking. And the obvious sizeable cock and balls both men had were indeed impressive.

As the music started to die down, the men finished by swinging twice around the pole, in turns, but perfectly executed, and ended in each other arms, slight erections perfectly aligned, arms wrapped around each other, dark and light, almost the same height, faces turned in to each other's neck. An embrace that was not only erotic and sexy as fuck, but so tender and (dare Brian think it) loving that Brian almost wished for something a little more than this one night, undoubtedly incredible, fuck.

_You know that fortune favors the brave_

_Well let me get paid while I make your breakfast_

_The rest is up to you, girl you make the call_

_You make the call to make my day_

_In your message say my name_

_Your talk is all the talk_

_Sister, you've got it all_

_I can't recall a better day_

_So I'm coming to shine on the occasion_

_Hey sophisticated lady, oh you got it all_

_You got it all, you got it all_

_You got it all, you got it all, you got it all_

Both men in their chairs were breathless, breathing hard, fully and completely erect, desperate for something more than just their hands right now, but neither wanted the other, they wanted what was on the stage. Daniel wasn't surprised by his reaction, this is exactly the kind of man he normally went for (regardless of costume) and couldn't believe his luck in watching the best lap dance of his life, whatever happened next he would always remember as one incredible night. Brian, on the other hand, had never wanted a blond, not since the Pitts, and this blond was not that blond. Brian almost wished, if only, but no, he couldn't think that way. Maybe this blond would be the way to make Brian truly put Justin behind him, forget him, move on, not compare every fuck he'd ever had to that kid. Not that blond twinks were ever his type, but now he wouldn't have to avoid them.

The men on stage released each other from their embrace and smiled at each other. Job well done they both knew. They were very aware of the reaction they always garnered, when it was requested that two men would perform, they did what they do, perform together. They were gay men, and could appreciate the male form, but neither were remotely interested in the other, they knew why they were there, now they just had to face the music, so to speak, and see what type of men had paid for their services, and what services they would undoubtedly be serving after their performance.

Both men turned to face the men in their chairs. Daniel was grinning from ear to ear, "Tina" was a beautiful black man with a body almost his size, and hopefully could suck cock as well as he danced, although Daniel wouldn't be opposed to that impressive cock up his ass, that might be too intimate for the moment and circumstance. Both Daniel and "Tina" then noticed their companions, who had suddenly frozen, completely, and not just one of them, both of them. Then two whispered names echoed throughout the room out of the mouths of two very stunned, surprised, shocked and flummoxed men who knew exactly who the other was.

"Brian?"

"Justin?"


	3. The reunification of the century

"_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind" - William Shakespeare_

* * *

><p><strong>The Reunification of the Century<strong>

Speechless…Brian fucking Kinney was speechless. He couldn't grasp what he'd been watching. His first was no wonder this blond was fucking perfect… he was. His next thought was what the fuck was Justin doing in this type of club, certainly the boy had gone on to bigger, better things, and made something for himself, instead of being a stripper. Then paused to notice the boy…no, man in front of him. Justin didn't look like the scared little boy he left behind… not behind, just left, no, fuck, not left, just Brian moved…not Justin, right. This man in front of him was the not the same man he hadn't seen in years… a man slowly approaching him, down off the stage (still with heels – he moved incredibly well in them for a man – and made him almost equal height as Brian) and walking towards him. Brian was stunned, this man was fucking beautiful, sexy as fuck, and… he knew, he fucking knew how perfect he was in bed.

Justin wasn't speechless, but he could see the turmoil play out of Brian's face. After all this time, he didn't expect to ever run into him here, although, maybe a little part, deep in his subconscious knew, one day, he could… this was Brian's type of place. He had heard of his advertising agency. He never followed him, but there was a small part of Justin that knew he picked New York for that very reason. And regardless of how much leaving him, again, this time, was going to hurt, almost as much as last time, he wasn't going to turn down an evening spent being fucked by Brian Kinney. He wouldn't even make Brian pay, not for any sentimental reason, but because Justin would forever remember this night and money would just ruin the whole thing. Justin had briefly noticed the man Brian was with, and he thought the slight resemblance between that man and him were funny. But he didn't care why Brian was here, who is was with, or why. Obviously Blondie over there was interested in Derrek, good.

Justin was surprised to see how well he could read Brian… ever after all these years, he knew exactly what was going through Brian's mind: lust, want, need, fear, confusion. Brian had never been able to turn down Justin, a fact that Justin exploited on many occasion, now he knew why Brian was terrified. But he also knew that in this city, away from friends and family, away from all the crap that kept them apart, and in this room it didn't matter, and if Justin wanted Brian again, even for just one night, then by God he was going to have, and he was going to take it, just like he did back then. Brian never was able to turn down a good looking man with a confidence and control that matched his own, and that's exactly what Justin could show Brian he had.

So without saying anything, he walked up to Brian slowly, smiled his best, sexiest, most seductive smile, the smile that always got him what he wanted, especially where Brian was concerned. He remembered another moment that Brian tried to fight him, but couldn't… and oddly enough, it was also here in New York. He wanted Brian to find him, to take him, to claim him… and Justin got what he wanted. Brian came to him, the Great god Brian Kinney came to Justin and, again, couldn't say no. He confidently, but slowly reached for Brian's shirt and while keeping eye contact started undoing Brian's buttons, he could tell that Brian was going to speak, so… Justin placed his finger against Brian's lips, both of them silently moaning at the contact.

"Need help?"

And again, Brian was not only powerless to stop what was happening, but had completely forgotten time and place with that short question. He remembered, with clarity, vividly, passionately when Justin had uttered those words previously. Why did Justin had this power over him…he never chased anyone, yet he had chased Justin, to that damn hotel, and just when he thought he had the upper hand, Justin took it, pushed him, pushed back and pulled Brian to him. Brian was, again, in the same fucking city, watching Justin do exactly what he did that night, undress him, slowly, provocatively, kneeling in front of him to take of his pants. Brian couldn't breathe, where the fuck had all the oxygen gone to? The things Justin could do to him… only Justin… fuck! No other fucking trick ever had this reaction on Brian.

Brian had to stop this, if he Justin touch him, even once, he would be lost… he needed… well aside from the obvious to fuck Justin's brains out through his perfect, tight little ass. He grabbed Justin's arms and dragged him back up. Justin was stunned for a split second, before catching on… NO! He was not going to let Brian do this, stop him. He had him, even for one night, and he would have him, all of him. So before Brian could say anything, Justin leaned forward, while moving one arm fast and grabbing Brian's head and crashed their lips together. Both men moaned at the contact. Fuck! Fuck! While they hadn't quite forgotten the other's taste and feel and smell, but right here, it was like nothing else mattered, and like they hadn't forgotten at all. Brian's arms came around Justin and pulled him against him, groaning at the feel of this exquisite man in front of him, in his arms… fuck! Never did he think he'd ever see Justin again. And to feel him, smell him, tasted him, hold him… God he didn't realize he had missed this. This, whatever the fuck they had, he never had with anyone else, ever.

Justin pushed Brian's pants down while kicking his shoes off behind him, while Brian's hands roamed all over his back and head and then down to his ass. He parted their kiss long enough to gasp before reclaiming the most perfect lips he had ever kissed. He wrapped his arms around Brian's back and ground their cocks together, and Justin would have sworn he heard Brian growl at that. Brian then forces him to the floor while devouring his mouth, blindly reaching for his pants to find lube and a condom. He had to take Justin before he came just from kissing the most perfect lips Brian had ever tasted. He ripped Justin's jock strap off and froze, for a moment, god, was it possible that Justin's cock was even bigger now than it used to be? And what a perfect cock it is.

Justin reaches up, noticing Brian stopping, and he doesn't want stopping, he wants hard, fast, he wants a final fuck that they didn't fucking get before Brian left, and he'll be damned if anyone is going to stop this, including Brian fucking Kinney himself. He grabs Brian's face and looks directly into his eyes, and while wrapping his legs around his waist so their erections rub against each other, both groaning at the sensation.

"Brian… fuck me."

"Justin…"

Brian grabs the condom, coats it quickly with lube and then rams into the most perfect ass he's ever been in. Both practically screaming at the contact. So good, so tight… so fucking perfect. Brian looks into Justins eyes and sees a whole lot more than lust there, something he doesn't want to think about, but can't help but a feel a little as well. So instead of thinking, he just feels, he leans forwards to kisses Justin, tongues rubbing together, lips moving perfectly in sync, while Brian starts moving in and out of Justin. Both gasp for a moment before their lips reattach to each other. Brian leans forward more to wrap his arms up around Justin's back and cradle his head in his hands while kissing him. Justin's arms are wrapped around Brian's arm and waist. Both moving their hips in perfect unison against each other. Moaning and groaning into each other's mouth, grinding against each other so hard that it almost hurts… but after all this time, finally being with the one person they always compared every other fuck to, the hurt was so pleasurable, so welcome, so… fucking… amazing.

They had to stop kissing for a moment to breath, to gasp, to look into the other's eyes and see a lot more than just lust and the hottest fucking sex they had ever had. Neither man actually prepared for more than just reveling in the moment, right now, this feeling between them. Just like back in that hotel room oh so long ago, fucking as if their lives depended it and enjoying ever fucking sensation, every stroke, every move. Brian started pounding into Justin even harder, deeper, turned on so fucking much by the sounds that Justin makes when being fucked. Fuck… no one moaned and groaned like Justin did… no one felt like Justin did… no one fucked like Justin could… god, he didn't realize he had actually missed this. This connection that's so fucking more than just a trick.

As both men are nearing completion, approaching that moment of orgasmic bliss that both had never achieved with any other person, lost in the perfection of the other… neither noticing the show they were putting on for the other two, now forgotten, people in the room. It wouldn't take a genius to tell there was some history there, and some serious passion, passion that many people never find in a lifetime. Daniel and Derrek could only stare on in speechless awe as the men seduced the other. Derrek knew Justin's power, his ability to have any man he wanted, and whenever he was at Achilles he provided certain services, but never, and he means never, seen Justin react to anyone like this.

Daniel was in even more shock, not that he knew Brian that well, but read him well enough to know that this was not typical Brian behavior at all. Not only was he being seduced, but he was absolutely allowing it, not even trying to fight it. And once both men had hit the floor… and Justin (he thought he heard whispered) had moaned breathlessly for Brian to fuck him… both men were lost.

The sexual energy in the room was as thick as fog and was felt strongly by Daniel and Derrek. They were both swept away by watching this powerful, beautiful couple together… but the moment that they looked into each other's eyes, something changed. The powerful, erotic image was now something almost private, meant for lovers, not for an audience. Both men so lost in the other… Daniel and Derrek decided to use the energy spilling out of the Brian and Justin and enjoy some fucking on their own, so with whatever passion was being sent out to them by these two incredible men already locked in lover's embrace, they enjoyed each other's bodies for the time being. Forgetting completely about the situation and place and need for payment. Brian and Justin were a sexual force so strong, that no gay man would have been able to resist the pull for at least one fuck.

When Justin couldn't hold back any longer, he let himself cum… Brian had been keeping him on edge for several minutes, and would stop moving just before he could sense Justin was about to cum. Justin would groan at the urge to cum, but he didn't want to touch himself, he wanted just the fact that Brian was inside him, fucking him, again, after so long, he wanted to cum with no help at all, and with Brian. Brian was thinking much the same. It had been so long, so long since he felt Justin beneath him, so long since he felt sex this powerful, this erotic, this much need to pound, but stretch it out as long as possible. He had no idea what would come after, well, they did, but he knew that he wanted this moment to last as long as possible. After holding back several times, he finally gave both of them what they wanted, to come together, in an earth shattering orgasm, screaming out the other's names and then collapsed on each other, practically vibrating and twitching as they recovered from the most explosive orgasm they had ever had (except maybe with the other).

They're screams and groans and panting brought Daniel and Derrek to their fast approaching orgasms as Derrek pounded Daniel from behind. Daniel wasn't Derrek's typical man, if he was then dancing with Justin would be really hard to just walk away from. But far be it from denying a tight ass the pleasure of his cock. And what a pleasure it was. Regardless of the services provided or paid for, after being in the same room with the sexual force of Brian and Justin, he dared any gay man to be immune from that power.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Hey guys, thanks for the few of you who have taken time to give me reviews for other stories...It's addictive fun for authors to read how much you like the stories. It really is great to know that my stories are liked and appreciated.

I got something of a request this time. Review this story... and let me know where you think it should go. I'll use the best suggestions when I continue writing it. It's not that I'm stuck, I just have too many ideas, and I would love to know what you guys think. After all, even though I write because my muse insists, I do it for you, too.


	4. There is always some madness in love

_"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions." - Alfred Lord Tennyson_

* * *

><p><strong>There is always some madness in love<strong>

Both couples lay panting on the floor, no one quite sure what to say.

Neither Derrek nor Daniel wants to say or do anything to destroy such a perfect moment between Brian and Justin. It was not only obvious they knew each other, but if it weren't for the fact that they were shocked at the others presence, they would have sworn they were committed lovers. Derrek stood to help Daniel up and they both dressed quietly. Both silently communicating to leave the room, not only to settle Daniel's account for services provided (and boy what services they were), but also to give Brian and Justin some seemingly much deserved privacy.

Daniel also wanted to take a moment to explain to management that the couple still in the Eros room was not to be disturbed under any circumstances, baring an emergency. He also decided to pay for his time and Brian's time in the room, as well as services provided (although he didn't bother mentioning the love permeating Brian's and Justin's obvious reunion), and a hefty tip for the most perfect, hottest exotic dance he'd ever seen performed by two men.

Meanwhile in the Eros room

Two perfect, sated, beautiful lovers lay entwined in each other, reveling in the scents, the feelings and the perfection of the best orgasm they had had in years. And both with very overactive minds with a million thoughts running through both minds.

Justin so desperately wanted to say everything going through his mind, to the man he loves, to the only man he'll ever love, the perfect man in his arms, biting his tongue and holding back the tears of joy and the possible tears of sorrow if he has to give Brian up again. He simply chooses to live in the moment, to enjoy what is… right now… this minute… and hope that this can last longer than just one night.

Brian feels Justin tensing beneath him. He always was able to read Justin perfectly. He would never have admitted it then, well, or now, out loud, but he knew Justin inside out, physically and emotionally. He knew exactly what was going though Justin's mind right now. He didn't want to move or talk, he just wanted to enjoy the sensation of being with, in and near Justin again. He didn't know what was going to happen next, nor did he know what he wanted to happen, but he knew if he didn't get up, off of Justin, he most certainly would be up. And with Justin right there, there was no way he could not fuck him again.

Just the possibility of being able to fuck Justin all night long… fuck! He remembered vaguely when he said that before… and he felt himself getting hard again. He needed to get the condom off and think of something other than Justin. Not that he would object to another fuck… but at the moment, where they were, what they were doing… it didn't seem the best place for an all night fuck.

Justin knew Brian was getting ready to bolt, but he could feel him still slightly hard. Justin was trying desperately to not get hard, but with Brian in his arms, on top of him, it was exceedingly difficult. He also knew without a doubt, that if there was ever any chance that there could be something between them, now was the time. And being the man he was, he not only knew exactly how to get to Brian, but he knew he had to make the first move and not give up.

With that thought he also knew he had to act quickly and before Brian could think anymore or before he lost courage to take on the Great God Kinney.

So using all his strength and increasing libido, he moved his legs and arms into position and flipped Brian over, who was fortunately so stunned was not moving or fighting. Justin quickly removed the condom with one hand, while stroking his cock slowly with the other hand to get Brian hard again (not like that was ever a problem). He then slowly and seductively moved down Brian's body to give him the best fucking blow job Justin has ever given.

Brian was stunned… he had never been with a trick who took control… much less with that much strength and speed. Not that Justin was a trick, after what they had just shared, and what they had before, he could never consider Justin a trick. He didn't remember Justin being that strong, though, or dominating. A part of him wanted to stop Justin before whatever this was went further, but a larger part (a certain growing, throbbing, hard part) wanted nothing more than to be sucked by the most talented cock-sucker Brian had ever had the pleasure of knowing. And fuck if that statement wasn't true because it had been an absolute fucking pleasure, still was a pleasure, and as Justin ever so fucking slowly licked, sucked and stroked his cock it was the most pleasure Brian had felt in a long fucking time. So for the moment, and for the first time in his life, he stopped thinking and just felt, and enjoyed the most perfect lips and tongue his cock had ever known.

Justin was in heaven… not that getting fucked by Brian hadn't taken him there already, but he had missed the flavor of Brian. He knew he was a top, always had been, and would only occasionally bottom for the right person. So with the exception of his two boyfriends (for lack of a better term) he never sucked. He did the fucking and he got his dick sucked, but for Brian… for Brian he was a very happy bottom boy and would suck Brian's perfect cock anytime. He had always thought Brian had a perfect cock, too: taste, shape, smell, color… it was soft, velvet, hot, hard, steel. Brian's diet was so strict that it made his come taste great, too. Hardly bitter, and it was salty and musky and slightly sweet. He savored the smell of Brian's balls, ass and cock.

Justin slowly licked up and down Brian's shaft, occasionally deep-throating and sucking for a few seconds before releasing and licking Brian's balls and perineum. He knew how into this Brian was getting from all the moans he could hear… Brian was never particularly loud during sex, and Justin certainly wasn't going to stop and point out that Brian was quietly chanting Justin's name. So Justin kept it slow, using every trick he knew. He used his hands to caress Brian's thighs, always perfectly sculpted muscles… and unbelievably smooth. Not many people knew that Brian had a pretty hairless body, but he did. It cost a pretty penny and no one knew Brian waxed or where he went, but Justin knew.

With the exception of a little on his chest, around his nipples, and his pubes, and his happy trail right above his perfect cock… and his head of soft, chestnut hair… god, Justin thought, Brian was beautiful! He loves Brian so much. Justin knew that he couldn't let Brian go, he would fight for him if necessary, but he would not let Brian go.

Justin slowly slides one hand up Brian's body caressing every inch of skin on his way to Brian's nipple and gently squeezing, causing Brian to gasp in pleasure and his dick to twitch in Justin's mouth. Justin deep-throats Brian again while using his other hand to massage his balls… ignoring (for now) the little scar that's there. Justin knows it wasn't there the last time he was with Brian, and Brian doesn't seem to react to it, so Justin will ignore it, for now. He can't imagine what happened, and he figures for what they've done and what they're doing Brian is okay.

Brian's breathing speeds up a bit and his hand has found its way to my head, caressing and pulling, like always when he's close to coming. His groans become louder and he's thrusting into Justin's mouth. Justin would love nothing more than to finger fuck Brian, massage his prostrate until Brian's a screaming writhing heap under Justin's administration, but he won't do that, it's too soon and he's sure Brian wouldn't appreciate it. Knowing Brian is close, very close; Justin presses Brian's perineum with one hand, grabs and strokes his cock with the other hand, sucks as hard as possible and hums… Brian comes fast and hard, screaming Justin's name… Justin loves to hear his name fall from Brian's lips.

Justin loves the taste of Brian, and doesn't want to let go, but got caught up so much in pleasing Brian he had been neglecting his own cock. He reaches down to jerk off… hopefully onto Brian, cause he remembers they did that every once in a while when feeling kinky (or were drunk or high enough to find it funny). But the moment Justin touches his painfully hard dick, Brian flips them over again and deep throats Justin, much to Justin's surprise and relief. Fuck! That feels fucking amazing! Justin starts chanting Brian's name repeatedly receiving the best fucking blow job of his life.

Brian doesn't know what came over him, but he was so lost in the moment of his own orgasm he practically passed out. Brian had forgotten how good Justin was at blow jobs, he knew the boy was more talented than any other gay man to suck him, but that was the most intense blow job Brian had ever received. So lost in the moment that when he sees Justin reach for his own cock Brian has to taste. It's been so fucking long since he had tasted Justin. And he tastes so fucking good that Brian starts moaning, without caring about what that sound might tell Justin. He doesn't care that he might seem desperate for a taste of Justin… no one else was in the room… he saw Daniel and "Tina" leave… he didn't know how long they had left, but he was gonna enjoy the taste of Sunshine again… fuck! He hadn't thought that name in a long while.

He knows Justin is close when he starts trying to fuck Brian's mouth… and Justin has progressed from chanting Brian's name to wordless moans and groans, getting louder and louder… god, Justin was always so fucking loud. To make it even better, just because he can, and because he hasn't felt it in too long, Brian grabs the pack of lube and lubes up two fingers with what little is left and just as Brian deep throats Justin he shoves his fingers up Justin's ass and rams his prostate causing Justin to buck and scream in pleasurable torment. He screams Brian's name right before he comes as Brian keeps jabbing his prostate while sucking Justin's cock harder… god, Brian lo… Justin made great fucking noises while being fucked and sucked. And then Justin is coming… he tastes so fucking good… and there's so much… fuck he'd missed this… this…

Then I hear it… and our perfect little bubble shatters.

"I love you!"


	5. But there is also some reason in madness

_"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." - Bertrand Russell_

* * *

><p><strong>But there is also always some reason in madness.<strong>

Fuck, shit, damn it… Justin thinks… he can't fucking believe he just said that… shit, look at his face… fuck, could he be any stupider?

"Brian"

"Justin" he says with a sneer.

God damn it!

"Damn it Brian… don't do this."

"Don't do this? Don't do what Sunshine? I came, we had fun, and now it's time to go."

"No that's not what to do, don't walk away from this… yes we had fun, but it doesn't have to be time to go, we could have a lot more fun, we both live here, we could…"

"No Justin, we couldn't, we might both live in the city, but we both clearly have very different careers that wouldn't be conducive to, whatever… we had a fantastic fuck, but that's all it…"

"NO! Don't you fuckin' dare said that this was just a fuck… that's not what it was and you fuckin' know it! I don't know if you've changed, how you've changed or what has changed, but I know something's different. Yes we have different careers, but not what you think… I can see your mind working, I know what you think and it's not at all what you fucking think and I think before you judge me you better take a good look in the fuckin' mirror."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Look in the fucking mirror… what for? I can see what you do here Justin… and it was just a fuck… services provided right? Whatever the customer wants? How the fuck can you stand there and tell me that you didn't just get a paid…"

Brian stops at this point seeing Justin's eyes glistening with unshed tears, but still standing proud and confident. Fuck, he's always hated crying, he never knows how to fucking deal with it… and how the fuck can Justin say that this wasn't a fuck… okay so maybe there was something else, whatever the fuck it was… but this is a strip club and Brian just got what he came for, a good fuck… too bad he got fucked, too, and not in a positive life-affirming way… and he has no idea why Justin is ready to cry, but obviously whatever Brian said had something to do with it… this is why he doesn't do rela… this is why he fucks, in and out with maximum pleasure and minimum bullshit.

Brian turns his back on Justin, but not so fast that it looks rude… he needs to get dressed and go settle his account, figure out how the fuck much he owes and find Daniel, fuck… Daniel… it's no wonder no one has come looking for them. Daniel could probably read the emotion between him and Justin. He really wants to leave this club and forget he ever saw Justin again. It was a great farewell fuck until Justin had to ruin it with more than just enjoying the greatest fuck he's ever had… who he's about to walk out on, again, fuck! He did not just think that. He can hear Justin getting dressed behind him, sniffling a little… god, he fucking hated this, this… fucking emotional crap!

"Brian?"

God the kid sounds so lost… why the fuck did it make his chest feel whatever it was feeling… he doesn't do guilt or apologies or regrets. It was a fantastic fuck… one he'll probably never feel that amazing about again (damnit)… but why the fuck did Justin have this power over him?

He faces Justin and sees… not a kid… but a man, no longer is he crying, but his eyes are a little red, dressed again… if it weren't for the anger, resentment, sorrow and that other emotion that seems to be coming off Justin that Brian is going to call lust, because he's not gonna say what it is… to see him there holding heels, in a dress and wig he would start laughing. He stands and waits for whatever perils of wisdom and sentimentality Mr. Public Service Announcement, after school special, is going to share with him before he returns to his newest client and gets the hell out of this fucking club to never come back again.

Justin has been fighting his emotions the whole time they dressed… so many dreams and thoughts and hopes running through his mind as they had made love… at least that's what Justin is going to call it in his own mind… he knows what Brian was feeling, even though he also knows Brian won't admit it to him or even to himself. Some small part of him thought that maybe Brian might give him a chance. But of course Justin had to get caught up in his emotions and say the one thing, the one word that would absolutely shut Brian down, make him bring all his walls back up and guarantee Justin to not have a chance to see Brian ever again. He knows that Brian will give him one last chance to say something… cause Brian always gave Justin the chance to say what he wanted, even if Brian was an asshole in return.

So calmly, and steadily as possible, even though Justin is feeling far from steady and calm, he approaches Brian, but not too close, takes a deep breath and … lets him go.

"Brian, I know you don't want to hear this, and you might never believe it, but I need to say this and I need to know you're listening… and then I'll leave, and you can be on your way… so, are you listening?"

Fuck! Brian wants to say no, he wants to say there's not a goddamn thing Justin can say that he'll ever want to hear. He wants to tell him there's no fucking way he'll listen to what he knows Justin's gonna say. Course Brian also wants to rip the dress off him and fuck him again because he knows he'll never find a more amazing fuck than Justin… and he's not even gonna address the part of himself that wants to hold him and touch him and kiss him and let himself be lost in those blue fucking eyes and soft strong arms and… fuck!

"I'm listening… but make it fast, I do have a client waiting."

Brian sees a little smirk on Justin's face, so quickly that maybe he didn't see it, but … fuck, he just said client. Great, now he knows that Daniel is a client, not a trick or anything else. Brilliant… Justin did always know how to play him… in more ways than one…fuck!

"Fine… Again, I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to, or at least I need to say it, to know that whatever happens, wherever I go, whatever I do, I'll know that you know the truth and I'm not walking away or letting you walk away without saying what I feel. You've always said no apologies, no regrets, no excuses, but that's not realistic. We can say it, we can think it, we can know it, but we don't feel it. I'm not gonna say I'm sorry for anything, but I do regret that what we had ended when you moved, and what he had tonight is ending as well. I don't have any excuses, because what I said was the truth. I do love you, always have, always will… no… you will let me finish… I've got one chance at this and I will hold you down if I have to… and don't give me that look, you have no idea how much I work out and what I do, so you're gonna stand there and listen or I will hold you down… got it?"

Brian nods, with a smirk, and sneer, cause he can't let him know that that little speech is affecting him. Fuck, Justin's so fucking hot when he's angry. Who the fuck knew there was a panther inside that little scared teenage kitten whose virginity he took? Fuck… he fucking knew, that's who… and… shit he is so much stronger than Brian thought, inside and out… crap… no emotions, straight face… listen, not interested, right.

"I love you more than you'll ever know. When you left, you took my heart with you. I know you don't believe in love, you don't do relationships and you think romance is for lesbians and straight people who want to get laid… well let me tell you something Mr. Kinney… I do believe in love, relationships and romance. Romance isn't necessary, but it's certainly appreciated by the receiving person from the person they love. I do believe in relationships as well, not what society tells us a relationship has to be, but whatever the fuck I decide my relationship is going to be. No one else needs to know or care about what I do or who I fuck or how I love.

"Not believing in love is fucking ridiculous. You can choose to ignore love, refuse to accept it, and refuse to feel it, but love isn't something you believe in or not. It happens or it doesn't, it's up to you to accept it and return it. I know why you think you don't believe in love, I know about your childhood, some of it… and don't you fuckin' dare give Debbie a hard time about it, I needed to know and she always seemed to understand what I felt for you and felt I needed to understand… although I think she told me because of how much pain I was in after you left.

"And speaking of Debbie, she's exactly why I know you do believe in love, you just refuse to accept it and return it because you're too afraid of getting hurt and having that love turned against you. Well guess what? I would never hurt you and I would never use love to hurt you. Debbie loved you when you needed it, so did Michael, and Vic and Lindsay, and I know Gus does, too. And I know you love all of them, as well, maybe in your own unique way, but they know it too and they love you too. I won't say that the people who love you won't hurt you, it seems that people always hurt the ones they love more than others, but that doesn't mean they love you less…

"Shut up and let me finish, I'm almost done… obviously there were those in your past that you feel loved you and actually hurt you… well guess what? They didn't actually love you… and I think you know that, but don't know how to get passed that. I can't change you or how you think and I can't make you believe or feel something just because I want it… but I can promise you that I do love you, and I can promise you that whatever your parents felt wasn't love. I can promise you that I'll never stop loving you and that no matter who I'm ever with I'll always think of you. I can promise that I'll never forget you and I know I can promise I'll never find love and happiness with anyone else but you."

*deep breath*

"Last but not least… I don't work here, I'm just here tonight as a favor to a friend. I'm an artist, I have exhibits at galleries, I went to art school, I've studied art in Italy and France, and I settled here… I have a solo show coming up soon, but I won't take up any more of your time with the details. I think I've kept you long enough… I do love you Brian Kinney, so much… more than you'll ever know… and I would wish you luck, but I know you don't need it, and I know you're more than successful enough without my well wishes… so…"

Justin walks up to a very speechless, still, dumbfounded Brian and places one last soft sweet kiss on the most perfect lips Justin will ever kiss, but stops right before Brian tried to return the kiss.

"Bye, Brian."

And with his head held high, even though his heart was still in the room, in Brian's most capable, but stubborn hands, and his soul scraping the ground… Justin turns and walks out of the room… away from Brian… away from his one and only true love… trying not to hope that Brian will run after him, grab him and declare his undying love. No, Brian Kinney wouldn't do that… but Justin had the last word, something he didn't get last time… and even though he wanted nothing more than to say Later… he had to say bye, for himself, for his heart, and for Brian.


	6. I Create, Therefore I am

"_When a quiet man is moved to passion, it seems the very earth will shake." - Stephanie Barron_

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><p><strong>I Create, Therefore I am<strong>

_Two weeks later – Sloan Fine Art Gallery – Soho _

Justin was nervous… for several different reasons, but primarily because this was opening night… his first solo show, not only as a new artist (well newer, he'd had work displayed in other galleries as well as several university galleries at whatever school he was attending) but as a successful New York artist. He did feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in that. He thought he felt wonderful when the first gallery had displayed some of his work, and of course he felt amazing when he got his first commission, and he especially loved seeing the pride and joy on the face of whoever was purchasing his art, but tonight… the overall sense of, as cliché as it sounds, if you can make it here you can make it anywhere.

He came to New York and he's made it. This was what he was working towards. Not just a show of his work, of work someone else told him to paint, commissioned pieces, that regardless of talent and beauty, they were what the collector wanted, this show, these pieces were all Justin. His talent, his vision, his life, his skill, how he saw everything and anything… using any medium he was inspired to use. Each section of the exhibit had a different theme depending on the image featured or the technique used. And they were all his. There were color, black and white, bold, soft, abstract, portrait, landscape, about half paintings, the other half sketches and photographs.

Each section had a pièce de résistance. Many sketches were from his travels, the places he went, the people he met, the villages he toured and the country sides he viewed. The portraits were primarily of friends and family, some from memory, others from when they visited… he tried to do at least one each time someone came from the Pitts to visit him. The ones from memory were those who didn't visit, or that he saw very little. He had missed Daphne while she was in school, still was, too, almost finished though. And even though she was in New York (NYU Medical School to be exact) she was so busy that they rarely saw each other.

In honor of everything they had meant to each other, he painted them on graduation day… well afterwards, at her parents' house at the party they let her give. While there were many people there, he hadn't been interested in anyone… even one cute boy who tried to get his attention… he missed Brian with a passion, with an ache so deep that he almost hated being alive. Thank God for Daph, she could pull him out of anything, and she was always there.

Up until a few weeks ago he would have said that his best piece (technically speaking anyway) was a computer aided photograph collage of Angelo. He was a beautiful subject, and he waited till he was home to work on it, but he had the idea while he was in Italy. Angelo and he were touring the countryside near Tuscany and had stopped on the side to relieve their very full bladders… and got caught up in the scenery and the moment and… thank god no one came by and discovered them… they weren't exactly hidden in that field, but it was so beautiful… near sunset.

Angelo and he stood to get dressed, and the backdrop of the vineyard and the colors in the sky… there was no way that any artist could match those colors with any palette. So Justin grabbed his camera (always handy on trips when he would have preferred to sketch, but didn't have the time) and began taking pictures of everything, from the car, the road, the field, the vineyard and Angelo. That's when he saw it… the camera zoomed in, so close it only appeared to capture a few square inches of flesh… then he knew… he was very happy to have digital photography that day, otherwise it would have used several rolls of film.

The collage was all the individual, up close images of each inch of Angelo's body… digitally put together to appear to be overlapping photos… but the whole canvas was 8 feet wide and 4 feet tall… and included not only Angelo, from the back, in all his splendor… but the surrounding scenery on each side. Although not quite in the center, the eyes zoom into Angelo… the Michelangelo-esque image in scenery made for the gods.

While that image was still his masterpiece in mastering a few techniques and mediums onto one canvas, his true favorite painting was now a different piece entirely. After his encounter with Brian two weeks ago (well, two weeks, 5 days, and 1 hour… but who's counting?)… If encounter is even the right word, more like explosive, extraordinary, extreme, erotic, empassioned… and yet, disheartening, discouraging, disconsolate, and depressing. After that, regardless of how the evening ended, he had to capture the highlights of that evening, at least his emotions at that point of no return, for now he knew, unequivocally, emphatically, undeniably that Brian would always be in his heart and mind, and that love, passion, affection, power, emotion, adoration… he had to capture it for it would never go anywhere.

And the first image that came to mind to paint was the same image the first time he ever drew Brian. So his painting was that same image, only including the years of skill and experience he had between that drawing and this painting. He didn't know what happened to that drawing, but he knew he wanted a copy for himself. It showed Brian as Justin saw him: peaceful, loving, caring, sweet, calm, beautiful and perfect. Sleep was the one time that Brian was free of all his masks, all his walls, all his promises he worked so hard to keep, all the rules he made for himself to keep himself detached from everyone else.

This time the piece was much larger, 4 feet by 3 feet… it showed the loft's bed… almost altar like… which was appropriate in Brian's need for his projected image of himself and in the fact that every man that ever left that bed felt they were leaving the presence of a god. Justin felt that way at one time, as well, still did, to a degree. He also now completely understood where Brian was coming from and why he did and said what he did. Justin poured his passion, love, anger, frustration, sadness and happiness from then, from now, and from all the time in between that lamppost and when he painted this painting: _From Innocence Hidden to Love Lost_.

He captured all the colors of the loft, with the ever present blue lighting that cast an ethereal glow across the whole room… and made Brian's skin stand out all the more against the navy blue sheets. Justin wasn't sure if he wanted to sell this piece yet. The gallery manager was shocked when Justin chose not to sell it, that's just not done, at least not by a newer artist, one that hasn't been well established. And while Justin wasn't against selling it, to the right buyer, there was so much emotion, time, energy and effort, blood, sweat and tears in that painting, he still wasn't sure.

Oddly enough the critics and art collectors that usually show interest in these shows were showing even more because this unusual artist was not going to sell something… apparently an amazing something that told a story to everyone who viewed it. Clearly even without being around Brian, Justin had developed a sense of marketing skill… he knew what sold without help… you couldn't buy the kind of publicity he got from refusing to sell a piece.

And now the gallery is about to open its doors for the Justin Taylor exhibit… wow… and he thought he was nervous before. On one hand he wished for someone to stand next to him, support him, be there for him. On the other hand he was proud of himself for doing this all on his own, knowing he didn't need anyone there to support him, and the one person he would have chosen wouldn't be standing with him anyway. At least he knew his mom would be here soon, hopefully Daphne, although he didn't want her missing class, she had tried to convince him over the past few months that she could miss one class to be here for the opening of his first solo show.

_Two hours later_

The gallery was packed… art critics, collectors, other gallery owners, art professors, family, friends, gallery sponsors, local media officials and art patrons. But what really surprised Justin was the caliber of people there to see his work, these people were not just from New York, but from across the nation, and a few people from France and Italy that he had met while he was studying other there. And they had brought colleagues and collectors from their areas of the world as well. Not to mention that he was pretty sure that by the end of the evening almost everything would have sold… and the owner, Salvador, was positive that everything would be sold, and if Justin just agreed to sell his most beloved piece everything would absolutely be sold.

His mother was there, as was Daphne, and surprisingly Debbie had come as well. Deb and his mom kept in contact regularly and were both active in PFLAG and marched every year in the Pride parade… that was gonna take some time getting used to, he still couldn't picture his mom marching in a Pride parade, but if anyone could get someone to do it, it would be Deb. He missed the Liberty Avenue family that had adopted him, but after Brian left and he went off to college, he hadn't really seen them since. The one person he did make sure to keep in contact with (besides Debbie, otherwise he would hear about it) was Gus. He felt a connection there, almost as strong as his connection to Brian.

Every year around his birthday Justin would draw a picture of something he thought Gus would like, and color it for him with his artists pencils. He didn't go back home much, but on the chance that he did, that his mother made him come home for a holiday, he would make a point of visiting, as Brian so delicately put it, the munchers, and Gus. There was an unspoken rule to never mention Brian… and while that seemed to work, Justin, at times, really wanted to ask, because Gus could not only talk at an early age, but he was already in grade school and never mentioned his dad. Then again, maybe the girls asked Gus not to say anything… god how sad. He couldn't imagine being in that position, then again… their they were.

And then it happened… he knew the minute _**he**_ had entered the gallery… the air changed, he could feel it, the energy coming from behind him… he would know that feeling anywhere… he didn't need to feel the arms come around him from behind to know Brian was there. He didn't need to smell his expensive aftershave and cigarettes to know that Brian was holding him. He didn't need to feel those lips kiss his cheek to know that Brian had him firmly in lover's embrace. But he certainly welcomed all of it. God he had just been hoping that Brian would come… never did he imagine he actually would. He didn't know what prompted this visit, this mood, his Brian… he didn't know what mood Brian would be in or why he was here, but he didn't want to spoil the moment by moving or speaking either. God it felt so good to be in his arms… to have Brian softly petting his stomach and chest, to feel the heat and hardness of Brian from behind him, to hear Brian say his name, okay, why was he saying his name so much, and so insistently?

"Justin!"

He opens his eyes to turn and face Brian… and … fuck! He's brought abruptly, painfully, torturously back to the present, in which Salvador is standing in front of him with yet another fucking critic or collector or whoever the fuck this is that clearly brought him out of his god damned fucking imagination… fuck the champagne, clearly he's had enough if he had actually started dreaming that Brian was right behind him. Oh shit… can't let too many personal grievances show… must keep up appearances after all… why the fuck did I want to become an artist?

"Sorry Salvador… I guess I was…"

"Day dreaming, imagining, creating… perfectly alright Justin, not only are artists allowed to have their mind wander, but in your case, I'll make an extra exception. Especially if this is the kind of work you can present when allowing your mind to roam."

"Thank you Salvador… I think… I've never been complimented on day dreaming… but I'll take any compliment I can get. And who might this be you undoubtedly plan to introduce me to?"

"My apologies madam and Justin… allow me… Justin Taylor, artiste extraordinaire… meet a local art collector and possibly…"

"I'll take it from here Salvador… and its mademoiselle…. Mr. Taylor, Cynthia Perkins, and I have to say it's a pleasure to meet you, your work is truly extraordinary, I don't think I've ever seen an artist explore so many mediums in such short of time, nor in one single show."

"Thank you, it's a pleasure to meet you as well, and please call me Justin, Ms. Perkins."

"Then I insist you call me Cynthia."

"Well I'll leave you two to get better acquainted, I must keep the other public happy and Justin, I'm sure you two will get along swimmingly."

"Umm… no offense Cynthia… but he doesn't think that… I mean…"

"It's okay Justin, I believe he just knows a good business and art deal when he hears one. I have no interest in you personally, but only because I know you're gay, otherwise we might have to talk over a drink or two."

"Well I'll give you credit for being bold and straight-forward… not very often you come across that in any profession, and especially art. So now that we know we're not each other's type, what's this about a business and art deal?"

"I always believed in being straight-forward, no hiding, cut the chase and get to the point. And the deal I have in mind is something for my business. I am co-owner of a business in Chelsea, I've seen your work before and always been impressed, and I'm looking to remodel our offices, which I've been put in charge of, and I want to redo all the art… needless to say when I saw your exhibit was tonight, it seemed kismet that I find you right now. I'd be happy to set up a time when you could come to the office and see our building, what would work, what you already have completed that I could use, or what you would have to create. We could hammer out a contract, have our legal team go over it, and of course if you have an agent or lawyer, they could be present as well. And if you need a little extra incentive, you would have carte blanche to create whatever you wanted for any space we need art and you'd get a bonus if you get done with all the pieces before the offices were done."

"Wow, not only was that one hell of an offer, but that was offered fast and succinctly… just enough information to lure me in, but not too much so I need to ask more because I'm interested. If I didn't know any better that sounds like you'd fit right into advertising and marketing."

"Very astute of you Justin, that's exactly the kind of company I own and help run. How soon would you like to meet? I don't want to pressure you into feeling like you have to agree, but I think as an artist you would want to see the space for yourself, maybe meet some of the people, get a feel for the whole thing before agreeing to anything."

"That's exactly what I was thinking actually… you were either an artist in a former life or have plenty of experience dealing with artists."

"Well, I'm not sure about a former life, but I can guarantee you I've had plenty of experience with artists in this life time. One thing's for sure about an advertising agency is the art department. Without a team of artists we wouldn't have ads. Our ad execs may be the idea men, and women, and some of them have incredible vision, but they can't draw for shit, pardon the French, and even the ones that excel in photography, still need a team of professionals to put everything into focus to present to the client."

"I don't have any experience with advertising agencies, but I have done some research and understand the need for an art department. It never interested me before as I like to create whatever comes to me, whenever it comes, but this sounds like the best of both those worlds… and, you're right about seeing the space before I agree to anything. I would need to see it, feel it, hear it, meet the people, and get a feel for everything before deciding on any art work. And since this exhibit will be going on for another month, and I haven't signed any pressing future deals, I would be happy to meet with you whenever you have time… but I have to know the name of your agency. I may not be familiar with advertising agencies, but I do know a few from when I was looking to intern."

"As unusual as this may sound… I think I'd rather you meet with me before I tell you the company name… I know that sounds strange, but I have a feeling about this and I don't want to jinx it. But before we set a time and I head home for the evening, I have to know… when did you look into interning, because I would have remembered your name."

"That is unusual… and possibly foreboding… but I have a good feeling about this to. For the mean time I'll let it go. I was looking into interning my last year of art school, about three years ago, I think. However that fell through as I was offered a position to study abroad, kind of as an intern, but also as a student at the Florence University of the Arts in Italy for that year. When I came back a couple years ago I found an agent and started my life as an artist."

"Wow, very impressive, I read about your trip to Italy, but I didn't imagine it was for a whole year, that would have been incredible… I've always had an interest in art, but I must say that Michelangelo will always be one of my favorites, no offense, and one day I have to go to Florence to see _David_."

"No offense taken, whatsoever… not only as an artist, but as a fellow Michelangelo fan, and as someone who has been there and seen it in person… if you get the chance, take it. You'll be glad you did. It is an amazing experience… and anyone who can appreciate art and sculpture and the work and energy that he put into _David_… it's astounding and truly magnificent. its life altering, seeing _David_ in person, being in the room… it's incredible and indescribable."

"Well, Justin… after that description, how could I possibly not want to go see it? And if I wasn't sold on you doing the art for our offices, which I was, I would be sold now. I see my date trying to get my attention… so can we schedule a time to meet now? Or would you rather have my business card and call me at your earliest convenience?"

"Usually I would say business card and I'll call you… but I think I can safely say I am interested and definitely have to see this building and company… if nothing else than to satisfy my own curiosity and artistic nature to know everything unique and intriguing, which you definitely are, Cynthia."

"Why Justin, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me."

"I may play for a different team, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate someone with beauty, talent and balls."

"Justin, I do believe that we will have a ball working together."

They both laugh at this statement and the playful banter.

"Alright Cynthia, even I can see your date trying to get your attention… very nice, by the way, as straight as they come, but not put off by some of the artwork, and definitely nice package."

"Why thank you… and yes, he does… not that I've had a chance to get up close and personal, but then again, that's probably why he's trying to get my attention *chuckle* can we meet *checks calendar* tomorrow at… 10 am?"

"Sounds fine with me… you want to text me the address right now?"

"Very tricky… I almost gave in to that request… I don't think so… how about I call you now, then we both know the other's phone number and I'll call you or you call me tomorrow morning and I'll give you the address then."

"Ah, you caught me… I can see I'll have to be extra careful around you."

"You have no idea how careful and detail oriented I have to be… but I'm sure you will by the time we're through."

"Boy if you weren't a girl I would definitely be hitting on you by now."

"Damn… if only I had been born a gay man… *grin* … I'll talk to you tomorrow morning… have a wonderful evening and congratulations on a phenomenal opening night."

"Thank you very much Cynthia, I will definitely look forward to tomorrow morning… and I won't comment on this evening."

"Fair enough, Justin. See you tomorrow."

"Definitely."

With that the two shake hands. Justin being none the wiser, but maybe somehow hoping for some small connection. Cynthia being definitely the wiser, knowing exactly what she is doing, there's a reason she not only made partner, but remains Brian's assistant (in spirit only – and in actuality as Brian won't hire anyone else). She paid attention previously back in the Pitts before Brian moved, and she's paid attention the past two weeks… well, technically it's been much longer than that.

She's seen the drawing that the painting out near the front is based on, once. She also knew his name from the couple times Brian talked about Justin, even though he probably didn't realize he was talking about him that often. The boy lived with him at one point, albeit very briefly. She was very happy when she saw Justin's name in the local art columns and reviews. She had kept her eye open, knowing that someday he would make an appearance in the art scene somewhere. She was very happy he chose New York.

She knew all about their rendezvous a few weeks ago. She heard all about it from Daniel after he brought home a very drunk Brian and called the one person that came to mind: Brian's business partner and best friend. Apparently after Justin had gone off on his tirade, which Cynthia secretly agreed to most of, Brian had been beside himself, not knowing what to do next, which is how Daniel found him. They needed to leave the room for the next reservation… which Brian had a few things to say about… and was subsequently brought to the manager's office where he ranted and complained some more, while the owner, Mark, she believed, kept offering Brian something to drink to help, and from Daniel's estimation understood a whole lot more than he let on.

Well, clearly it helped really well, or horribly depending on your perspective. Brian continued to explain everything they did and everything Justin said. Doing what she was about to do might be underhanded and sneaky, but she also knew Brian very well, and knew her plan would work fabulously, she just hoped that Justin went along with it, but she was pretty sure that after tomorrow's meeting and a private meeting between just the two of them Justin would see it her way and agree, for all their sakes.


	7. Well I'll Be Damned

"_Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot." - D. H. Lawrence_

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><p><strong>Well I'll Be Damned (… or Smack my ass and call my Johnny)<strong>

_Friday Morning – 10:30 am – outside the KP Building_

KP Building… that didn't tell him anything. Sure he had talked to Cynthia a while ago… when Cynthia called him. He woke up this morning not sure of this meeting. He didn't know why, but he had this feeling that wouldn't go away. He had no idea what it was, but something about the whole conversation with Cynthia yesterday… something was off and he didn't like it. But he's not a scared little faggot and he certainly is confident and independent so like it or not, comfortable or not, he would follow this through and at least hear her out.

He was leery about calling Cynthia this morning, but clearly she was not going to give up, because at exactly 10am she had called wondering where he was. So here he was sitting in a cab in front of the building, hoping to get an idea of who owned it, who she worked with and to see if the name of the agency rang any bells.

Cynthia knew she would have to be direct with her approach and be up front before Justin even entered the building and saw the agency's name. She wasn't surprised that she had to call Justin this morning and convince him to come, and she had no problem in going down to get him from where he was probably sitting or standing and thinking too hard and too much about their upcoming meeting. For all the differences she knew existed between Brian and Justin, they certainly had more than enough in common.

Justin had just gotten out of the cab, ready to face whatever he was getting into, because he wasn't going to back down from anything when he saw Cynthia coming out to meet him. Not that he was attracted to women, at all, cause if he was it would have been Daphne, but Cynthia was one hell of a woman. She had a confidence, grace, poise and almost royal quality about her that made you sit up, be quiet, and pay attention, but you also couldn't help but admire the beauty and friendliness she had.

"Justin, glad you could make it."

"Cynthia."

"Is it cold out here or is it just you?"

"I'd come back with some retort and banter… but… I apologize, I'm just not sure about this, I'm still leery about the company, which I know nothing about, but I certainly didn't want to blow you off and have you think I'm some moody temperamental artist. "

It's on the tip of Cynthia's tongue to say sorry's bullshit… but that would blow a big hole in her plans right now… so diplomacy and friendly banter seem to be the way to go.

"You're not a moody and temperamental artist? I thought all artists were *wink* especially in New York where you can get away with that, considering you have your own solo show."

"Ha ha, very funny… fair enough though. Not only an artist, but I'm blond, gay, and have been accused of being a drama princess once or twice. I may not be a starving artist, but I don't want to turn down such a great offer, but I do want to see it all before I make up my mind."

"Also fair enough. I definitely want to hire you and I think you'll find my offer more than reasonable and lucrative, in more ways than one. I also believe in being honest and forthcoming in all business deals… so before we start there are a couple things I want to mention before we go to my office, and I ask that you listen to everything I say and keep an open mind before deciding whether you want to come up or not."

"Okay… this sounds like I might need to sit and listen, but for some reason not go up to your office… so how about we go down to the little café on the corner and get a coffee and sit outside so I can listen."

"Out in the open so you can get up and run if don't like what you hear, huh?"

"Of course *chuckle* I wouldn't be a good businessman if I didn't give myself a safe out. Seriously though, I am interested and I do intend to listen to what you have to say, but I have this feeling that this is gonna be big, but I'm not sure if it's good or bad."

"Well I hope very good, and I completely understand. I would say that as an artist you wouldn't have to know business, but as an artist you have to sell yourself as much as your art, so I can understand the nature of protecting your most prized possession, yourself."

"I don't know about most prized possession, but I certainly see my art an extension of myself, and anyone who will be getting as much as you hope to will be purchasing me, after a fashion, so business knowledge is very important. I guess you could say I'm my own product, advertisement, and accountant. Although usually it's my agent that handles these dealings."

"Well I'm honored to work with you personally, as I wouldn't sell this to your agent, it's definitely something we need to do face to face, and I think getting coffee is a great idea. Not that I need another cup, but I love the stuff."

"Yes, I've known people who can't live without their coffee either, I prefer tea, but a good cup of coffee is hard to find and can be very appreciated. … Here we are, how about you have a seat and I buy you a cup of… what'll you have?"

"Oh, I don't think so… you sit, this is my idea, my spiel, my treat… I'd say none of that chivalry crap, but I don't picture you like that."

"Well, my WASP upbringing may have ingrained some chivalric ideals and actions, but I was lucky enough to have a good friend who knew exactly how to knock me down a few notches and remind me that there was no way in hell she was not my equal and taught me to share my crayons."

"Sounds like an amazing friend… we all need someone who's our equal who doesn't mind knocking us down, but holding us up, teaching us to stand up for ourselves but knowing that it's okay to stand with other's when we need it."

"That sounds like you speak from experience and that you have a friend like that, too."

"Very good friend… we've been through a lot together, and is actually my business partner. Well, on that note, let me take our order, you find a seat and try not to think too much… my partner has the same problem."

"Very well… but I will be thinking of more than enough questions, or drawing… I love café's like this, especially outside, people watching is a favorite past-time of many artists who favor drawing."

After enjoying their drinks and danishes, because after all, Justin loves these little cafes that like making everything from scratch and this was one of the best chocolate croissants he's ever had, he'll have to remember this place. It was so good he was considering agreeing to paint all pictures necessary for Cynthia, provided he could use their studio and get this croissant every day.

Cynthia had explained the various departments and functions of the agency, how many employees, how many rooms, how extensive their remodeling was, which wasn't too much, but the building was old (like most in New York city) and while they had to have remodeled the whole building when they moved in, since it was vacant for a few years before they moved, it was in need of a new coat of paint and Cynthia managed to convince her boss to give her the task of picking and choosing colors and matching décor and art work.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she demanded that task, not that she figured Brian would argue much, he had an eagle eye and unrivaled talent for advertising and fashion and colors and photography, but he'd much rather have someone else to decorate offices. Furnishing was his talent and he was insistent that he at least approve the art work after the walls were finished. The flooring and furniture was remaining, at the moment, and as of last weekend all the walls were completely finished, now it was on to decoration and art. Which she also purposely held off until now.

"So now that I know as much as I possibly can about all the details of your agency… I still don't know a thing about your business partner or the company itself. I am very impressed and if you throw in these croissants daily I'd be tempted on taking your offer right now before knowing those details. It also sounds like your purposely leaving something out and saving it till last… hoping to sell me before you drop the ball so I'm less tempted to running for the hills screaming."

"Don't be so melodramatic, it's nothing that serious, however… you're right, I'm glad you picked up on that, that tells me even more about you than I already know, I know more than enough… although I knew more than enough last night, but I knew I would have to draw you in and entice you before I explained too much."

"How could you know much about me, I make sure I'm very private, and even though I know my professional and educational career was public knowledge, you don't me personally, or how I work, or what I believe, or what I value. Although you are obviously intelligent and seem to pick up on more than most, you don't really know me."

"Ah, that's where you're wrong. I do know you, better than you think, and I know more than you could imagine at the moment. I wanted you for this job, not just an artist, not a painter, not even a New York artist or student or someone who's studied in Italy… I wanted you, Justin Taylor, to work for me, for the greatest advertising agency I think this city or state has ever seen. We have an amazing group of people that we have found to work with us and for us. We treat all our employees as equals, even if our boss can be a bit of a task master and slave driver, he's one of the boldest, most daring, bravest, fairest men I've ever met.

"He had a shitty childhood, fought tooth and nail to get where he is, worked his ass off to be able to have his own company at his age… which is young, but he would kill me for that statement, not to mention a gay man or woman never reveals their true age… and moving to New York was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his professional and personal life. He left behind his family, friends, his home, his safety, and his lover to come here to be the big fat fucking success he knew he could be."

"Wow… he sounds like an amazing person, albeit, and forgive me if I'm wrong, an asshole, but probably with a heart of gold."

"I couldn't have described him better myself, and I'm glad you describe him like that, too. It wasn't easy to move here and make it here. I know he still misses everyone he left behind. Oh, don't get me wrong, he still visits, but not as often as he'd like, and he has had a lot less time these past two years with opening his own agency than previously."

"I can understand and commiserate with that. I don't get back home too often to visit, but my family comes here sometimes and my best friend… and I go there on the occasional holiday when my mom's had enough and buys me a ticket and demands I come home for a few days. It is hard to make it on your own in a big city, with no help, by yourself, someone once told me that it's scarier doing what we want for us, than doing what everyone else expects us to do."

"Sounds like a very wise piece of advice, and something my business partner and friend would say. And on that note, I think we've carried this far enough… I'd like to tell you the name of our agency… and I think you'll know why I held back… and I hope you'll stay and listen to more after I tell you."

"Again with the ominous statements that keep me riveted to my seat and want to escape at the same time. I promise that I'll sit here and listen to whatever you have to say, although I couldn't imagine we have much more to discuss for the day."

"You'd be surprised… and I had all day set aside for this meeting because I had a feeling I would need it, you would need it… we would need it… and I'd say don't make promises you can't keep, but I have a feeling you wouldn't do that."

"Never… that's one thing I learned back home, from… a friend… never make promises you can't keep, and I promise to sit and listen."

"Very well… and I believe you… because I am co-owner of … Kinney and Perkins Advertising Agency."

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><p><strong>AN**: Another update is coming very soon, I promise. I had to share what I had so far.

I couldn't help myself with two names for this chapter... I heard that phrase once and had to use it. As I was writing these last couple chapters I hadn't planned on any other characters getting involved... but then Cynthia came to mind, she was underestimated and underused in the show and I felt she actually knew Brian better than absolutely anyone on that whole show... and that never came out on the show... not to mention she always kind of reminded me of me, at work, so I have a lot of fun writing for her.


	8. Irresistible in Passion

"_How beautiful maleness is, if it finds its right expression." - D. H. Lawrence_

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><p><strong>Irresistible in Passion and Perfected Selfhood<strong>

No! … Fuck! … Shit! … Goddamn it! Now I can't get up and walk away! Mother fucking… fucker! I can't fucking believe I … what? Didn't see that coming? Shit! Every time I thought about how cool it would be if we run into each other, all the time last night I spent thinking it would be a weird, but good coincidence if she happened to be at Brian's agency… I just had to be right. Fuck! Breathe Justin… goddamn it, goddamn him! Fine… I promised to listen, I'll listen and then… and then… what? Walk away? Refuse to see him? Refuse to work with this incredible woman who described her best friend and partner… as… that was Brian… how the fuck could she describe Brian like that?

Wait, she said he left his lover. She doesn't know shit, can't know shit about me if she thinks Brian thought like that. He left me, some stupid twink stalker who never left him alone. Sure I know Brian, I get him, I understand him, doesn't make it hurt less. I couldn't see him now every day and wonder, wait, hope, worry… Shit! She knew… I can tell by her face she fucking knows exactly how I would react, she fucking knew I would bolt!

She would have to know Brian exceedingly well to work for him all this time… fuck, now I know why the name sounded vaguely familiar, I've heard Brian talk to her, not very often and I had never seen her before last night, but I know I've heard her name… never put the two together… stupid, stupid! Fuck!

I remember the couple times Brian talked to her. He was still his usual sarcastic, asshole self, but… he spoke a little softer to her, listened to her, accepted whatever she said without question… could it be that she knew him better than me? I mean if they worked together… she used to be his assistant, and Brian had made her his business partner and co-owner? She must know him really well, maybe better than me, but how is that…

"You said… he left his lover… give me a sec to word this… I can almost see everything you've said… I can see the potential in him to be everything you said. I always thought I knew him better than anyone else. I always felt that I could read him better than anyone… but I can't grasp lover. So many thoughts and questions and what I thought happened, what might have happened, what we've been through, what… before anything else is discussed I need to know why you say he left his lover and how you could possibly expect me to work with… no, just the lover part I need explained… I have to know that before I can face anything else right now."

"First of all Justin let me say that you did know him better than most anyone else. No, I never met you, but that didn't mean I didn't hear about you. Mind you he didn't come in every day to talk about his wonderful weekend at home with the boyfriend. It was usually you wouldn't believe what that fucking twink did, or Sunshine, that's what she fucking named him… fuck, she named him… that means I'll never fucking get rid of him… well, he ranted pretty much every morning about something you had done the night before. And let me tell you right now… not even Mikey got that much attention.

"I know all about the family, extended family, weird family, and his real family, even though he doesn't know that I know about that. You see I was in charge of all his callers, everyone of his visitor's I censored who saw him and when. There was a very short list of people who he always took calls from… still has that list… and over the years it hasn't grown much at all. I can list everyone on that list who is allowed access to Mr. High-and-Mighty anytime. Now I still have a duty to make sure that even though those people are allowed to call him… there are times he's still too busy to take those calls.

"You want to know who's on that list? Or can you guess?"

"Ummm… I would assume Mikey is on the list, maybe Debbie… Lindsay would have to be there because of Gus… I don't know who else, but if you're suggesting what I think, then you're crazy, why would I be on that list?"

"You know you really did know him… but for all that, you have lost the ability. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it certainly makes the brain kick in and jumble up the emotions with thinking and logic. … Debbie is not on the list. Yes Mikey and Lindsay are, however Lindsay is allowed more access because of Gus. Mikey calls him constantly, still, even with being married."

"WHAT? Mikey's married? Holy shit… that must have wrinkled some feathers… how the hell did they pull that off? And when did that happen?"

"Several months after Brian moved Mikey opened a comic book store and met a local college professor looking for comic books to share with his class that featured homoeroticism in literature and fiction. They married in Canada a couple years ago during the 2004 Liberty Ride from Pittsburgh to Toronto."

"Wow… I mean I don't really ask about anyone and while my mom stays in contact with Debbie, I haven't talked to any of them since I moved. And my mom really doesn't tell me much… although that was probably for my benefit. I know she saw how hard it was on me when Brian left. And I know, or at least I thought I knew how he thought of me, but I couldn't stop the heartache I felt then, no matter how hard I tried.

"God, it's so weird to hear about them… to sit here talking about them and about Brian… I mean it was hard enough seeing him a couple weeks ago… I always knew he would be the only man to ever have a place in my heart, no matter what anyone else thought about being too young to love or to be in love, but I knew then, just like I know now, like I knew a few weeks ago. No one will ever take that place, no one will ever fill that void… and I don't know if I could stand seeing him all the time thinking he doesn't want me, doesn't need me, doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Justin… a lot has happened in his crazy Liberty Avenue family since you both left, and you may as well know that's your crazy family, too. Once Debbie adopts you, that's it, you'll never be free… if you walked back into her house right now, she would hug to do death, call you an asshole, smack you on the back of the head and then feed you till your ready to burst and be glad her boy came back. I guarantee that. You may have heard things from your mother's perspective, but I hear it from Brian's perspective, and everyone else, because even though he's here, it doesn't keep them from contacting him regularly. A few more so than others. A few of them even came with him to New York, on Brian's insistence. You remember Ted? He's now Brian's accountant."

"I remember Ted… I mean we weren't that close, even though I did live with Debbie for most of my senior year, and I babysat Gus regularly, I still see him when I can. He was such a beautiful baby… I can imagine Brian looking like that when he was young… but probably never as carefree and loved as Gus is. I know about his childhood, from Debbie, she felt I needed to know. Somehow it helped to know he was fucked up and there was a damn good reason for him not being able to share his feelings. Although his actions and what he said the other night still have me guessing. I could have sworn there was something there… I know he felt it, but…"

"Justin… that's one of the many reasons I wanted this meeting. To explain things from then and now that I can, to put your mind at ease, to let you know what I know and you can go from there. I didn't get a chance to say that you're on that callers list… well, you were anyway, and your mother… for that short time you lived with him and you both saw each other regularly. Course you never called probably because you didn't know you could, not that he would have told you, which figures, by the way, that's just like Brian. But he wanted to make sure that you and your mother could reach him if necessary. That's one of the reasons I know you were important to him.

"Another reason is that, like I said, he complained about you incessantly. That may seem like an illogical way to judge how important you are to a person by how much they gripe about you… but to Brian…"

"That makes sense… if he didn't care he wouldn't pay attention. If he really didn't care he'd never talk about it or complain about it because he wouldn't know enough to be able to say anything. That's one of those unwritten rules of the Brian Kinney Operating Manual, he only lets you know how much you fuck up if he gives a shit. You're right, I did know that then… and I do know it now… and I can imagine exactly what went through his mind the other night when I told him I loved him. I've been beating myself up about that ever since. I was hoping he had changed enough to hear me out and be more open to what I was offering. And I guess I went a little over the top with it."

Cynthia raises one eyebrow in a smirk so Brian like that you would swear she practiced in front of the mirror for.

"Okay, more than over the top… but I was working and I did have to get back to that job, and I knew if I left it as just a fuck and me walking away without saying something… well, I don't know what would have happened, exactly, but I was so emotionally charged that night with seeing him after so long, realizing that he would be the only man to ever claim my heart, the only man that… ummm…that has ever, I mean that first night he took me home, he… "

"Justin, I've known Brian and other gay men long enough to tell that, pardon my boldness, yet again, but you're a top and only bottom for Brian, and maybe for other men, but only if they are important to you. And I'm guessing that Brian is the only one in a long time that has, let's say taken you that way, and has every affected you so strongly, regardless of being a bottom or top."

"Wow… that is not only succinct, but I would say you must have gaydar, not many straight women have it that attuned, actually more than gaydar, that's a gay skill. "

"Not many women spend enough time in Brian Kinney's company to pick up and learn from the master."

"A truer statement maybe has never been made."

"Mmmm… I also know where you were going because I got filled in all about that night you two shared."

"All about it?… seriously?… umm… how? I wouldn't think that Brian would be the type to kiss and tell… oh god, that sounded ridiculous, but even when Brian seemed to regale his friends with stories of his tricks, it was usually at their insisting, not his."

"As silly as it sounds, you're right, Brian wasn't one to kiss and tell. He had a purpose for fucking and tricking, it had a meaning far deeper and more psychological than his friends would have understood. I think you got those reasons. I also think being in New York, away from everything and everyone did him tremendous amounts of good. While they call him regularly… I still control the calls coming in, so his contact with them is limited, unless I feel it's necessary… and I will monitor those conversations to make sure he doesn't fall back into his old behavior.

"You see being his assistant was a demanding, harrowing job. I saw and heard it all. Sure he functioned beautifully, even with little rest and all the drugs in the alphabet, but I saw what it was doing to him. He has significantly cut down on all that since moving here. Sure he feels there is an image to uphold, but it's more a business image than a stud of Liberty image, or the perfect best friend, hopefully someday, but never gonna happen lover, or the long lost perfect nuclear WASP family image of a friend, or asshole, or anything else they saw him as. I mean he's not the only predator out there, and in a city like New York there's a lot more than him, but he could still get anyone he wanted, and he wants you."

….

"I'm sorry, I was going to laugh, but I wasn't sure you were serious or not… you are aren't you? … Well based on everything we've said I'd say you know what you're talking about… but it still seems so hard to believe. How did you know about what I said that night, or what he said… and how much do you know about what I thought we had back in the Pitts?"

"I am serious… I do know what I'm talking about… and I'll gladly tell you how I know because I'm sure that will go a long ways in letting you know how he feels. His client was with him that night, Daniel. Just a night on the town for two gay men who had no interest in the other… like I said, Brian has changed being here. He still tricks, but only occasionally on weekends, he doesn't fuck his clients anymore, at all, unless it's outside the office and not connected to their accounts. I know his drinking is considerably less and he rarely participates in recreational drugs.

"So his client wanted a night on the town that a gay man would enjoy…. Well after you left a very stunned, speechless and hurt, yes hurt, Brian in that room… he decided to drown his sorrows a lot heavier than he's done in a while. Needless to say the affect was interesting, and very noticeable. Daniel had to call me to come escort him from a local gay bar near the Achilles… and he was completely shit faced. So much so that he doesn't remember coming home, only that he woke up with a hangover… which he rarely does, and had to face the fact that he was so out of it, he regaled Daniel and me with the complete, extended version of the Great Justin Taylor Fuck-off. His words, not mine.

"Now I'm not going to say he didn't deserve it… goodness knows what you went through that year you two were together… and whatever he said then… you were together. Part of me is glad that you did and said what you did, you showed him you had the strength and courage to stand up to him. Something you had then, too, even if it came across as annoying, know-it-all, twink of a teenager. The fact that you still have that tenacity and spunk, no pun intended, goes to show him you still have what it takes to fight for him.

"And if you want him, which I know you do, you'll definitely have to fight for him. Now… regardless of what happened that night, to recap on something previously stated, he only complains when he gives a shit… so the fact that he was falling down drunk, complaining like you wouldn't believe, and actually crying … yes Brian Kinney was crying, although he'll never admit it, and if you tell him I'll rip your balls off… whatever or whoever he was complaining about…"

"He has to care about a whole lot… and I'd never say anything to him about crying… I don't think I've actually ever seen him cry… although he did come pretty close when he gave up his parental rights to Gus. I'm not sure he even cried when his dad died, not that I don't blame him for not crying from what I heard about him at the time."

"Oh, he cried at the time… trust me… I didn't hear about much of it, but I know Brian… and knowing Brian he probably went to Mikey and cried on his shoulder. Don't be hurt that he didn't go to you, though. At the time he would have thought of you as too young to deal with it, not to mention he needed someone who knew all about his family and childhood… someone who saw him go through what he went through… that's what Mikey was for him. That's what Brian needed and he wouldn't have been able to confide in you at the time, even though I know you would have let him."

"God… every time I want to be mad at him for being such a stubborn asshole, he does something like that that not only proves he cares, but proves that he has to be one of the most selfless people I know. He was always doing things and giving things to others, but no one ever saw that. I know Mikey and I had our fair share of problems with each other, and it was hard to get past that, I do know that Mikey was there during a time when Brian needed him… and what I wouldn't have given to be there for him as well, then and now.

"I think that was always the problem. I was just young enough that no one thought I would stick around, especially Brian. I know I played the twink card well at the time… I did that on purpose because I knew no one would take me seriously enough. Mikey was there for Brian growing up, and I was there for Brian as an adult. Even for the short time we had it was the best year of my life. Even with all the shit Brian did and said and all the crap I had to put up with from the family about me not getting my hopes up cause Brian didn't do relationships. That's probably one thing that really got to me when he left… they were all right and maybe I was just a fuck who wouldn't go away.

"No matter what I remembered, I kept going back to the fact the he left and I was stuck without him. Yes I was heartbroken and miserable… but more so than anyone else thought I was… it was a hurt more deep and more profound than I think any of them would have understood. They say time heals all wounds… well, partially. I buried the past, moved forward, made myself focus on my future and career. I had a couple relationships, but mostly tricks, and only if I felt like it… I know why Brian did what he did… even though it bothered me for a long time that we never really got a goodbye anything.

"I went to see him at his loft while he was packing, a couple times that last week. One time he told me that he would forget me and I should forget him. I could tell by the look on his face he wouldn't forget me, but he was trying to force me to grow up and be responsible, accept that sometimes decisions aren't easy at all, but are necessary to get ahead in life.

"He was so sweet and tender that night… it was like good-bye, but he didn't leave, so I went back the next day… I remember mentioning that apartments were ridiculously expensive… thank god for rent control and knowing people in the art community. He got a phone call from the agency that hired him and it was apparently gonna take a while so he all but kicked me out… that was the last I saw of him. I know everyone went to the airport to the next day, or at least his loft, but I just couldn't.

"Seeing him the other night was … beyond words… I can't begin to tell you all the thoughts and feelings that flew threw me at seeing him. If he had asked me to leave with him and go back to his place I would have left right then and there… but, I think I've rambled enough about that though. I have moved past it all, and while I did say bye to Brian the other night, I did that more for me than him. I couldn't say later and have my dreams shot again.

"So I guess the question is… am I willing to give him a chance? Hell yes… this is Brian… and I'll stupidly, blindly take any chance I am given because I love him so much. My only question left is… do you really need art work for the office, and if so, how the hell is that going to work?"

"Wow… that was definitely a mouth full… and it sounds like you've thought while we've been talking and I think have made a wise decision. Course, I must admit, getting you two back together is partly selfish… do you have any idea how hard it is to work with him… and how much easier he is to deal with when he has you backing him up… even if you don't see that?"

"Really?"

"Really… even that year before coming here, that had to be my easiest year being his assistant. And like I said, even though they were mainly complaints… I knew you were something special when he griped about you more than about Mikey."

"Well, I'll take that as the compliment it's probably meant to be."

"Definitely! Justin I do know that he's ready… but he wasn't prepared… if that makes sense. He needs time to think and absorb and assimilate. He's had enough time now. Yes we do need art for the office… the whole thing… and I want you not only because of how good it would be for Brian and you, but I also know that it will look great on your resume as well as because of how talented I know you are. Which leads me to the main reason I wanted to meet today and why I met you last night."

Justin raises his eyebrow in a Kinney like smirk that now it's Cynthia's turn to be impressed.

"Brian is out of town working on getting a big sporting goods account… I know, believe me, I know, but it's a multi-million dollar account and he wants it. He'll be out of town till tomorrow night which is also why he couldn't come to your opening… which he did want to go to. Although he had no idea what he was going to do or say or how to approach you. He was grateful when I offered to go and check out your work and see, how shall I say this… if you were alone or had someone with you.

"He has no idea I am doing what I'm doing, though. You don't work with Brian and not know how to hide something. After all, I'm not lying, I was just omitting the truth. He has no idea that I want you for our art work, and he has no idea that I planned on talking to you for so long about getting you two back together."

"Yes, I'd say you definitely learned from the master… because only someone taught and trained by Brian could beat Brian…. Alright, so since he's not in town, I'm assuming today would be a perfect time to tour the building and get some shots and ideas. And I'm also assuming that since he wanted to come to my show… and he was miserable the other night after I said everything I did… although I won't take any of it back… that would not only be pointless, but Brian would look down on someone trying to excuse their actions…. He does want me back, he's willing to try, and lord knows I'm more than willing to try. Okay… so … where do I sign?"

"Follow me, I'll show you around, you can meet everyone there… and I know they'll keep you a secret, they want what's the best for their master and leader as well… and while they might not know him like I do… they certainly have a very healthy respect for him and know that there's someone he left behind and some of them know what I'm doing… We'll stop by accounting and legal and get that contract signed up and hammer out all the details… shall we?"

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><p><strong>AN**: Update definitely coming soon... but might take until Friday or Saturday... but will definitely posted this weekend... and hopefully a couple chapters at once. R&R Please... it's much appreciated, I thank you and my muse thank's you.


	9. Think not with the mind, but the heart

_"Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can." - Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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><p><strong>Think not with the mind, but with the heart.<strong>

_**Tuesday Morning - Kinney & Perkins**_

"Good Morning Boss."

"Well aren't you just Little Mary Sunshine this morning."

"And you look like Little Mary Go-Fuck-Yourself… guess I don't need to ask you how your trip was."

"What gave it away? My charming disposition or the lack of email I _always_ send when I get an account?"

"Oh, don't get all snarky with me... so how was the trip, besides the obvious?"

*moan* "Fine, if you must know… I decided to try and make up for the shitty trip and considerable lack of account, but not for lack of trying, that fucker is so damned stubborn, that campaign was fucking perfect and he knows it… I went back to the Pitts on Sunday for a visit."

"Not everything happy in the land of Liberty? Or was something else wrong?"

"I had fun with Gus, but I always do, and oddly the munchers are fine with no more than the usual complaints, and Sunday dinner was fine, course I got to here all about how much I'm missed and don't come often enough and yada, yada, yada. Everyone's doing fine… it was the fucking trip back that was annoying."

"I was wondering what was up since you were scheduled to come back yesterday, you don't usually come in a whole day late, and your text of being late didn't tell me anything you know."

"I was too fucking pissed to say anything. My flight was delayed due to some technical difficulties, and it just so happens to be a busy fucking weekend for flying so my only options were driving, yeah fucking right, I've done that once, never doing that again, or wait to fly out Monday afternoon. I had no interest in going back to the city and dealing with the family again so I stayed in the airport and tried to work till my flight time."

"You don't look very well rested for having arrived yesterday."

"I had a hell of a time sleeping last night. I just can't believe that John wants me to redo his fucking campaign, again! It's the third fucking time. The ads were fucking perfect and he knows it. That's what gets me, he's playing hard to get just to see how high I'll go when he says jump."

"Well, I'd tell you to tell him to fuck off, you don't need it, but I know how long you've wanted that account and that you'd do anything to get it… maybe that's the problem… he knows you'll do anything to get it, too."

"Hmmm… have something in mind Miss Perkins?"

She grins at him, with an almost Kinney like smirk.

"Make him wait… don't get back to him right away. Oh sure work on revamping his campaign, consult with your art department to see if they have any new or different ideas. And don't give me that look, we wouldn't have hired them if they weren't good. Maybe… you just need a new perspective."

"Sounds like you're going somewhere specific with this, but do I want to know where?"

"Of course you do! You know what I was doing and I know you're just dying to find out if I found someone… okay, so maybe not that anxious, but I'm very happy with what I did, and I'm positive it will help you, and the rest of us."

"Uh huh… so Cynthia [he says sneeringly] how was your weekend _dear_?"

"I thought you'd never ask, _honey_."

They both chuckle at that friendly banter and the overall mood seems a little better, which is a relief for Cynthia knowing what she has to say and do next.

"I found the perfect person for all the artwork and decorating."

"Perfect, huh? Why does that sound like an exaggeration?"

"Absolutely perfect, and I think you'll agree once you meet him."

"Well I'd say you're going in the right direction with the him part, but I know interior decorator types. They're either too fucking swishy or pretentious arrogant assholes who treat buying some paintings, lamps and vases like some life saving surgery or life altering event that should change you forever. Unless you hired Emmett, and in that case, fire his ass… he's not fucking decorating my offices."

"First of all, our offices… Second, Em's been great the few times we've needed him for entertaining, but I don't think his fashion sense would fit in here."

"You can say that again."

"Anyway, I think this one you'll be pleasantly surprised with… well at least surprised, I'll save the pleasantries for later."

"Okay… so what's his name and where'd you find him? Or do I want to know?"

"Try to sound a little more interested… and I'll do you one better… *pushes button on intercom* come on in, tiger, he's all yours."

"His? … Tiger? Did you just seriously call him tiger? Either he's not gay and you fucked him… which would mean he's a terrible decorator cause he's straight, or you hired Tiger Woods, and…"

"Would you calm down and stop making a fucking mountain out of a mole hill. It's just a nickname… boss! Although better than _your_ nickname, albeit equally deserved at times."

"Far be it from me to argue, I'd hate to be known as a jungle cat. I'd much rather be known as slave driver."

"You always have gotten off on power over others, haven't you?"

Brian looked away from Cynthia to the hauntingly familiar voice at the door. It took Brian a few seconds to try to breath normally, cause the little fucker was still beautiful and even hotter than normal at the moment. In designer dress slacks that somehow managed to show off every curve both front and back, and a cashmere v-neck sweater in the softest blue that highlighted his eyes perfectly. Then it took a few more seconds to remember their last encounter and that was enough to feel that anger, frustration and hurt (a hurt deeper than he wanted to admit) and then suddenly he figured out why he was here. It didn't take the look between Cynthia and Justin to convince him they worked together on this.

"I don't fucking think so… this is the fucking decorator? Well, fuck that… I don't care who the fuck you hire, but not him, he made that quite clear last time we spoke, right _Justin_? I don't know what you're playing at Cynthia, but…"

"Brian!"

He knew he had to listen to whatever she said next. Oddly enough she only used his given name the same as he used given names: to make a point. So he stopped ranting and raised one eyebrow in her direction in question.

Still fighting the temptation to ream them both and kick them out of his office, or grabbing Justin, ripping his perfect designer clothes off and fucking him over his desk. Why did this kid always affect him like this? The he wonders what Cynthia is doing and why the fuck do they look like long lost best friends, hugging and whispering to each other and smiling at each other… right before Cynthia leaves… what the fuck?

"What the fuck?"

"Brian, I realize how this must look, but I can explain and if you give me a chance I think you'll change your mind about hiring me… although it was Cynthia who hired me, so technically you'd have to talk to her about that."

"Or I could just kick you the fuck out and not listen to anything you have to say."

"No… you can't."

"Excuse me? My office, my rules, you don't fucking tell me what to do in my…"

"Would you calm the fuck down? First of all, Cynthia would throw us right back in, you know she would. Second, we've had more than enough time to talk about everything and even if don't want anything to do with me personally, you need me professionally and I plan to do an outstanding job."

"If I don't want anything personal? And whose fucking fault is it that nothing happened, huh? You left, you said goodbye, it was painfully obvious you wanted to leave."

"You know for being so smart, you're a fucking idiot sometimes."

"How dare you, you little shit, if you're gonna fucking insult me you can get the fuck out know, Cynthia be damned."

"Brian… *sigh* I didn't come here to argue or insult or fight. I came here to do a job, through Cynthia, and the only way I was gonna be able to that is if I apologized and explained a few things after talking with her."

"Well, since you two are so chummy enlighten me with what you've learned."

"Don't Brian."

"Don't what?"

"Don't do that… don't hide behind your walls of sarcasm and condescending remarks, just open your ears and listen, and this time pay attention."

"Pay attention? You're accusing me of not paying attention… I always listen, too well, and it was you who left, you walked away, you…"

"OKAY! I get it, obviously we're both still hurt… oh don't try denying it, we both hurt each other, otherwise you wouldn't be so goddamned angry, and for the record… _YOU_ left first. When you left the Pitts to come here – you left first. I know why you did it, I really do, but it didn't make the hurt go away. Now, how about we sit and discuss why I'm here like two rational adults."

"Yeah, cause talking worked so well last time."

*sigh* "It would have, had it been a conversation, but it wasn't. I talked, you got scared and defensive, and didn't seem to hear anything I was saying. Maybe you're more open to listening now, hopefully, here in your office, where I know you feel safe. You don't need your walls or defenses with me. I'm on to you remember?"

He waits for Brian to say anything or do anything. He sits in the chair in front of Brian's desk while Brian sits back down at his desk. When he notices that Brian's not going to move or speak he figures he'll continue. Maybe the fact that Brian isn't arguing or yelling is a step in the right direction. Then again, it could just be the calm before the storm.

"Last time I was too emotionally charged to think rationally and calmly. You see to have that affect on me. I can't think straight when you're near me, especially in that kind of situation. But you see? You also spoke loud and clear that night. You don't need words for me to understand you. I don't either, but I like words, I like talking, communication is the key to any successful relationship… and don't tell me you don't do relationships. What do you think friendships and family are? Whether you want to admit it or not, Gus, Debbie, Michael, even Cynthia and Ted… you have relationships with every single one of them. AND you love them, even if it's in your own way. But I'm not gonna repeat myself from last time, unless I think you need to hear any of it again."

"Oh goody… I forgot how much of a public service announcement you could be… Taylor knows best, huh? I'm oh so anxious to continue this lesson on life and _love_."

"Oh would you knock off the sarcasm and stop trying to knock me down? I don't think I'm better than you, I'm not trying to put you in your place, I'm not going to convince you to do anything… because no one can. There may be people you give in to, but only because you want to. You never do anything you don't want."

"Sounds like you've been talking to Mikey… again."

The again throws him a little, but only for a second, cause he's on a roll and Brian actually seems to be listening, in his own unique way. He remembers the last time that Mikey had talked to him… and apparently Brian remembered then, too… that's a little hope to lean on.

"Actually it was Cynthia. I think she knows you better than Mikey claims to, or anyone claims to. You've always cared what people thought about you… no, don't argue with on that point… just listen. All your so called friends and family have you permanently and never changing placed into whatever box they want you in. And you fill those roles so they still want you and accept you. They don't see when you're there for them, helping them unless they need something. Now I know they love you and you love them, but only Cynthia sees how that affects you day in and day out. I'm not saying this to get her in trouble, but she can't have worked with you for so long and not know you better than yourself."

"Mmmmpphh."

"Sorry, I missed that."

"Now who's using sarcasm?"

Justin grins big and Brian thinks it's a damned good thing Justin has no idea how that smile still affects Brian.

"Alright… you wanna be adults about this, fine. I won't deny anything you've said, but I don't want to talk about it. Knowing Cynthia she's kept my calendar clear for this, probably knowing how much we'd argue or talk. You've obviously been in contact with her long enough to hear some of what she knows. How about we put the past behind us and talk business, since that's clearly why you're her, although I'm still not sure why."

"I'll put the past behind us, if you can. Not to forget it, because that will never happen, and my feelings will never change. But I can set aside the past and focus on the present. And I'm here because I'm more than qualified to provide your offices with all the art work necessary, I have several ideas for everything, and decorating is just an extension of art and advertising yourself, and I know I can do that exceedingly well, too."

"Awfully sure of yourself that you'll get the job and can do all the art, aren't you?"

"Very confident I can do the job… which I already have by the way… you'd have to fire me to…"

"What do you mean a job you… already… CYNTHIA!"

"You bellowed, boss?"

"How the fuck did you get here so fast? Were you listening at the door or something?"

*grins* "I was waiting for you to yell for me eventually. I figured I'd save myself the trip. How you doin' Justin?"

"Very well, thank you… but Mr. High and Mighty over there isn't."

"Fuck you!"

"Anytime dear."

Brian has to do a double take at that… what the fuck was that? Not only does he rarely get thrown that easily, but he's fucking pissed that he actually was tempted to take him off on the offer, fucking little shit.

Justin and Cynthia are trying very hard not to laugh at the whole thing.

"Justin, it'll be so much fun having you here. … So… Brian… yes I hired him, all the paperwork has been taken care of, Ted approves by the way and the art department already love him. I like the ideas he has so far. Our clients will love it when he's done. Not to mention he's the most talented artist around."

"Well, I wouldn't say that… I mean I know I'm good, but."

"Oh shut up, I saw your work remember? Especially the centerpieces. Don't tell me you're not exceptional, those pieces were outstanding and if it weren't already sold I would buy one for my office."

"Thanks Cyn… I appreciate the compliment, and you know anything there that you want, just let me know, and I can do another one while I'm here."

"You're welcome and thank you… and you deserve it, I would…"

"Excuse me!"

Both of them turn to look at Brian. Not that they forgot he was there, could anyone ever forget that they're standing near Brian Kinney, especially when they're sitting in his office?

"Is this not my office? I make the decisions, I choose who comes and goes, and who talks and who should be silent. Now I want to know why you didn't consult with me before hiring him and what makes you think he's qualified to decorate and provide appropriate and enough art work for an advertising agency?"

"Cyn, I don't know how you do it, I only put up with him for a year, and it wasn't even every day."

"I know, but I love the asshole, what are you gonna do?"

"Hey! _Asshole_ still here you know… Well, fine, since you two seem to be bosom buddies and have already taken to conspiring with each other, and think you know what you're doing, how about you take you little party somewhere else so I can get some real work done!"

They both smile at each other knowingly… they won, but he'll never admit it.

"Whatever you say boss! Come on Justin, you can show me your other ideas back in my office."

"You go ahead, I'll be right there, I need to say another minute."

She thinks about it for a second, but sees the look in Justin's eyes. The love, thanks, appreciation at being given a second chance (at least by one person close to Brian), and decides to give him a little time.

"Alright, one minute, then I'm coming in to get you."

*chuckle* "Thanks."

They nod and smile at each other. Brian is still pissed, confused, angry, hurt, frustrated, and horny. Sitting in any space with Justin is reason to be horny, but to see him look so damned accepting, calm, open and confident. Not to mention it pisses him off to no end that Justin looks so fucking right in his office, like he belongs. It's obvious that Justin is no longer a kid, he carries himself like a man, speaks like a man, commands attention like a man. And fuck if he doesn't find it hotter than fuck to see the smooth, sexy domineering man that Justin has become. The man that is approaching his chair slowly and almost seductively, but with a determination that Brian recognizes as Justin wanting to say something and will not be interrupted.

Justin sits on the edge of the desk right in front of Brian. He knows he can do this, he doesn't need to be brave. Brian could have thrown him out, if he really wanted to, that fact that he's sat and listened so far and seems to be accepting of his new position: very promising.

"There's one more thing I need to say and I need you to listen… are you listening?"

Brian nods, cause he can't really speak, doesn't want to speak and have Justin know the reaction he's having on him, and a nod seems more aloof than speaking.

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I know you don't feel like you have a choice, but you do, you always do. You wouldn't let me stay if you didn't believe I could do it… so thank you for believing in me. I spent the last few days talking to Cynthia. Like I said I'm willing to put the past behind us, but I don't want to. I can set my feelings aside to do this job and keep it purely professional.

"Here's my card, the gallery's website is there, look up my exhibit if you want to know what I'm capable of, now after college, multiple exhibits, training in Italy and France. I'm sorry if anything I ever said hurt you. And don't tell me sorry's bullshit, not about this it isn't. Whatever I said, whatever I did, whatever I thought, it's nothing compared to how I feel about you. I still want you and I still love you. That will never change.

"So, I'll work here and do what Cynthia hired me to do, but I wanted you to know before I walk out that door and become a full-time employee for a while, that I really do love you, ever since that first night you took me home… and I always will, and if you want me, I'm here, I'm waiting, I'm willing and I'm ready."

And then Justin surprised the fuck out of Brian, by leaning forward, grabbing his neck and kisses him, fast and hard, but oh so sweet and tender and wet and soft. Justin always smelled and tasted better than any other man he'd ever tasted, and if he was honest with himself, he'd missed that flavor, that intimacy that tricking didn't provide. Brian barely had a chance to respond, with both of them moaning a little before Justin pulled away. A little breathless, with his lips a little darker and wetter than before, and if he looked beautiful before, Brian can't even find a word to describe him now.

Justin turns and walks out the room, but right before opening the door he turns back to Brian. He looks directly at him, completely open, eyes full of all the love and lust, desire and need clearly shining in Justin's eyes, his body clearly ready for release. And Brian has a hell of a time fighting to stay in his chair. Justin smiles a little, a soft sweet smile.

"Always Brian… always."

And then he's gone and Brian is staring at the door, after a glimpse at the most perfect fucking ass Brian has ever seen or had the pleasure to fuck. And he thinks about that fucking smile. That little smile Brian only ever saw late at night, after they'd just finished fucking, when Justin would be just about asleep, but would smile a little smile at Brian. Not a smile that meant anything other than love. Brian got it then, he did, he just fought it tooth and nail cause he knew Justin was too fucking young to understand… or maybe it was Brian who was too jaded to get it, or want to get it… but looking again at Justin now… he thinks he understands a little better, and it's obvious that Justin always understood and knew exactly what he was doing.

Brian always knew you never chased anyone, which was only for pathetic fags who couldn't let go. He told Mikey to never chase anyone. It was one of his rules, one of his many rules to fucking and being the perfect gay man… one of his many rules he knew he had broken… for Justin. He fucked him a whole lot more than once, had him sleep in his bed regularly, every time they had fucked actually, had gone after him, chased him, and followed him… many times.

Now Brian has to come to terms with the fact that Justin will be here for months, frequently, in and out of his offices, and all the departments, working with the people there. Fuck! He knew the affect that Justin had on him, Justin knew the affect he had on him, fuck, even Cynthia knows. Cynthia knows. Oh shit… no wonder Cynthia hired him. Cynthia does know him better than anyone else. He may miss certain people back in the Pitts, but he was very glad to get out from all the bullshit. He can actually be his own person. And even though he still is the same person, he also knows he's changed. And even though he'd probably never admit it to anyone, Justin was right… about several things.

He wants nothing more than to go grab Justin pull him back in and fuck him senseless… or better yet take him back to his place and fuck him into the mattress all day, and then maybe all night. But he doesn't want to seem too eager, too ready. Not that he fucking cares what anyone thinks, and here, in New York, he actually doesn't have his little audience of friends and family to judge him. He's sure that Justin would seem way to smug if he went running after him… then again, clearly Justin has changed. Well, first things first, Brian decides. He'll check out Justin's work, if he has an exhibit, he should be able to check it out, see what he can do… and then go from there, wherever the fuck that is.

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><p><strong>AN**: Sorry for the little tease there... you didn't think I'd give in that fast, did you? But next chapter... smut and lemons a plenty! :) ... Oh, and a quick thank you again to all my wonderful reviewers and silent readers... you don't know how thrilling it is to know you all enjoy my stories.


	10. One step forward, two steps… forward?

**A/N**: Okay so I couldn't fit the smut in here, but that's why I posted two chapters... keep reading, you'll find it. Thank you readers and kind reviewers. Hugs for everyone! :)

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><p><p>

"_He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear." - Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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><p><strong>One step forward, two steps… hopefully forward<strong>

_Friday evening – One month later _

It's been a month since I started working at Kinney & Perkins. One month working near Brian and… nothing. Well I guess I shouldn't say nothing. It's been professional, just like I told him I'd be. I guess I shouldn't expect him to come running to me to express his undying love and apologize for not seeing it sooner. This is Brian Kinney, after all. I mean it's not like I've gotten no response, but a little more would be nice.

I said I'm here, I'm waiting, he has to know I'm ready. He has given me some indication of something. I'd say not much, but that's not quite true either. I got the patented Brian Kinney "not bad," and I know that in Kinney speak that means pretty damn good.

I've been waiting anxiously to see what he thought of my exhibit, but I haven't heard anything. Not one word about whether he went and didn't like it or didn't care enough to go. Maybe he did see it and is just purposely keeping that from me, I don't know. This weekend is the last weekend, actually it's just two days away. Almost everything has sold, and I'm very proud and humbled by the whole experience. But Brian was always had the most important opinion to me and I was really looking forward to his, well… anything he might think.

I haven't been going out in the evening. I refuse to go to bars or clubs because I really don't want to run into Brian that way. I'm not trying to fool myself into thinking he doesn't still trick or do drugs, but I don't know if I'd be able to see it. It's not like I'm not busy enough anyway. My evenings are spent painting in my studio, or sketching my favorite subject… Brian, of course… was there any doubt. I actually went years without sketching him, because it was easier, or at least I tricked myself into thinking it was easier. But since that night at Achilles… anytime I feel like sketching, he's what appears on the page.

I'm still working on ideas for the painting for Brian's office, but I was hoping for some feedback from my show before I decided on anything. I know what I want to do for Cynthia's office, and she has no problem with me surprising her.

My time right now is split between working at the agency and my studio. All the private areas and offices are getting paintings: Brian, Cynthia, the other ad execs, legal, accounting, personnel, the break room/kitchen, and oddly enough, the employee restrooms. All the public areas, or the areas usually seen by clients or the public, will be getting different art work… those pieces I work on at the agency: Areas such as the conference rooms, receptions areas, public restrooms and hallways. I mean the ad exec offices are seen by the public as well, so those paintings will be slightly different to the more generic ones for the rest of the building. Of course with an artist painting everything, nothing will be generic, but it mostly will be simple, with each area having its own theme for the art work there.

The art department is where I spend my time when I'm at Kinney & Perkins. They don't need any art work, though, not with all the art work they technically have there every day. I've really enjoyed working with the art department; Sheila, Mark, Robert, James, Terry, and Chris are all great. And I've been able to work with them the whole time I've been there.

It actually took me just that first week to finish all the decorations. While I don't have much decorating experience, I know Brian well enough and I played on the minimalist approach he already had. I only added color through some different furniture where I felt it was needed and plants for a more natural feeling, but no flowers. A lot of offices like floral arrangements or homey feelings. First of all that's not the feeling you want in a modern advertising agency, second I'm allergic, and others might be as well, and you definitely don't want your clients being sick. Plus it's just too… I don't know… common, done to death, unless he's advertising for a floral company, and even if I can't see that happening, if it did, there's no competition for them to view.

I did improve lighting in the art department, where I saw fit. And the kitchen/dining area needed slightly softer lighting and a little more calming color on the walls, so that was taken care of that first week I was there, as well. The whole place, all the offices, the whole building has these dark hard wood floors which add a great backdrop for the white, glass and metal that dominate the building. Even the desks match. I didn't want to ruin that stark, but clean and crisp contrast by muddying it up with rugs. My art work should really be the centerpiece to all spaces.

The first day I was there I had apparently been busy enough with Cynthia to miss Brian's ranting and complaining to the art department about the Blick Sporting Good's campaign. It never ceases to amaze me that Brian, who needs to rely on the art department to bring his campaigns to life, love blaming them for everything. So later that day, in between décor planning and shopping with Cynthia, when I was in the art department I was seen as sort of an unofficial ad designer. I must admit that while the whole campaign worked, I had a few suggestions that the staff really appreciated and incorporated. Two days later it was ready to be presented to the Lord and Master, and guess who got nominated for that special task.

I guess that was the first little clue I had to Brian changing. And change he has. It wasn't really fair to say nothing's happened. It hasn't been apparent or overt to anyone but me (and maybe Cyn), but every once in a while I'll get a "not bad" or more detailed compliment. It's hard to still be professional, but that's what we've been, although I think his professional demeanor with me is softer and sweeter than with others.

[Start Flashback]

_I don't know why I'm the one doing this, but clearly they feel I won't get in trouble or fired if Brian hates this whole campaign. So I've got all the boards, a laptop and the flash drive. Fortunately when I get to Brian's office he isn't there. So I set up everything on his small conference table. I set out a few boards with the most changes, start up the laptop, plug in the flash drive, open the power point presentation and web pages. I lean down to plug in the charger and I hear the door open. I know it's him before I see him, I can feel and smell him and it takes me a few seconds to get up. _

_For some reason he seems frozen in place, but as I glance at his face and clear my throat he turns to his desk. He sets down his briefcase, takes off his jacket and loosens his tie a bit before coming over the me and everything I have. After viewing the boards that are out and briefly glancing at the laptop he turns to me, giving nothing away._

"_So Taylor… what's the resident artist doing presenting this to me instead of the art director?"_

_Professional, right? How many times do I have to tell myself that to believe it? God, the way he says Taylor sends chills down my spine, but I can't let it show. In a confident, independent person showing his boss something way, I summon what courage I have (yeah, keep telling yourself that Taylor)._

"_I've been working with the art department on a couple ideas for the art work for the reception area and they wanted my opinion on the campaign. I made a couple suggestions on the web page, but the changes there are theirs. They're very talented artists, but were a little unsure as to where to take everything since they all felt it was great before. And it was, but there's always room for improvement so I gave them a shove in the right direction. Now for the printed ads, I made a couple changes there and worked with the artists to get it right."_

_As I'm talking I stack up all the boards in order to show Brian, who is just standing and listening, almost not caring, but I can almost sense his interest. Well, I'll just show the boards in order to Brian as I talk._

"_Now my idea was that the first one or two ads be ambiguous, after all in any market, if you show people something they should want without giving it to them, they want to know more, and by the time you give it to them they're willing to buy anything. The next series of ads I suggested that they all look a little more cohesive and similar, but with minor changes that brings the eye more towards the product than the previous ads. _

"_Not to mention that with these new ads they match the commercial and web site so people will recognize it easier and be more inclined to want a product when everything is aesthetically pleasing."_

_Brian still hasn't really responded. I place all the boards on the easel and steps away a little. Mainly because if I don't separate myself a little more my professional, serious, employee persona will be out the window._

"_Not bad Taylor, not bad at all. Hopefully that fucking prick John will think it's good too. What we had before was fucking perfect, but… maybe the eye of a real artist will be just what John was looking for."_

_And with that Brian nods and heads toward his desk._

"_You can leave all that there for now, I'll let you know when you can come get it."_

… "_Sure, okay… I mean, of course Bri… Mr. Kinney."_

_Great Justin, nothing like sounding like a scared little boy. I can just make out his smirk as I leave._

[End Flashback]

That was a huge compliment for Brian to make. I'm not sure what faked me out more, though that day. The two not bad's or calling me a real artist. Maybe that meant he had seen my show, but chose not to share, not that that would be a first. But who knows.

I've really been enjoying working with the art department. They're great people that occasionally need a little help and just like Brian said, I guess a real artist's perspective is helpful every once in a while. I love using their computers and equipment. It's really helped me for creating the main areas art work. My idea was creating a large mural for the front reception area that would be a college of all the best ad campaigns. I even designed a new logo and name (not the name per se, but the look of the name). I'm assuming Brian like it because it got approved and the signs ordered.

The other public areas will get the same type of art work, using the agencies most popular products and largest clients. I know Cynthia and the art staff loved the idea. The bathrooms will all get generic abstract paintings or prints in bold colors, but very simplistic. Well except for Brian's private bathroom, that will get a very special painting, but I haven't decided yet.

I don't see Brian often, but if we do run into each other I get a nod and a "Taylor" but nothing more. I usually respond with a "Hello Mr. Kinney" which always garners a reaction, for a split second. But whether it's appreciation or disdain I haven't figured out yet.

I'm finishing the paintings for the kitchen/dining area at the moment. Now there's an area that got me. It has a full size fridge, microwave, double sided sink, with sprayer and dish washing supplies, and tons of counter space and cabinet space. The seating area has enough room for 30 people and the chairs are surprisingly comfortable. I can't see Brian ever eating in there, but it doesn't surprise me it's so comfortable and functional. The vending machines are something else entirely.

I was shocked that Brian Kinney allowed vending machines into his office area, until I looked closer. The machines were more like open shelved glass fridges that you'd find in bakeries, but taller. There are gourmet looking salads, sandwiches, fruit cups and healthy snacks (like brie and grapes or pears and gorgonzola). Then there's the drink section with Naked Foods© Juices, energy drinks, specialty coffee drinks and bottled water. Then there was a coffee machine that was gourmet looking as well as serving several types of coffee drinks, teas and hot chocolates. It was all impressive and very good. What surprised me even more is that it wasn't a vending machine per se… it was based on the honor system, with a locked money box and it was optional to pay. And, actually everyone did. One of these days I will have to remember to ask where Emmy Lou Catering was located, I was definitely impressed.

I want to get these paintings done tonight so I can I have all weekend free to start work on Brian's painting. I don't know how far I'll get, but I should probably set my alarm so I won't be late for my exhibit closing. While it's not nearly as crowded as opening night, it gives my agent a chance to drum up a few more commissions and notoriety. And of course whatever journalists might be there to report on whatever they want. I never did get around to asking Brian if he'd been to the exhibit, but I guess I'll have to ask Monday, and maybe drop off one of the books that was made to showcase the exhibit.


	11. Anywhere you go, I will follow

"_Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." - Harold Wilson_

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><p><strong>Anywhere you go, I will follow<strong>

_Taxi, somewhere in Soho, on the way to the Sloan Art Gallery_

"I can't believe you're making me fucking do this."

"Yeah, like anyone can force you to do anything."

"Mmmm"

"You're going cause you want to go, cause you missed going last time, and you know damn well you'll enjoy seeing his face when you show up on closing night."

Brian has to smirk a little at that… he does know how Justin will react to him showing up.

"Besides, as Justin says… I'm on to you, remember? I know you've been coming at least once a week to the exhibit to see everything and you're dying to get your hands on the one painting he won't sell."

"When the hell did I ever let my guard down enough for you to get to know me that well?"

"Hmmm… maybe right after you hired me and I covered your ass for being hungover and high after the white party back in 95."

"Ah yes, I remember that… good times, good times… all those beautiful men in white, half naked, just waiting for me to discover them…"

"And fuck them all senseless?"

"That's a given." *smirk*

*laugh* "You almost came into work that day, but I was able to cut you off at the elevator and take you back home."

"How did you know where I lived anyway? You couldn't have been my assistant for more than a month then."

"I wanted to know everything about where I was going to work, so I did a little research and let's just say I have some friends who know computers very well… even then. I knew all about the stud of Liberty Avenue."

"You found that on the computer back then?"

"No, but I did find your home address… and something about Liberty Avenue and Babylon… so I spent a couple weekends hanging out at various clubs and bars listening to all the gossip."

"You spent a few weekends on Liberty… a straight girl new to the working world and just hung out? Just to get to hear about your boss?"

"What can I say, when I want something, I find a way to get it… maybe that's one of the reasons I knew we'd get along so well. I may not be a twink, nor look like a lesbian, but trust me a pretty blond girl gets more than enough attention to learn a thing or two. Not to mention I had a gay best friend in college, so I knew all the gay hang-outs near campus and probably knew more about gay sex than you did when you were in college."

"No shit… well I'll be damned, why Cynthia Perkins, you never told me you were a former fag-hag."

"Who you calling fag-hag? No I was never coined a fag-hag… although I guess that term is appropriate, he always liked calling me a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Helped me fit right in on Liberty, I had the knowledge, the lingo, and I knew the look that straight girls need to have to be totally accepted into the gay world."

"Don't tell me you have clubbing clothes, too?"

"Of course… and a cute little unassuming blond girl who looks new to the clubbing world… well let's just say that the bears think they needed to protect me, the queens think I should have been a man so I could do drag, and the trannies loved my hair and wanted make-up tips. And oddly enough I knew enough about gay sex that I was giving some of them pointers. I had a blast on Liberty those few times I went, and I can read people well enough to be able to tell the reality from the bullshit. And I knew you'd need an assistant who could match you in every way possible, at the office… and I knew I could be that."

"That and more Cynthia… I don't know if I've ever told you but I do appreciate everything you've done for me over the years. I can't begin to thank you for taking a leap and coming to New York for me, and I don't know how I would have gotten through these years here without you."

"Wow… who are you and what have you done with Brian Kinney… you know asshole extraordinaire?"

*smirk* "I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with… stop laughing… fine, I'm not easy to deal with at all, usually… better? I've done a lot of thinking recently and come to a couple decisions."

"This thinking wouldn't happen to do with a very excitable, talented, hot blond artist that we both know, would it?"

"It might."

She smiles at him just waiting to continue.

"It's been so goddamned hard to keep this thing professional between us. I swear I can feel it every time he's near, I can smell him anytime he's been in the same office. I purposely avoid the art department knowing he's probably there and looking all sexy and beautiful while he's in the midst of working and creating."

"Well I know the art department has been much happier without your tirades. And I know they have learned invaluable lessons from Justin being there. He's taught them things that you can't learn in school and given them the tools and knowledge to get even better, although I think they would be quite happy if you made him the permanent art director."

"You're kidding… they like him being there that much?"

She smirks knowingly at him.

"And you don't? You question that after anyone spends anytime around him while he's at his brightest, showing his talent and helping others… can you honestly question why they want him around?"

*sigh* "I guess not… I will admit that it's been interesting… oh who am I kidding, I've almost offered it to him a few times. Have you seen the ads they're producing? It's like we hired a completely new staff of artists. The ads have been phenomenal, and ever since John readily accepted all of our changes, we haven't had one client question or change anything."

"He's certainly talented and extremely gifted. And speaking of gifted… I hope you're going to not be your usual charming self *glare* and be just plain ole Brian that doesn't actually care about anything, won't have an audience wondering and questioning what you're doing, and will be able to be more or less normal and nice."

"I hate that fucking word… nice… what is that supposed to mean? I can be nice, when I want to…Okay, _mother_… I'll be _nice_."

"Remember to play nice with the other kids and don't run with scissors."

"I can play nice… that I can do very well."

"You're incorrigible. Just remember we've talked about this… you know what he wants, he's told you, I've told you… now it's up to you, don't blow it… oh wipe that smirk off your face, that's not what I meant."

"Yes dear."

"We're here… behave."

"You're no fun."

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Cause you love me. *chuckle* Cause you're my business partner and friend and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Ah, you ole sentimental softie, you."

"What is it with all these old comments, and watch what you say about being soft… I might get offended."

*shakes head* "Come on partner, friend, let's go get your man."

*groan* "Just… let me do this my way, please?"

"Ooooh, I get a please, this must be…"

"Cynthia."

"Okay, okay, spoil sport… do this your way, and I hope, for both of your sakes, cause I'm really tired of you both coming into my office at different times of the day to complain. I demand that you forget about me and take a cab back to one of your places before I have to kick both your asses out of my office."

* * *

><p><em>Same time – in the Sloan Art Gallery<em>

"Justin."

"Aaah!... Sorry Daph… god it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too, but I wouldn't expect you to be nervous or jumpy on closing night."

"Well usually I wouldn't be, but you know last night and all and there's someone I'm kind of hoping shows up, but I'm not sure if he will… I don't know if he cares enough to show up, but I'm hoping, but I don't see why he would, I mean he's shown no interest, I think, but I could be…"

"Justin! Calm down… breathe… slow down. You're making no sense by the way. Who are you talking about?"

"Oh my god Daph, I haven't told you about my latest job."

"Well you told me briefly you were doing all the art work for a local advertising agency, along with decoration, which I totally don't get, but hey, whatever pays the bills, although with some of these price tags, I wouldn't think you would need a job."

"Very funny… I like working, especially when my work is painting most of the art work, and what I'm not painting I get to create anyway with the help of the art department in the advertising agency… now get ready for this, you're not gonna believe it, but it's owned by … Brian Kinney."

Daphne thinks for a few seconds, trying to remember that name, then… "Brian Kinney! The face of god? He's who you're working for?"

"Yes, I couldn't believe it when his partner… business partner… wanted to hire me for all the art work. It took a little convincing, but I'm so glad she did. I have no idea what he's thinking and it will take me far too long to tell you the whole tale , but I hope there might be something, but I have no idea. For as good as I am reading him, I think he's been purposefully aloof lately so I'll have no idea what he's thinking."

"Well I'd ask for all the details, but you seem to be expecting him… did you invite him?"

"Well, no, yes, kind of… I didn't want to invite him personally incase it seemed desperate, but I wanted him to come and his business partner and I have kind of conspired tonight to get him to come, but knowing him he'll back out at the last minute and won't show up and I'll go…"

He stops talking cause Daphne suddenly looks shocked. He's almost afraid to look behind her, but he's pretty sure he knows what's coming, or should he say who.

He turns to see who he's sure he knows, some part of him knew the moment he walked in, could feel it somewhere, but didn't want to believe it. The moment he sees him, his breath catches and his heart speeds up. Seeing Brian in Armani suits every day is a breath-taking site, true, but right now… perfectly tailored black Armani jeans, long sleeve button-down black Armani shirt, clearly tailored for his tall lean body, cuffs buttoned, but top couple buttons undone, smooth shiny black leather Gucci boots and belt. He's absolutely fucking stunning and suddenly feels underdressed and his artwork pales in comparison to the masterpiece of a man in front of him that no canvas could ever properly capture.

* * *

><p>The moment Brian walked in he spotted Justin immediately. There's no way he could miss that ass anywhere. Beautifully tailored white Prada slacks with that soft cashmere sweater he wore the first time he came into his office. Could that ass look any more perfectly round and perky? Suddenly he gets an image of the last time he'd seen it that well and realized it was also in white… until he'd practically ripped the underwear off and fucked him. Great now he was hard, painfully hard, more so than the partially hard that was the reaction anytime he was near Justin.<p>

Part of him wants to turn and run and never look back, but the other part, oddly the larger part of him (no, not that part, well, yes that part, but that's not the part he means right now), wants to stay and figure out what the fuck they're doing and how they'll do it. He's never been one for relationships or anything, but as Justin already had the balls to point out, Brian has many relationships, he just didn't want to call them that.

As he walks up to the most beautiful man he's ever seen he notices he's talking to someone. A black girl with light smooth skin, very curly black hair, and looks similar in size to Justin… and looks really familiar.

He's half way there when the girl clearly gasps and Justin freezes and slowly turns to meet him. His slightly longer hair, bright endless pools of blue eyes staring back at him with so much fucking lust that Brian is trying really fucking hard (damnit, not a word he needs to think right now) to fight the urge to grab him and fuck him right here in the middle of the goddamn gallery. He's not sure what look his own face and eyes have, but apparently Justin likes it because he relaxes a little and smiles his brilliant sunshine smile. God… that fucking smile… Brian is pretty sure he's lost, he doesn't know to what, but he's pretty sure he could give a flying fuck as to why or who near him cares.

Then he remembers her, and where he knows her from.

"Well hello Daphne… long time no see."

And he kisses her cheek… he loves to get a reaction out of people. And he knew he'd get a reaction out of her.

"You… you too Brian."

"Justin, always a pleasure to run into you."

And he give Justin a kiss on the cheek as well, but lingering a second longer, not only to relish the feel, the smell, the taste, but to let Justin know there's something more to his visit here than seeing the art. He'd much rather see the artist… but that will come later, and later than that, and later than that. He pulls away from Justin's cheek smiling, hoping (wow, what a strange feeling to have)… yes, hoping that his eyes reflect the same longing that is in Justin's eyes.

Justin has to take a deep breath and try and steady his heart beat before speaking… my god, this is not the Brian that he's been around since… well, ever, actually.

"Mr…. Brian, good … to see … you too."

Smooth Justin, very smooth… way to earn big points, well big something, but … damnit… how much longer did he have to be here?

"Daphne you're looking charming as ever… what have you been up to lately?"

"Ummm… I'm going to medical school right now, NYU, this is my last year."

"Wow, congratulations, what do you plan on doing with your career Doctor?"

"Hmm… doctor… still haven't gotten used to that, but I like the way it sounds, Doctor Chanders."

"Definitely has a ring to it… do you have a specialty?"

"I think I do, I'm thinking pediatrics, or possibly psychiatry… I know those are two very different fields, but I'm not sure which one I like more, both have the potential to provide so much for others in need."

"Well even though most towns are overrun with doctors, everywhere is lacking in really good doctors… and I'm sure you'd make an outstanding one. Although I believe there is unfortunately a call for psychiatric professionals for pediatrics, perhaps you could combine the two, with either private practice, or hospitals."

"Wow, how insightful, and complimentary. I do think I'd be a good doctor, and oddly enough I had just started to think about the two fields together… I think it's possible… but I'm sure you didn't come here to discuss my medical education."

"As charming as it is to talk with you darling, I did show up for a different reason… I don't suppose I could borrow your date here, could I?"

"Go right ahead Brian… I think he'd punch me if I didn't give him permission to go play with his friends."

"Daphne!"

"What? You know I never liked beating around the bush… I'll take a cab back to the hotel and we can catch up later… I am in town for the week."

"Why would you pay for a hotel? I thought you'd stay at my place."

She raises an eyebrow at him and glances at Brian.

"If you've already made plans to stay at Justin's, no need to be talked out of it on my account… I believe I can provide reasonable accommodations should the need arise."

"Oh, of that I have no doubt… well, I'm off to view some art and go get some rest, finally… have fun you two."

And Daphne walks off laughing, leaving behind a highly amused Brian and very embarrassed Justin. Who has no chance of cooling down and blushing less when Brian leans over, puts his hand on the small of his back, and whispers into his ear.

"You know I've always found your ease at which you blush to be very… pleasing."

Justin swallows a groan at the closeness, the contact, the smell, the feel, the knowledge that Brian is here, for him… with him… all indications of going home… with Brian… Justin's had about as much teasing as can handle. He grabs Brian's other hand and drags him to the restroom… unknowing of Brian willingly following, grinning and admiring the wonderful view of Justin's ass in front of him.

Justin pushes open the door to the bathroom, drags Brian into the largest stall, locks the door and attacks his lips before either of them can think. They both groan at the contact, the heat, the intensity. Brian wedges his leg between Justin's thighs causing Justin to break their kiss momentarily and gasp. Brian reaches around and grabs Justin's ass grinding hard against him. Both of the them moaning into each other's mouths as they continue to kiss with an urgency and need few have ever felt. And just when Justin thinks about dropping to his knees to finally taste Brian's beautiful cock again cause it's been so fucking long Brian surprises the hell out of Justin by dropping to his knees and has Justin's pants unzipped and cock in Brian's mouth before Justin can think to stop him. Brian deep throats Justin in one swallow.

"Brian!... Fuck! I… oh… god! Fuck… fuck…"

And he's coming… longer and harder than he thinks he ever has… Brian moans at the taste… the only cock he's ever craved… yes, craved, the only come he'll ever get down on his knees for.

And as Brian slowly rises to kiss Justin again, he slowly tucks him back in, and shares some of Justin's come with him. Both groaning again at their combined flavor. Justin pulls back a little to look at Brian, and he can't quite process the intense look in Brian's eyes, or the fact that Brian fucking Kinney just sucked off someone else, much less him, before he even got off. Well, turn about's fair play. So Justin pushes Brian against the opposite wall, drops to his knees, unzips Brian and finally sucks the most perfect cock in the world.

"Justin! Jesus… fuck… you give… the best… fucking… head…Uuuhhh!"

Justin can't get over how good Brian still tastes, and what Brian just said… fuck he's getting hard again just with those words, and with smelling Brian while swallowing his cock whole. He braces himself by grabbing Brian's thighs, then gets an idea. He looks up to Brian and stops moving. Brian wonders why Justin stops, but his mouth is still on his cock… he looks down and sees Justin looking up at him, on his knees, flushed with pleasure and heat, cock in his perfect plump rosy lips and Brian just about loses it there… but sees something in Justin's eyes… no, surely he… he is… fuck… Brian needs this, so fucking much. Justin sees the recognition, closes his eyes and braces himself for he knows Brian is going to fuck his mouth, and fuck it good.

Brian grabs Justin's head and starts rocking his hips, feeling Justin suck Brian in more… holding still, letting Brian fuck his mouth… and what a fucking mouth to fuck.

"Fuck… Justin…"

Brian's never been that vocal during any fucking session, but with Justin… he can't help but fuck the shit out of Justin's mouth, pounding his mouth, like he would his ass. Like he has pounded his ass before. Hips driving in and out, all while Justin is sucking in time with each thrust in. Justin moans at the taste, the feel, the heat, the speed, the friction. He's massaging Brian's thighs while holding on for dear life, loving every fucking minute.

Brian's getting close, he can feel it, god, no one, absolutely fucking no one sucks like Justin can… and only the best cocksuckers know how to let you fuck their mouth… and only Justin ever gets off giving head… giving Brian head. Brian remembers nights from long ago that Justin would come just from sucking Brian off cause the kid (no man now) loved Brian's dick in his mouth so much. Brian couldn't agree more cause it was wonderful fucking mouth.

"Justin… close… gonna… fuuuuuck!"

And Brian's coming, hard, fast, grunting with every squirt, hips spasming in time with his throbbing cock. He practically comes again when Justin moans around his cock, loving the flavor and feeling. Brian slowly pulls himself out of Justin's perfect mouth, and slumps against the wall. Justin slowly rises and tucks Brian back in, and leans against Brian, sharing his seed back just as Brian had done. They both kiss slowly, languorously, sweetly, for a minute longer. Justin moves from Brian's mouth and starts kissing his cheek, his neck, licking his collar bone and up to his ear.

"Sunshine… as much as I'd like to continue… *gasp* this… I think we'd be more comfortable *moan* somewhere else."

Justin pulls back to look at Brian, smiling a soft, sated, sweet smile, searching Brian's eyes.

"Don't you?"

Brian pushes Justin off him, stunning Justin, trying not to show the pain and confusion. Mainly confusion as Brian practically positions Justin to be standing directly under the light above the stall. Brian stands right in front of him and dons his trademark "come hither, you're about to be fucked" look …

"Where you headed?"

Justin can't help grinning, but tries not to grin too hard, even though his heart and soul are about to burst with joy.

"No place special."

"I can change that."

And with that Brian grabs Justin's hand, entwining their fingers, kisses Justin gently on the lips and proceeds to walk hand in hand to the curb to get a taxi to go back to his place. Justin grinning like a fool, tightens his grip a little harder, flushing with pride and joy when Brian squeezes back, uncaring and unconcerned from all the onlookers in the gallery. And unaware of three very happy supporting women watching two beautiful men finally get together. Cynthia already plans on leaving a text for Brian and Justin to take the day off tomorrow. Daphne knew what would happen the moment she walked away. And Cerise, Justin's eccentric, but loving agent, knew it was only a matter of time and figured she'd contact Cynthia if she needed anything from Justin for the next couple of days.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Don't know when my next update will be... celebrating July 4th here tomorrow: barbeque, family, games, fireworks... it's a day long thing. But I'll keep working on it, I'm really looking forward to writing the next chapter. Fluff and lemons aplenty. :)


	12. Just like the first time

"_Don't know how I lived without you, 'Cause every time that I get around you, I see the best of me inside your eyes, You make me smile" – Uncle Kracker, __Smile_

* * *

><p><strong>Just like the first time<strong>

The cab ride to Brian's loft was interesting to say the least. The cabbie didn't seem to care what they did, but there's no reason to chance getting thrown out. So they kept themselves as tame and calm as they could, but that didn't stop their lips and tongues from exploring each others mouths and necks and ears. Nor did it keep their hands from roaming over each other's necks, backs, chests, legs or of course that one part of the anatomy that as hard and aching as they were again, their cocks would have to wait for more privacy.

When they got inside, more like ran inside the building, they silently agreed to choose the stairs. No way would they make it through an elevator ride to the 5th floor. One could just imagine what state they would be in once they got that far up, or the look on other residences faces should they be at a point were stopping would be impossible. Not to mention that running up stairs would sue some energy so they could take their time once inside.

When Brian finally opened the door, which was really hard with Justin right at his back grinding into his ass and nipping at his neck. He was gonna say something sarcastically witty about being a top and what did Justin think he was doing, but his brain had seized to function and he could only fumble with his keys and swallow the moan that was threatening to escape. Brian was a top, at all times, but for Justin… there was that one time and he remembered the burn, the stretch, the heat, the pounding, Justin's perfect cock (not too small, not to large, perfect width) and absolute top mentality. Fuck, he needed to get inside to the bed where he could fuck Justin into the mattress.

Finally inside, he starts kicking off his shoes, hearing Justin do the same. He starts unbuttoning his shirt and unbuckling his belt… but stops when he realizes that Justin isn't behind him. Brian turns to see Justin still by the door, but starring at the apartment like he's seen a ghost, almost.

"Justin?"

"Huh?... oh, sorry, but… *deep breath* only you could find an apartment in New York that looked just like your loft in the Pitts."

"I was wondering what you were starring at. This place is certainly better than the place I had first, or second, but after my agency was making good business I decided it was time for something different. I was amazed that I found a place that looked like the loft, too. A few differences, but close enough. I've gotten so used to it, I forgot it would look the same to someone else."

"It's not just that… it's the first time I've been in your loft, well, you know, and this looks like your old one to me. It makes me think of the first time I was there… and the last time. I know I've changed, but for a minute I felt like that scared little 17 year old virgin. It was weird, to say the least."

"I can imagine… but however scared you were, you were never afraid of going after what you wanted."

*sigh* "And I wanted you."

"Wanted?" he asks knowingly with a slight upturned mouth and amusement sparkling in his eyes.

*chuckle* "Fine, want… I always want you Brian."

Brian draws a deep breath, approaches Justin slowly, and caresses his cheek. Justin sighs and tries to steady his breathing.

"I think we're both overdressed, don't you? I think it's getting hot in here and I'd hate for you to get overheated."

*grin* "Too late about getting overheated, that happens anytime you're near me."

"Mmmm… I may have to agree with you."

With that Brian takes Justin's hand and leads him to the bedroom. He slowly starts removing his clothing, tenderly caressing each bit of exposed skin, licking Justin's nipples, biting just a little, completely turned on by not only the beautiful man in front of him, but because of the delicious sounds Justin keeps making. He then removes his pants and briefs, practically worshipping Justin's legs with is tongue as he stands up in front of him.

"Brian" … said with a half whisper, half moan and Brian doesn't think he's ever heard his name sound more erotic.

"Lay down Justin… on your back."

Justin nods quickly, barely able to focus and move, but does exactly what he's asked. Knowing what comes next, but not knowing, yet dying to find out.

Brian slowly undresses, always knowing the reaction he has on, well, everyone, but especially Justin. That was one of things that attracted Brian to him and made him keep going back for more. It wasn't just his innocent beauty or bright soulful eyes, but it was his responses. He was so open to every sexual act and kink that Brian threw at him. Part of him always hoped that Justin would see him as the perverted deviant he thought he was and leave, but the other part, the part that wanted Justin to stay, to accept him no matter what, to learn and appreciate all the subtle and not so subtle nuances of gay sex he was thrilled that Justin took everything. He also seemed equally as turned on by it as Brian. Who'd have thought that a 30 year old Brian Kinney would have found his sexual equal in a 17 year old twink virgin?

Brian slowly crawls up Justin's body, enjoying every little whimper and moan and gasp to escape Justin's lips. Not that he is unaffected, but he always lov… yes, he always loved how responsive Justin was, is, to all of his ministrations.

Brian slides his legs between Justin's, spreading them apart, enough to fit him, and so he can rub their straining erections against each other, which they both moan at. Justin's legs, like they always did, automatically wrap around Brian in an effort to get closer, rub harder, feel every inch of wonderful smooth skin. Brian brings his hands up under Justin to cradle his head in his hands. He massages Justin's head while he uses his thumbs to stroke Justin's cheek and neck, while licking and kissing his neck and ears, especially that one part right behind Justin's ear that always drove him crazy. Justin's grinding as hard as he can, squeezing his legs around Brian desperate for release. He doesn't want to come like this, but doesn't know how to stop. Brian feels so fucking good against him, like his own personal Brain blanket or shield, completely shutting out of the rest of the world, focusing solely on the heat, the smell, the feel.

Brian moves his mouth up to kiss Justin again, because he can't not kiss him. He has to kiss those perfect lips, they're red, damp, slightly swollen from all their previous kissing, and always so fucking soft. He licks Justin's bottom lip, always a little fuller than the top lip. Justin moans into Brian's mouth, using one hand to bring Brian's mouth hard against his and kiss him like his life depending on it. Both groaning and rutting, fully naked, but not even grinding against each other like eager, inexperienced teenagers. Brian uses what little brain power he has to reach over to get the lube and a condom, all while still kissing Justin, so Justin has no idea what Brian's doing.

Brian lifts off Justin just enough to reach between them. Justin looks confused, wanton, but confused, fucking sexy and horny and hard and like (oh god this is gonna sound corny, but) like a debauched angel waiting to be taken by a horny demon (oh, no that's ironic humor for you). Brian penetrates the most perfect ass on the planet and finger fucks Justin with two fingers, grazing his prostrate while scissoring to open him.

"OH! God! Br…Brian…fuck… fuck…"

Justin's head falls against the cushions, eyes squeezed shut, concentrating on Brian being inside him, even if it's just fingers, incoherent and beyond all reason. Brian still can't get over how tight Justin is… almost virgin tight, without all the pain, so soft, so hot, so tight. Fuck he's missed this, missed Justin… how the fuck has he gone so long with taking this, taking him.

"Brian… fuck me… please… fuck me… I can't… last…"

And then he hears it, that tell tale sign of a condom wrapper, and he looks just in time to see Brian spit out the ripped off piece. Brian raises one eyebrow, smirks, and pulls his fingers out of Justin's sweet hot tight ass. Justin grunts at the sense of loss, but knows he's gonna get something even better.

"Put it on me."

Justin's heart flutters at the oh so familiar words, but reaches for the condom anyway and slips it on his dick, and god what a perfect fucking dick it is, 9 inches, cut, soft, smooth, perfectly shaped, perfectly colored, if it weren't for the fact that it gave Justin the most intense, wonderful, pleasurable orgasms he's ever had, he'd consider it a work of art to be admired. Although he's more than fucking thrilled that his ass will be doing the admiring at the moment. And he fucking loves the affect he has on Brian as well as Brian groans when Justin slips on the condom, slowly, pumping his cock a little while sliding it on.

Brian positions his cock at Justin's opening and while looking him the eye, showing him all the emotion and feeling that he can't put into words, he slides in.

"Brian!"

"Justin!"

"So fucking tight… Jesus Sunshine…"

And Brian starts slowly moving in and out, a little deeper each time he slides in, while Justin groans and moans at every movement. God, no one, absolutely fucking no one can do this to him. No one can fuck him like Brian. Justin doesn't know if that has to do with how much he loves this man, but he's pretty sure that has a lot to do with it. Brian's pulling almost all the way out and slowly pushing back in, taking his time, feeling every slide, every moment, extending the inevitable as long as possible. As much as he wants to pound into Justin as hard as humanly possible, he wants Justin to know this means something, means a whole lot more than just a heat of the moment fuck. So continuing the theme they seem to be on this evening, he lifts his head from kissing and tongue fucking Justin's mouth, to look him right in the eyes.

"I want you… to always remember this… so that no matter who… you're ever with… I'll always… be there."

He thinks that maybe that could have been reworded, but he didn't want to… and the look on Justin's face is so fucking worth it. If someone had told Brian that emotions and love could make sex this much fucking better he would have thought you were fucking delusional. But seeing the love and lust, passion and desire, happiness and beauty radiating from Justin's smile (what smile he can have while be fucked into the mattress) and shimmering eyes, with unshed tears of joy… he knows now how much a connection during sex makes it that much fucking better.

Brian's not sure if Justin is aware of it, but as he starts pounding faster, because he just has to, stroking Justin's prostate with each thrust, slamming him as hard as he can… Justin starts chanting Brian's name like he's praising a god of some kind for giving him such a wonderful gift. Well Brian knows exactly how he feels, cause he almost feels like chanting Justin's name as well. It's as rough, and sweet, and passionate, and hard, and fast and tender as that first night. Kissing, licking, tongues battling, hips thrusting into each other, Justin's cock trapped between them, making for a perfect friction to get him off as well… of course the stroking his prostate is getting would be enough, too. Both gasping, panting, moaning, groaning, thrusting harder to come, but wanting this to last forever.

Justin comes first screaming Brian's name, his ass throbbing and contracting with the force of his orgasm. Milking Brian's come out of him a second later, while he screams Justin's name, as well, hips pounding through the power of his orgasm. Lips and brain aching to say what he said that first time, because he knows what he said, and at the time it scared the fucking shit out of him… now though… maybe he's ready to admit the truth, at least to himself, and he doesn't want to do it this time and have Justin think he doesn't mean it now, since Justin probably thought he couldn't have meant it then.

Brian slumps onto Justin, unable to move, but not wanting to crush Justin. He tries to move to get up, but Justin places his hands on his back and holds him close… got what an amazing feeling to be held like this.

"Stay… I'm fine."

It's barely a whisper, but Brian can hear it… little fucker, he always did know him better than he knew himself… huh? Maybe Justin did… does Brian have the courage to say what needs to be said, to say those three little words that he's always believed mean jack shit and are only an excuse to get laid? Can he be honest with the one and only person in his life that makes him… makes him… shit, happy… seeing him regularly, even though Justin didn't know he was watching, seeing his talent and ability and body, hearing his voice, having him around all the time… he knew he couldn't go back to the way they were before. He wanted Justin… and if Justin had the courage to come out and say everything he had said, then at least Brian should be able to be the man Justin's needs and man up to his feelings for Justin.

He already felt Justin's arms loosen around him, so Brian gets up to remove the condom and get a towel to wipe off all the come. When he returns he notices Justin hasn't moved and is breathing evenly enough to let Brian knows he's asleep. Justin was the only person he knew who could fall asleep that fast, with the exception of Gus, and he was a baby, so that's no excuse. But looking at the beautiful blond man in bed, softened glistening cock, fine, thin, blondish hair all over his body, including that wonderfully musky tuft of pubes… his creamy alabaster skin glowing in the lighting behind his bed… he really does look like a debauched, beautiful heavenly angel put here just to tempt and tease Brian. To make him give in to everything Brian has always fought against… and after remembering Justin's words and actions… suddenly he's not frightened, scared or worried… he's… ready. Ready for Justin and wherever they go, whatever they become together… because together with Justin is the only place he wants to be, and he's really ready.

Brian turns off all the extra lights, makes sure the loft is locked and alarm on, closes the curtains, and gets in bed next to Justin, and covers them both up. It surprises him a little, but not much when Justin seems to gravitate towards him, so Brian wraps an arm around him while Justin lays his head on his arm and brings his leg up onto Brian's. What really shocks Brian is how fucking right this feels and how much he's looking forward to continuing in the morning, and telling Justin exactly how he feels.

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><p><strong>AN**: Hope you enjoyed these fireworks! Glad I finished before I go watch some different fireworks. Will be working on more during the week, but now that this is out of the way (happily so) I will concentrate on the story... but this is Justin and Brian, so more smut eventually, and of course sweetness, romance and maybe some angst, cause shit happens. Later, Laura :) Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers and silents readers. xoxo


	13. Where do we go from here?

**A/N**: I apologize to all my loyal readers and followers for this taking so long. Life gets in the way sometimes, and I got caught up betaing and lost my train of thought for this story. I've re-read it a few times and it wasn't until today that I was inspired to write the next chapter. I'm currently writing chapter 14, hopefully it will be up later tonight. School starts next week for me, so I ask you to continue to be your wonderful patient selves in the even that I have no time to write. My goal is to get a few chapters done this weekend, since my mind seems inspired. My muse is back and busy.

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><p>"<em>At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities." - Jean Houston<em>

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><p><strong>Where do we go from here?<strong>

Brain wakes to the weirdest sound… but oddly familiar… why did that sound familiar? Last thing he remembered was he… oh yes. Justin. At that he tries really hard to stay in the position he's in and to not smile or say something. He knows that sound now. Not only has he heard the sound of pencil and paper from his own artists sketching ideas in meetings, but right now, with the only sound being very fast moving pencil with the occasional brushing of fingers across parts of the paper. He's heard that sound more times than he can count.

Justin had this weird habit of drawing him whenever he slept… he even caught him sketching him at times when he was working on his computer, or exercising, or even eating. Never in the shower though, no matter what they were doing, the moment the shower was mentioned Justin was right there with him. Huh, it didn't really occur to him at the time, but Justin was the only trick to use his shower. No one before Justin used it, and a part of him at the time knew that Justin wasn't a trick then. How else would you explain taking him to see the birth of his son… before fucking him… and then giving him a ride to school the next day?

But that's what happened… and everything else that's happened in the meantime. He's back with Justin, well, technically, last night and today anyway, not back with Justin in any official way, yet. And while that's still a scary thought, boys and girls, he's actually ready for it. After all this time, not only was the sex still as amazing as the first time (if not more so – and what a fucking rush that was), but the thought of being able to wake up to this… for many mornings… every morning… maybe this is what he'd always been missing.

So he lays there hoping he still looks sound asleep so can listen to Justin draw him. Justin was always exceedingly talented, and even though Brian always gave him a hard time and made fun of him being lesbianic and sentimental, he was always flattered. He bought that sketch of him years ago for several reasons. The most obvious being that Justin drew it, and buying it anonymously no one would know that Brian cared about Justin. Oh, what a fool he was, he knew deep down that everyone knew exactly how he felt, but always thought he was too chicken shit to do anything about it. And maybe he was, but that was only one reason for buying that sketch.

It was a simple sketch, reminiscent of a beginning artist with no training, but Brian looked so open, free, peaceful and sweet in that sketch. He never felt that way and he never saw himself as beautiful. Oh, he knew he was hot and a walking sex machine, but beautiful and peaceful and sensual is different. He loved (yes, he can admit that now) how Justin saw him then, that's part of what scared him so much, Justin saw him for who he was, not what other people thought he was.

And Justin was still there, still here. The only time he ever went anywhere was when Brian pushed him away… but he still came back. Even after all these years apart, and everything they've been through, Justin has still come back to him. Has told Brian several times that he's the only one he'll ever love. He figured Justin has had other lovers, based on some of the art work… you don't put that much effort into your art unless you feel something and want to honor the person in your art.

"I know you're awake Brian… just don't move too much… I'm not done yet."

Brian can't help the little smirk tugging at his lips… Justin always did know how to read him.

"Well hurry up, I gotta take a piss."

"Such a sweet talker…. Just one more second…. Okay, done."

Brian groans like waiting was the most torturous thing in the world to do, but is secretly very pleased to have Justin here. Wow, such a weird feeling, but not all that unwelcome. And he can't help but be glad he's heading to the bathroom and away from Justin so Justin won't see him smile as he hears Justin giggling, knowing they both knew exactly how torturous it had been. Not! And oh what wonderful music that was to his ears.

He takes care of business, brushes his teeth and …when he comes back he doesn't see Justin in bed, and isn't sure how to react. Sensing, somehow, that Justin is still here, he checks his messages and sees the message from Cynthia. He has to hide a chuckle at that. Hmmm… since today is Friday, oh Cyn you clever girl, you knew, didn't you?

He wonders where Justin is, until he smells coffee and realizes that Justin must be in the kitchen. So he heads toward there and stops … to admire the view… the whole view. It takes him back to his previous loft in the Pitts, where he first took Justin. One of the many mornings, after they'd been fucking for a few months, when Justin felt more comfortable walking around in the nude and would start coffee or breakfast (when there was food… usually provided by Justin).

At the time Brian would usually get all pissy at Justin doing something housewifey, to which Justin would either get mad or smile big and say something about being considered Brian's wife. Maybe he should have picked his words more carefully, but then again… maybe it's just taken his brain and body this long to catch up with what his heart apparently has known all along. But watching Justin now, in his kitchen, moving around, looking for food (he always did seem to have an insatiable appetite… in more ways than one)… Brian thinks he looks pretty damn good there and could really get used to seeing him there every morning.

Of course at the same time he's also thinking he should go over there and fuck Justin over the kitchen counter… also something he could get used to doing every morning. And when, he wonders, did his thinking change to think about everything Justin has been doing this morning and how he wants it every morning. He knows when, though… it was that first morning, after the hospital, after checking messages then, to seeing that perfectly plump perky ass in his shower and burying deep the thought that that was a sight he wouldn't ever tire of seeing.

Justin wasn't sure where this was going or what Brian would say next, so he purposely got out of bed when Brian went to the bathroom. He heard Brian brush his teeth and wash his hands, then check messages. He had already done that and was quite happy to receive Cynthia's message… that would mean his whole weekend was free… but would that weekend include Brian? He certainly hoped so, but he wouldn't push Brian into something he might not be ready for yet.

He figured he wouldn't be kicked out, after all, last night was so different than any other time they had ever made love… and that's exactly what it was… and he's pretty sure he saw that look in Brian's eyes, too. He also knew he fell asleep before Brian came back to bed, he wasn't sure what Brian thought about that, but he did know he woke in Brian's arms… god what an amazing feeling that was. It was the first night in years he slept that well and felt that safe.

He was desperately hoping that Brian would want to spend the weekend with him, so he went to the kitchen, he purposely didn't put anything on. Not only did he know that Brian would be turned on by that site, but he hoped he would remember back to a time when Justin always did this. He knew that Brian hated it, even though there must have been something in Brian's mind or heart that he was fighting based on Brian giving him a hard time about being a housewife. Knowing Brian like he did, that comment had to come from somewhere. However, no matter what Brian thought or how Justin reacted or acted, there was only one reason Justin did it then, and only one reason he did it now. He loved Brian more than anyone else in the whole world, Brian was his heart, his soul, his love, and he was taking care of the man he loved.

He heard Brian coming back from the bedroom, but didn't indicate anything until he had a chance to gather his thoughts about what to say next. He wanted to be serious and profess his undying love and be accepted with open arms… as corny as that may sound (and he didn't care, this is his mind and he can be corny, especially when romance and Brian are concerned). He also wasn't sure if Brian was ready for anything even close to that serious, so he was trying to think light-hearted and playful, so he could turn and say something witty and clever. But nothing was coming to mind, yet.

Fortunately that decision was taken out of his hands when he felt two strong arms encircle his waist and the very naked, soft, but hard (oh god, very hard) body of Brian came up from behind him. He couldn't help but gasp then groan at the feeling. God, this man could always affect him like this. His hands immediately put down the bread he was holding and ran his hands along Brian's arms, finding his fingers. And what pure unadulterated joy Justin felt as Brian opened his fingers to grasp and accept his fingers.

"Watcha doin' Sunshine?" he practically breathed into Justin's ear.

Justin had to steady his breathing before trying to form a coherent answer.

"I was hungry."

"So am I." Brian practically growled his last statement, barely able to control himself. He'd been hard since the moment he saw Justin's ass, and now he was painfully hard, pressing against Justin's ass… skin to skin… fuck, he had to get to the bedroom, get condoms, before… he…

"Justin," moaning into his ears, while licking his neck and freeing his hands to hold Justin's hips tighter to his and run his other hand over Justin's quickly hardening cock. He knows he sounds desperate, but right now, he doesn't care how he sounds, the feeling of Justin's ass on his bare cock… he can't help but grinding into that perfect ass. And Justin's not helping by gasping and fucking into Brian's hand, while grinding his ass back against Brian's cock. Justin's head resting on Brian's shoulder, barely able to stand with so much erotic energy flowing through them.

"Bri… god… I need…"

"You… always you… only you," he can't believe that came out, and came out so quickly and easily.

"Brian!... Fuck!" Justin shouts… coming all over Brian's hand and the counter and floor.

The sight of Justin losing it, that fast, such a beautiful sight, such an incredible smell… knowing he got Justin to come just from admitting that he needed Justin, and only Justin… he uses the hand still on Justin's hip and grinds one more time against Justin before coming all over his ass, down his legs and Justin's legs. Brian groans as he's hit with a post-orgasmic wave almost as powerful as the orgasm itself… all from getting off with Justin, again, just rutting against each other… but part of that… he almost didn't want to explore… the sight of his come, bare against Justin's skin… knowing how close he was to being with the only person he's ever felt this way about, and in a way he would never, ever consider taking anyone else.

"I think there's a shower with our name on it, Sunshine… what do you think?"

Justin can barely think, much less move or talk, so he nods a little, hoping Brian will do the work now. And as Brian pulls back and takes Justin's hand and walks him to the bathroom, Justin can't help but think about what Brian just said, what he knew, without a doubt, what they were both thinking of. Brian not only said that he wanted him, wants him, but always him, only him. Justin's head is spinning, so many thoughts and hopes and dreams, still a few fears…but the man of his dreams just admitted he wanted only him. Brian fucking Kinney wants only him.

He doesn't know how long that will last, and he knows they need to talk, if Brian is up for it. But what they just did, as well. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what they were both just thinking. The moment Brian's bare cock touched his ass… well, he'd thought about it in the years since the Pitts, but never, ever, not once, did he want that with anyone other than the man who seems to want to same thing. They both just came by rutting against each other, like a couple of horny teenagers with no control. And he's positive they were both thinking of the same thing, both came to the same thought… fucking bareback.

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><p><strong>Chapter End Note:<strong> Reviews make me happy, constructive criticism will be taken under advisement. :) Thank you to all those readers who have come back after a few months of nothing.


	14. A step in the right direction

"_Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go." – Unknown_

**A step in the right direction**

The lovers take a quiet shower, it wasn't the most conducive place for talking, but conversations could be had… in the language they both knew best. They wash each other's bodies and hair, slowly and methodically, like paying homage to a deity, in pure devotion of the perfect specimen before them. To Justin, what he's feeling isn't that new, he always felt that way when he washed Brian (or did anything with Brian), but Brian was completely shocked. He always liked washing Justin, but he had convinced himself it was because he got to fuck him at the same time.

Now though, as he reevaluates what he felt and what he feels now, he realizes that he really liked just washing Justin. Knowing you're giving someone else pleasure and comfort, in a non-sexual way… oh sure, their showers were always sexual, but this cleaning each other didn't need to be sexual and what an exhilarating feeling that was. He knows they're both hard, but if Justin is content to just washing him, then so be it. He wants Justin to take the lead. Not only does Brian need to know that Justin can handle this new and apparently improved Brian, but Brian needs to feel that Justin is ready to give in to what he wants and take what he needs.

Brian isn't sure exactly what that is, and maybe Justin doesn't know either, but Brian knows without a doubt that whatever he does need, the only person to ever give him that is standing right in front of him rinsing them both off.

God, Justin thinks, this man is so beautiful, and based on everything that's happened, he's his, or as close to his as Brian can belong to anyone. He's still thinking about their last orgasm… he knows he can't ask monogamy from Brian. He doesn't know what Brian's sex life is like, but even if they were to try monogamy… well they have to officially be a couple, or whatever they want to call it.

He thoroughly enjoys Brian washing him, in such a loving, tender, non-sexual way. Oh sure, if Brian were to shove him against the wall and fuck him, he sure wouldn't complain. But this… just washing and caressing, it's that of a lover taking care of their partner and Justin is loving every second of it. He doesn't want to say anything and ruin the moment, so when Brian stops, Justin decides to return the favor.

Brian looks so… amazing, sweet, peaceful, happy… he's never seen this Brian. He's in completely uncharted territory here. He's hoping for some sign from Brian as to what comes next, but it looks like Brian is just letting Justin do what he wants. Letting Justin take the lead, something he always wanted with Brian, but knew he would never get. This Brian may be confusing the hell out of him, but if he didn't know any better, and he's hoping he's right, this Brian is telling him to go for it because he can have it all.

So before he can second guess anything… he hasn't made it in New York, on his own for nothing… he does exactly what he wants. The moment he finishes rinsing Brian off, he sinks down on his knees and takes Brian all the way in, moaning at the taste. God, he will never get enough of this man. He hears Brian moan his name as his breathing becomes more erratic from Justin deep throating him over and over.

Brian leans against the wall behind him so his knees don't collapse under him. He knows he's moaning Justin's name, but he doesn't care anymore. He meant what he said about only wanting Justin. No one, not one single trick, can suck a cock like Justin. No matter how close they came, no one ever compared to Justin. Whether he was sucking, rimming, fucking, being fucked… Justin was the absolute best… why the fuck would he want anything less than the best in his bed… in his life… in his heart? The answer was easy – he didn't.

They were both still wet from the shower and it was getting a little cooler, although still warm. Justin knew he had to speed things up, not only did he absolutely want to talk (although part of him wanted to spend the next few days just being fucked by Brian), but he really was hungry. Using the water that was still all around him, and hoping Brian would experience so much pleasure he wouldn't care what Justin was about to do… he glanced up at Brian… eyes closed, head back, moaning and panting, one hand on Justin's head, fingers rubbing in time with being sucked, one hand on the wall for more support. Beautiful doesn't even begin describe how Brian looked in pure ecstasy.

Justin knew Brian wouldn't notice it when he stopped jerking himself off to massage Brian's balls, his other hand was holding Brian's thigh, more for the need to touch Brian than for support. He slowly, but not too slowly, moved his hand from Brian's balls to insert one finger into Brian's ass, and unerringly, as if his hand and mind knew exactly where it was, hit Brian's prostate on the first shot.

"Justin!"

Brian screamed as he shot massive amounts of come down Justin's throat. Hearing Brian's sounds of orgasm and pleasure, knowing he brought Brian off that quickly, being inside Brian. It was more than enough to spur his own orgasm, moaning around Brian's cock. Spasming through the force of his own orgasm while sucking Brian's come, savoring the taste.

Brian still breathing hard, trying to regain his composure and breath while jerking through such a powerful orgasm. Cheeky little fucker, Brian thinks. He groans, a sense of loss, which is a weird feeling, when Justin removes his finger and releases his cock. And Brian has to fight back a chuckle as Justin leans forward a little to lick what little come is left and kiss his cock. He's still smiling a little (he can't help it) when Justin looks up at him, a little shy smile on his lips, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but really enjoying the cookie too much to give a shit that he got it.

Brian takes a hold of Justin's shoulders carefully and pulls him in for a kiss, and to just hold him. Tasting himself on Justin is always such a fucking turn on. He remembers the first time he ever taught the kid that, and ever since Justin always saved a little to share back with him. He caresses Justin's lips and tongue with his own lips and tongue, enjoying the flavor, the smell, the feel, the velvety smooth feeling of Justin's body against his own. Justin's hands on his back and head, softening cocks trying to come back to life for more, but not quite ready yet.

Justin is the first to pull away, but only his head, his hands and body still firmly in place… and god does that feel good. He still looks like a debauched heavenly angel, but so at peace, so sated, so (dare he think it) in love, that he would gladly take this angel anywhere he wanted… and he means anywhere. Those soulful bright cerulean blue eyes (hey, he's in advertising, he knows colors), the still wet, but soft blond hair, like silk woven from the purest sunshine (Jesus, if his friends could hear his thoughts now), skin glowing from… everything.

"So beautiful."

Justin's eyes start tearing up a little, trying not to cry. He can't believe his ears, or his heart, or the love he sees reflected back from the most beautiful, expressive and uniquely hazel eyes Justin has ever seen. He's amazed at the depth of emotion he can feel from Brian, and suddenly all his hopes and dreams about having this man for him, and only for him, may not be that unrealistic.

"Brian…"

He wants to say something, but not sure what… well, no, he knows, what, but…

"Sunshine… how did I ever survive without you?"

Justin takes a deep breath and answers.

"You didn't."

Brian smiles first, a small little shy smile, before leaning forward and kissing Justin quickly, well, not too quickly, but definitely not lasting long.

"I believe you mentioned something about food, and if I remember correctly you're going to need a lot more than I have here… so why don't we get dressed and go have some breakfast."

"Why Mr . Kinney are you asking me on a date?"

Justin knows he's pushing his luck, but he has to see how Brian responds to this.

"Why yes, Mr. Taylor, I believe I am."

And while Justin tries to calm his fast beating heart at that little revelation and heartfelt, albeit playful, remark, Brian turns the shower off, holds the door open for Justin and grabs them both a towel.

They both dry off and get dressed. Brian in something clean, while Justin regretfully puts on what he was wearing the night before, a little miffed that he hadn't thought about being a little more careful. The sweater looked fine, but the pants were wrinkled. They didn't look all that bad, some material is supposed to look like that, but he wanted to look as good as Brian. Hmm… maybe that was impossible no matter how pressed his outfit was. Even in jeans and t-shirt Brian looked ridiculously amazing, and of course, knowing Brian t-shirts were out of the question unless sitting around the house. It honestly surprised him to see Brian in a t-shirt, course it was a long sleeve t-shirt, that was ribbed, with the sleeves pulled up and a v-neck so Brian still looked incredibly sexy.

"Shall we walk or drive?" Brian asks while walking up to Justin to admire the man in front of him, not able to hide the smirk when he noticed Justin admiring as well.

Justin couldn't help but smirk back. They were both clearly checking each other out, not that they hadn't last night, but both (unknowingly) thinking the same thing that how could they not check out the exquisite man in front of them.

"You have a car … in this city?"

"Of course I have a car, I've learned to travel the streets really well, and I'd rather pay exorbitant parking fees at some places than have to really on the taxi cab or subway system."

"I use both of those all the time, they may not be perfect, but I've never had a problem."

"How do you get your artwork anywhere if you don't own a car?"

"That's easy… I have to pack up everything in crates before sending it anywhere, so I may as well just pay a shipping company that specializes in transporting artwork to move it for me. Then I just take a cab or walk to the gallery when necessary, or the subway, but that's sometimes hard to do depending on the distance. I've never minded walking, and it seems the easiest way to get around."

"Hmmm… I guess that makes sense, I still couldn't image huffing it everywhere."

"That's only because you have expensive shoes that could get damaged and aren't beneficial for walking at all."

"That's beside the point," he says smiling. "So again, I ask, walking or driving?"

"Well I must say I don't usually travel by car, or when I do it's a taxi and I don't watch where we're going."

"If you don't watch where you're going, how do you know you're supposed to be there? And what do you do if you're not watching?"

"Well usually I'm sketching, anything, whether I'm working or just creating. And I know the city well enough to feel that I'm going in the right direction."

"That's just crazy… but, driving it is… are you planning on feeling where we're going?"

Justin chuckles at that, he knows Brian is just playing with him, and god, how good it feels to be joking with him. It's like they've been doing this all along and there hasn't been any time separating them at all. He wishes they had gotten together sooner, maybe if he had pursued him earlier, but then again… maybe they were supposed to wait.

"Hey… what's wrong? I thought for sure that the promise of food was gonna keep you in a good mood."

Brian has moved in front of Justin and is caressing his cheek with one hand and his other hand lightly on Justin's hip. Justin can't help but breathe a little sigh of relief and lean into that hand. He looks at Brian again, into those brilliant hazel eyes and can't help but smile. Not only does he see the playfulness there, but also true concern.

"I'm fine… just thinking too hard and about … don't worry, it doesn't matter, maybe I do just need some food."

"You always need food… there will be time for thinking later, and I know what should be hard, and it doesn't involve thinking at all, and will definitely be welcome later."

"Really?"

Brian smirks at him… patented Kinney smirk, complete with raised eyebrow and tongue-in-cheek.

"In case you hadn't figured it out, today's Friday… therefore we don't have to be in to the office till Monday… you're show is finished, and baring an emergency, you're mine for the weekend," he pauses to put his finger on Justin's lips knowing how he might respond to that, "and I think we both need food, and definitely coffee before addressing what comes after this weekend… and there will be more after this weekend, Justin."

Justin's breath hitches a little… he rarely uses his name… usually during sex or to get his attention. His breathing evens out and his eyes light up and his smile becomes his blinding sunshine smile knowing what Brian just said. Justin is here and after breakfast they will definitely be coming back, fucking again, making love again, and then actually deciding where they go from here.

And before either of them can say or do anything else, Justin's stomach rumbles loudly enough for both of them to hear it. They both chuckle at that.

"Come on, Sunshine, let's go feed the beast… we have some long, hard work ahead of us, and we have to make sure you're up for it."

"Oh, I'm up for it… as long as I can work under you."

"Always Justin… always."


	15. Author's Note: Not a chapter, sorry

Work and family are a constant, but I had the summer off from school so was enjoying updating my story as time allowed. School has started up again, and with 3 classes I doubt I'll have much time to continue my story at the moment.

But I had to say that I fully intend to continue this story. I'm not leaving it, I'm just taking a break for a while. Hopefully I'll get some time here and there to work on it, but if not it will be a few months until you see another chapter. I never know when the inspiration to write will kick in, but if it does, then I'll update. I really do like this story and I know there are plenty of readers out there who also like it. I'm hoping there won't be months without an update, but who knows.

The next update will be actual story... this is the only author's note I'll update with. It lures you into thinking the story is updated and then you read a stupid author's note thinking "damnit... wtf?" So believe me, I get it, but I'm asking for your patience and understanding. Trying to earn my first college degree here and that will take a lot of my time. On the other hand, two of my classes are the Psychology of Human Sexuality and English Composition, and my theory is that those classes will only improve my writing ability and maybe make the steamy scenes even better.

Last, but not least, a big thank you to all my followers, reviewers and silent readers! Hugs and kisses to all... and don't forget to sign up for story alerts if you want to be notified when I add another chapter.

Feel free to PM or review if you have any ideas for where you want this story to go. I never know where inspiration will come from, and while I know where the story is going, if you've got something in mind, let me know and I'll try and throw it in. :)

Cheers & Later, Laura :) xoxoxo


	16. Be Still My Heart

**A/N:** I know the title is cliche, but I couldn't help it. But I know what you're really thinking... OMG, it's updated... about freakin' time, right? Couldn't agree more. I'm between classes so had a little time off, and this chapter came to me and I had to get it down and share. It's a bit shorter than previous chapters, but this is what my muse had, and the end was his idea. Don't know when I'll have more, but I have started writing the next chapter. I'm also working on another non-QAF story, betaing and homework, but this story is by far from finished.

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><p><em>"To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness." – Robert Brault<em>

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><p><strong>Be Still My Heart<strong>

"...55 degrees… and now here's 40 minutes non-stop music to get your morning started."

Justin wonders where that sound is coming from, but figuring out it's the radio when he hears the opening notes to a song…. That was the alarm… why was the alarm on?

He looked over at the clock, his clock, his room. His bed seemed awfully crowded, and as the person next to him stirred and rolled toward him, he knew why. And he couldn't hold in the smile that broke out on his face, or the feeling that consumed his body as he felt Brian along his body. Brian felt so good there, skin against skin.

_I don't want another heartbreak__  
>I don't need another turn to cry<br>I don't want to learn the hard way  
>Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye<br>But you got me like a rocket  
>Shooting straight across the sky<em>

_It's the way you love me  
>It's a feeling like this<br>It's centrifugal motion  
>It's perpetual bliss <em>

_It's that pivotal moment__  
>It's impossible<br>This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)  
>This kiss, this kiss <em>

Oh my god, he thinks, what a perfect song to wake up to when staring at the perfect man next to him. His eyes zooming in on those perfect lips… this kiss, indeed.

_Cinderella said to Snow White__  
>How does love get so off course<br>All I wanted was a white knight  
>With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse<em>

_Ride me off into the sunset  
>Baby, I'm forever yours <em>

Definitely! Absolutely! He's never seen Brian sleep through an alarm, course Brian doesn't have an alarm radio, and it's not that loud. He could see Brian stirring, just on the edge of consciousness.

_It's the way you love me__  
>It's a feeling like this<br>It's centrifugal motion  
>It's perpetual bliss<em>

_It's that pivotal moment  
>It's unthinkable<br>This kiss, this kiss (Unsinkable)  
>This kiss, this kiss <em>

Well if this song doesn't inspire him on just how to wake Brian, he doesn't know what does.

_You can kiss me in the moonlight__  
>On the rooftop under the sky <em>(he'll have to suggest that to Brian one day)_  
>You can kiss me with the windows open<br>While the rain comes pouring inside  
>Kiss me in sweet slow motion<br>Let's let everything slide  
>You got me floating, you got me flying<em>

_It's the way you love me  
>It's a feeling like this<br>It's centrifugal motion  
>It's perpetual bliss<em>

_It's that pivotal moment  
>It's subliminal<br>This kiss, this kiss (It's Criminal)  
>This kiss, this kiss <em>

Brian's eyes start to flutter open, frowning at the annoying sound of Justin's alarm, trying to remember why the alarm was on. Right, he remembered, Monday morning. His frown was deepening as he heard the song. No station he listened to would play this…Justin _would_ have horrible taste in music… of course the man for him had no taste in music, somehow that just seemed poetic justice.

_It's the way you love me,__ baby  
><em>_It's the way you love me__, darling_

_It's the way you love me  
>It's a feeling like this<br>It's centrifugal motion  
>It's perpetual bliss<br>_

_However, Brian is slowly changing his opinion of the afore mentioned obnoxious song as Justin leans over to kiss his him. Deep, soft, mouth open, warm from sleep, that special scent that Justin always had right when he woke up, that was definitely a scent he could wake up to every morning. As Justin deepened the kiss even more, lazy kisses turning into needing kisses, he felt Justin climb on top of him, their morning hard-ons rubbing against each other causing them both to moan into each other's mouths._

_It's that pivotal moment__  
>It's subliminal<br>This kiss, this kiss (It's Criminal)  
>This kiss, this kiss <em>

_It's the way you love me,__ baby  
><em>_It's the way you love me__, darling_

Justin pulls away from Brian's mouth, lifts up to look at Brian, so loving the look on his face, the love in his eyes. God Brian looked amazing in his bed. He preferred Brian's bed, but here, in Justin's bed, the only man that had ever spent the night since he moved in… it felt so right, so amazing. Justin reached over to turn off the alarm… he'll never forget that song and always remember this moment. At the same time Brian reached over for a condom and lube. He couldn't think of a better way to start the day than by fucking Justin.

Brian prepared Justin quickly, not needing much after last night's activities, which they hadn't taken a shower from yet. Justin put on the condom, lifted himself up, grabbed Brian's cock (causing Brian to moan), and sank down on Brian's beautiful cock. He straightened his arms and leaned onto Brian for support, how this was possible he didn't know, but no matter how many times they fucked and made love, every time was as good as the time before, if not better.

Brian seemed to agree as he reached up to Justin's neck and pulled him forward to kiss him again. He couldn't get enough of kissing Justin, never enough, and now he met someone he absolutely meant that for… he could never get enough of Justin, never would have enough of Justin.

They were both groaning into each other's mouths, hips thrusting against each other, Justin's cock bouncing between them, aching for relief, but also not caring if it was touched because of how amazing it felt riding Brian.

Brian noticed Justin's look, knew he was close, as was he, himself. He reached down and grabbed Justin's cock, stroking to match his own thrusting into Justin's ass. Justin raised himself up again, so Brian could go deeper and pound harder, so he could lift and sit even harder on Brian… practically fucking himself on Brian's cock.

He came, hard, all over Brian's chest the moment Brian ran his finger along his tip. His ass squeezing Brian's cock, making Brian come, they both called out the other's name. Brian imagining for a split second that he was coming deep inside Justin, instead of a condom. Fuck! That was hot… he could almost feel it.

Justin collapsed onto Brian, Brian's arms automatically coming around him to hold him, soothe him, feel him.

"I could wake up like that every morning."

Justin said it before his brain could stop him, he tensed a little. They hadn't really talked over the weekend, every time they tried they seemed to get distracted, either at Brian's or here, when they came yesterday for clothes for Justin. And Justin actually had food in his apartment, so that meant they didn't have to go anywhere. Oh, they talked, just not about them, but oddly enough, nothing was strained, everything they did together came so naturally… and not just in the bed, or on the floor, or couch, or kitchen counter, or table, or car, or wherever else they seemed to end up over the weekend.

Brian felt Justin tense against him, he also felt his cock soften and start to slip from Justin. He held the condom and pulled out. He tied the condom and threw it into the trash can, then took Justin in his arms again. He knew Justin said that without thinking, since they never did get a chance to actually talk about them, and what was going to happen next. But he knew the first thing that came to mind… and the thought of it, not only didn't scare him, but the thought of Justin agreeing, it wasn't scary at all, it was a relief, now all he needed to do was say it out loud.

Brian took Justin's face in his hands and made sure he was looking directly into those deep blue sapphire eyes that he…lo…loved so much. He wasn't ready to admit that, yet… but he was ready for this.

"Then why don't you move in with me?"

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><p><strong>Another AN:** Hope you enjoyed. R&R's are always great. Thank you to all you wonderful readers who are still following this after so long. And thank you to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked it and so glad some of you are following it. It makes me happy. Laura :)


	17. Taking a Chance on Love

"_To love another person is to see the face of God." – Victor Hugo_

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><p><strong>Taking a Chance on Love<strong>

He was stunned, speechless, dumb-founded, and amazed. Brian Kinney just asked him to move in with him. _Oh my god_… he thinks, this was… this was huge, but… they'd tried that once before. Although he was pretty sure he wouldn't dance around in Brian's clothing anymore and he definitely wouldn't forget the alarm, he wasn't that kid anymore, and this was New York. But was it too soon now. They'd only been together one weekend, their feelings may have been there for years, but they've only spent a few days together.

"Isn't this rather sudden?" he asks, he thinks they should definitely talk about this, set some ground rules, or at least know what's expected of each other… it's what you do when you live with someone, roommate or not. The reaction he gets is not what he expected. The hurt and disappointment in Brian's eyes… his face trying to hide the pain, but his eyes are screaming it loud and clear.

Brian rolls Justin off him, and get's out of the bed, "we should take a shower, get ready for work."

And with that Brian walks into the bathroom. Damn, shit, fuck, goddamnit, why didn't he see that coming? He thought for sure that Brian was into this, he didn't say no, he didn't even say not yet, well… maybe that's what Brian heard. But it's still sudden. As much as he knows this Brian, who is so different from the Brian that left him, he doesn't know how different he is. One weekend together fucking, sucking and rimming isn't a good basis for a relationship and living together.

Based on everything Cynthia has said he knows quite a bit about Brian's life, and Brian probably knows about Justin's life now, but still, they've only had one weekend together, he has no idea what Brian's personal life is like, and while he doesn't mind what Brian chooses to do, if he's going to live with him, which he really wants to do, he needs to know some things. Because he knows he's so deeply in love with Brian that the man could probably do anything and he would never stop loving him, and it would kill him to live with the man and have something happen that could hurt him. A couple of scenarios run through his mind and he doesn't like any of them, and he would have no out, no place of his own. He knows sharing your life with someone, living with someone, is no walk in the park. Love isn't easy and anything worth having is going to take work.

Yes, he wants to live with Brian… but they have to talk about it first. This Brian may have some of the same indifference and uncaring tendencies as the Brian he once knew, but this Brian also felt more, opened himself more, and let Justin in. He knew Brian had, regardless of how Brian was acting right now, he also remembered that pain and hurt when Justin hadn't immediately said yes. Love isn't logical, never, but living with someone, you have to be… and to give up his own apartment in New York… he was going to make damn well sure Brian knew exactly how he felt and what he was getting himself in for. He hadn't been hurt per se, after Brian left… but there was no way he could ever go through that. And losing Brian now… he couldn't even begin to imagine the pain and suffering he would feel.

He had to get through to Brian now, before this day went any further. He knew Brian enough to know the worry, doubt, fear, and loathing would set in. He knew Brian was thinking way to fucking hard, reading way too much into what Justin said, and not the right things. He also knew he had changed. He wasn't the same innocent scared 17 year old that Brian had left. He had grown, learned, loved and lost, had flings and relationships, had roommates and fuck buddies, he knew exactly what he had to do next.

He stood up just as he heard the water being turned off. He would have gladly joined Brian, but his bathroom was really fucking small, so there was no way he could join him. Then he pictured Brian's shower… and using it every morning, after waking up to Brian, every morning… they were definitely going have to set their alarm early on work days otherwise they'd both constantly be late.

He walked to the door of the bathroom, appreciating the view. No matter if Brian was angry, high, drunk, or sweet, loving and sober… he was always stunning, a sight to behold, absolutely beautiful. It still amazed him that this god, this Adonis, this perfect fucking man wanted him.

Brian knew Justin was there, watching him, didn't know what the fucking twat would do next. Why, why had Justin turned him down? He didn't get it, they were doing great. He was probably tormenting himself needlessly while he was in the shower, but he actually didn't get it. What was the fucking big deal about wanting Justin to move in? He knew how calm his life was, clubbing was practically nonexistent, drinks and drugs minimal at best… and he couldn't believe how much he actually wanted Justin with him, every night going to bed, every morning he woke up. Sure it was sudden, but that's the way Brian worked, he wanted something and he went for it, period, no delays, no second thoughts, just grabbed it. Always had, and his cancer… that was a period he hated thinking about, but it taught him to never delay, grab life by the horns (or cock - *chuckle*) and go for it.

He didn't know what Justin was going to do or say next. He thought for sure he sensed the same emotions, the same love, the same, well, obsession, for want of a better term, because that's what it was. He really didn't need anyone else, didn't want anyone else. He told Justin that already… what was the delay, why was Justin really denying him, he didn't get it.

"Brian."

"What?" he didn't care that he sounded rude, he was still hurt, damnit, even though he would never admit that.

Justin took a deep breath, making sure to word this very carefully. "I don't know if this is too soon, or you whether you're ready to hear this, but I'm going to say it… I love you, and I want to live with you, more than you could know, but it is sudden and before we make any decisions, I think we need to talk about it."

"We don't need to talk Justin, you want to live with me, live with me. It doesn't take that much, you're place is actually pretty small, but… I meant what I said about only wanting you… I figured living together would be a lot more convenient… but you're not jumping at the chance, so…"

"If you knew me at all you would know exactly how jumping I was, but I also want to be logical."

Brian laughed at that, actually had the fucking nerve to laugh.

"Why the fuck was that funny?"

"You're a temperamental artist who does freelance work and exhibits in New York City who just spent the weekend fucking your brains out with someone you haven't really seen or spent time with in years and you want to be logical now?"

Well, when he put it like that, it was kind of funny, but this was serious, he was being serious… hey…

"Hey, I am not temperamental! I'm an artist, I feel, strongly, about everything I create and everything I do… and living in New York City is the exact reason I need to be logical. I know we're both different, we've both changed, for the better… but I remember the last time we lived together, and that didn't work out so well… and then… when you left, to come here… I…" he was struggling to not cry, damnit he wanted to be angry, "I want to make sure that we start out better than last time… and…"

Brian was trying to prevent himself from getting hard, when Justin got angry he was fucking hot. That flush and passion and energy that he put into his fucking, the same energy went into his anger… but when Justin started to get upset, he could tell he wanted to cry, but stopped himself… he could control his own need for the moment. Justin really sounded hurt from when he had left the Pitts to come here. He figured he'd miss him, and obviously neither of them had forgotten the other. Maybe they did need to talk, he knew he loved Justin now, and Justin obviously loved him, but maybe not everything was as cut and dried as he thought.

"Justin… Sunshine… I know what's it like living with you, and you're right, I have changed, and so have you. If we want this to work, it'll work, and we'll make it work. There's nothing you have to worry about, and even though I still hate talking, if that's what it will take to convince you to move in with me, then we'll talk, about whatever you want and however fucking long you want."

Again, Justin was stunned. God, Brian really had changed. This was not the Brian fucking Kinney, stud of Liberty Avenue, that he had known and loved. Oh, he still loved him, more than anything or anyone he had ever loved, and more than he could have ever imagined. He couldn't imagine life without Brian, ever again, but this Brian, who still so clearly hated to talk, would talk, however long he wanted.

"Justin," Brian lowered his voice as he started walking to Justin, softening his voice so it didn't sound harsh, from either being upset or being really turned on, which he was, because they were both still naked, and apparently Justin had forgotten that. He stood close, but not touching, not yet, anyway.

He took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in his throat, closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked into Justin's bright blue eyes. Seeing the love there gave him strength, but he also sensed a little fear, hesitation, hopefully their talking – even though he still hated the thought – would help whatever was there and whatever it was coming from.

Justin was holding his breath, waiting for whatever Brian was going to say. He had no idea what to expect, but the look on Brian's face… he could only hope what came next. His heart pounding in his chest.

Brian reached forward and took Justin in his arms, extrememly relieved when Justin welcomed and returned the embrace. Then Brian said the one thing he'd never thought he would say, to anyone other than Gus.

He whispered into Justin's ear, not able to look at him when he said it, "I love you."

Justin gasped, unable to fight the tears that had been threatening to fall, he pulled back, but still holding Brian. Looked into his eyes, deep into Brian's eyes, he knew what he saw, he saw that look yesterday, the day before, this morning… but so much more.

"You…"

Brian looked him directly in the eyes, "I love you."

And he kissed him, couldn't stop, couldn't speak, couldn't think, could just feel. The blood coursing through his body, he felt his body melting to Brian's, the energy and intensity radiating through them, pulling and pushing, electrifying the energy around them. They just held each other as close as you can be to another. Suddenly it wasn't enough, he needed to be closer. God, hearing those words from Brian's lips, he never… he needed Brian inside him, now.

He forced himself to move his one hand and release Brian's towel. It fell behind Brian, their painfully hard cocks almost hitting each other, throbbing next to each other. Brian reached down to Justin's ass and lifted his ass up. Justin moaned into Brian's mouth, holding on to Brian for dear life. He couldn't believe Brian's strength, and he loved that Brian wanted him just as bad. Brian carried Justin over to the bed, which was right behind him. They both fell onto the bed, both gasping at the force in which their bodies suddenly came into contact, impossibly closer than before. Justin's body molding automatically to Brian, legs wrapping around Brian, licking and nipping at his neck and chest as Brian reached over for a condom and the lube.

Brian couldn't believe the emotions, the feelings, the heat flowing through him. He had no idea that saying those three words could have such an effect on another person. Nor could he believe how they had affected him, and how the passion that was consuming him was made so much stronger and deeper by saying it, admitting it. It was beyond belief.

Brian quickly donned the condom and applied lube, before guiding his cock into Justin. Justin had the most amazing ass and it felt… it felt like heaven… the only ass he would ever want. He knew he would never tire of this… everything that he and Justin had. He groaned as he slowly slid inside, waiting silently for Justin to adjust, loving, god it felt good to admit that. He loved the reaction he got from Justin, loved how responsive Justin was to everything.

Justin moaned, so deep in his throat he almost didn't recognize the sounds coming from him. The feeling of Brian's cock in his ass always amazing, but this, right here, right now... He couldn't believe that Brian had actually told him he loved him, it was, he had no words to describe this feeling, but paint, he would have to paint exactly how he felt right now. It would be his most creative, most amazing, most beautiful canvas to date, and it would never be sold, it would be theirs.

Brian moved almost leisurely, rocking in and out of Justin, almost all the way out, then sliding slowly back in, balls deep in Justin's ass. Not only was he keeping Justin on edge, but he didn't want this to end, never wanted this to end. They were so good together, so perfect together. He had Justin lost beneath him, writhing in ecstasy, close to begging, but he knew Justin absolutely loved it when he went slow like this. It was the most pleasurable torture, for both of them, to go this slow. He grazed Justin's prostate at every movement, his own cock relishing the feeling, the squeezing Justin's ass had, a vice around his cock that didn't want to let go, and he fucking loved it. He had fought someone, anyone getting close for so long… and now he knew why.

He leaned down to kiss Justin again, Justin responding immediately, both of them groaning at the slowness, absorbed in the passion and pleasure, reveling in how good it felt. He broke their kiss to kiss down to Justin's ear and pull on his ear lobe, causing Justin to gasp. He was always so sensitive on his neck and ears.

"Never wanted anyone…to get close…to love… now I know why," Justin was incoherent, but he knew Justin was listening. He had stopped moving, no matter how flush and hot and desperate to come Justin was, he had his undivided attention. He lowered his voice a little more, almost shy at letting this confession out, but had to share, "I was waiting for you."

Maybe this talking thing wasn't so bad, he thought as he heard Justin moan his name, just from that. Maybe he just needed to right circumstances to share, and being balls deep in Justin, the most perfect ass in the world, the most perfect man for him, his equal in every way, and opposite in every way that mattered, that balanced him, made him a better person.

Justin couldn't believe his ears, or eyes, or body. Such delicious feelings coursing through his body, Brian was making love to him, he knew it, could sense it, feel it, saw it in Brian's eyes. It was magnificent. He was lost to the man above him, always would be… and now with Brian's words. So powerful, so amazing, he… he would never doubt Brian again. He knew, maybe forgot, or didn't believe… never again, but he knew that Brian felt so deeply, that when he made up his mind, that was it. So when Brian Kinney says I love you (holy fucking shit), only you (unbelievable), and (he still couldn't get over this one) I was waiting for you. His place is at Brian's side, always, and he's never, ever going to leave it, and if Brian ever pushes him away again he'll come back fighting with all he has till they end up right back here… in the most perfect embrace he's ever known, or will ever know.

Justin decided to whisper his own declaration back to Brian… the thing that started all this in the first place. Forcing himself to concentrate on his thoughts rather than the incredible sensations from having Brian inside him, caressing him, loving him. "I'll move in with you Brian… whenever you want."

Now it was Brian's turn to look similar to how Justin looked earlier when he had finally said I love you. Brian didn't need the words that Justin obviously longed for, but hearing a real, tangible commitment like living together meant more to him than words did. He was an ad man after all, words were always easy to come by, and rarely meant what they said… he had learned that lesson the hard way too, at way too early an age. But now having Justin in his life, with how good he had felt these last few days, he didn't want this to stop, ever.

Whatever Brian's intentions were to extend this moment, these feelings, this joining as long as possible. He knew he was getting close to needing a release, which meant that Justin was too. He found Justin's lips and kissed him, hard, deep, forcing his tongue into Justin's mouth. Justin's tongue meeting his with the same force, sucking his tongue in, like his ass was sucking in Brian's cock. Both groaning and moaning at the sensations. Brian started pounding harder, barely moving his hips, but stabbing Justin's prostate, keeping their bodies pressed tight together, trapping Justin's cock between them. The pressure against Justin's cock, the stabbing of his prostate, the feeling of Brian's lips and mouth, tongue and hands. He couldn't hold off any longer, he had to come. His release pouring out of him, shouting Brian's name in ecstasy. Brian knew he was close, too… seeing Justin come that hard, hearing his name shouted from this gorgeous man… feeling Justin's ass gripping his cock… forced his orgasm out as well… unable to prevent Justin's name from leaving his lips as well.

They both fell into a sated pile, struggling for breath, feeling each other's heartbeats against each other's chests. Then Brian heard Justin's little whisper, "I love you, Brian… so much."

Brian just nodded, couldn't really speak even if he wanted to; hoped that Justin would understand. As soon as he felt Justin's arms come around him, hold him, felt the kiss to his neck, he knew Justin understood. He turned his head to face Justin, to look into those vivid pools of blue that were Justin's eyes. Slightly damp, but completely open, more so than before this weekend; he smiled, a little smile, a little thrill going through him when Justin returned his smile.

"So what do you say we take another day off and move you into my place?"

"My apartment might be small, but it's not that small."

"You only need boxes."

"What about my furniture?"

"You're kidding, right? Can you see any of this stuff in my loft?"

"Our loft… and I didn't mean the bed."

Brian chuckled at that… he was wondering if Justin would pick up on that.

"Our loft… I like the sound of that Sunshine. Bed, table, chairs, doesn't matter… none of this stuff would fit with the style."

"But it's me, it represents me. I'm moving in with you, Brian… I'm living _with_ you, sharing our life, not just living somewhere else. And I wasn't thinking of the table and chairs either, but I like my couch and futon… I could even reupholster them if you wanted them to match your loft better."

"Our loft," Brian quietly reminded him, appreciating Justin's chuckle. Then he realized exactly what Justin said. "You can do upholstery?"

"Yep, I thought it was fascinating, it's almost like stretching canvas over the frame, only with extra padding."

"Ah… and you know all about extra padding," Brian says kiddingly, as he gently slaps the side of Justin's ass.

"It's good to have extra padding when you're hammering hard into me."

Brian just laughs and rolls his eyes at that. As true as that might be, it's totally ridiculous. His Sunshine had one quirky sense of humor. Hmm… his Sunshine, he liked the sound of that.

"So…"

"So what? … and don't say chicken butt."

Brian gasps, like he's hurt… "just ruin my fun why don't you."

Now Justin rolls his eyes, "you're a nut."

He meant that to be goofy, but Brian's face suddenly changed, it was no longer playful, it was hurt, and Brian had to look away. Okay, he was so totally lost he didn't know what was going on, and wasn't sure what to say to help.

"Umm… I won't apologize, not that I would know what for anyway, but Brian? What's wrong? I mean… you're not having second thoughts are you? Cause if you are, then I don't have…" and he stops immediately. Brian's head whipping back around, nailing with a glare that chills him, and not in a good way.

"No," Brian has to take a deep breath, that sounded a lot more angry and hurt than he wanted. He actually hadn't wanted to tell Justin about why that comment hurt, but this wasn't the twink Justin who took his word and never questioned him. "Sunshine… Justin…," deep breath, inhale, exhale.

"It's okay, Brian, whatever it is that's going on… whenever you're ready to tell me. I'm not going anywhere, whatever you want to do."

"Sunshine you have no idea how much you saying that helps."

Justin looks greatly relieved, and flattered, if the little blush in his cheeks indicates anything.

"There's something I have to tell you, something that happened, a while ago, but… maybe not right now. We can still make it to work on time, I know I have a client coming in at 10 and I need to be there for it. It's a good thing I brought my suit over yesterday."

Justin nods, finding his next words carefully, "but you will tell me… sometime. I mean it Brian, I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me anything and I'll be right here, always."

Brian nods, suddenly fighting back his own tears… what this man could do to him. He leans down and kisses Justin, softly, gently, no tongue.

He pulls back and looks at Justin, runs his fingers through his hair. "Come on Sunshine, I seem to need another shower… and if we're creative enough I think there might be room enough for both of us in there."

Justin lifts his own hand up and runs in along Brian's cheek, cups his chin… getting a thrill when Brian leans into his caress. "I know you're a creative adman, but I don't think even you could find a way for us both to take a shower in there."

"Oh, a challenge is it? Well… we'll just have to see about that."

And with that Brian gets up quickly, pulling Justin up with him. …. _And I'll be damned_, Justin thinks… but Brian actually fits them both in there for a shower.

Justin was underestimating Brian's abilities…_and apparently forgetting that if you didn't actually fuck or suck in the shower you didn't need as much room._

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><p><strong>AN**: I found the quote and couldn't help but to use it. It never ceases to amaze me how many literary references were in Queer as Folk... Dan, Ron, and all the writers were geniuses. Every episode had some literary or scholarly reference, I love it. Still, I had to use this, and my muse highly agreed. Hope you enjoyed this installment. Thank you to all my readers and reviewers... thanks for coming back even though it's taken a while to write more. My muse can't write stories with homework in the way, but we had a moment and had to write. I don't know when I'll update again, but I had to say thank you... and there will be more eventually. Cheers, Laura :)


	18. The Best Laid Plans of Mice

**A/N:** An update… finally! I won't bore you with long winded explanations or excuses, I'll just let you enjoy. I do reference a popular book and a particular character… Justin's "opinion" in no way represents my own opinion, but I couldn't help include it. You also might notice my unashamed quoting of "Hitchhiker's Guide" (with one slight change), just watched it again, and couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are always welcome, and I thank all of you wonderful readers that had previously reviewed. I would also like to thank all my followers and favoriters! This chapter is dedicated to Predec2 and JackieMag who inspired me to write more… thanks for the kick in the butt!

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><p>"<em>The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is "he" the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy." – Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent, <span>Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy<span>_

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><p><strong>The Best Laid Plans of Mice… and Men<strong>

The next week had been hectic at best. Brian made it on time for his meeting, which went so well they got a new client, who had a former business partner that was also impressed enough to earn them another new client. Not that Brian ever complained about getting new clients and making more money, but when the clients are multi-million dollar chain restaurants and bakeries that demand ads as soon as possible, it made for a very busy and chaotic workplace. Now Brian didn't jump and run for any client, but he got the distinct impression that these Italian business people had connections not even Brian had, and connections that Brian didn't want to know. This is New York, after all.

Even Justin had taken a break from all his painting in order to help Brian. Justin was honored that Brian asked for his help, and although he would have liked to continue painting, when Brian said he wanted to give his new clients the best, and that meant Justin, he was powerless to object. Course it could have helped that Brian asked one night while basking in post-coital bliss. Justin was pretty sure even if Brian had asked during the day in Justin's studio he would have said yes. He would never turn down the opportunity to help Brian; to see Brian at work, in ad-exec mode, was fucking hot.

The other reason that Brian asked Justin was that… he did already mention this was a restaurant and bakery, right? Justin's amazing artistic ability flowed into all creative outlets the man had tried and he excelled at cooking and baking. The fact that Brian thought Justin had more than one stomach and was constantly feeding the beast might have had something to do with thinking that Justin would be the perfect artist to create an advertisement for businesses that sold food. What Brian didn't tell Justin was he wanted to see how willing Justin was to work with him, his company, the art department and their clients.

Brian hasn't given up his idea to ask Justin to head his art department, but he wants to wait until his current contract is up. Brian could care less if Justin did more than one thing at a time, but he knows that Justin won't stop until he finishes all his artwork for his company. Although Brian hasn't seen any of the artwork, yet, and he has been really anxious to see what Justin has been creating. Justin has been working with the art department for some of it, but since Brian never went down to the art department in the time that Justin was there he never saw it. Now, given their relationship status (he still shutters at that word, something he's working on, but not too hard, he has Justin, he doesn't need a label), he was hoping to take a look, but when he went down to look on later that week he couldn't see any proof of Justin in the art department.

Well, he could see proof of Justin being there, he could see proof of Justin everywhere. The décor, the extra furniture, and the lighting here and there were very noticeable, at least to Brian. Everyone seemed a bit happier as well, even with how busy everyone was. Justin reassured Brian that he was almost done with all the artwork, but was waiting to reveal it when it was all finished. This was not something that Justin would bend on, even a little. You can call it temperamental, picky, annoying or secretive, that was one thing Justin never capitulated to; it was his artwork and everyone would see it how and when he was ready. Not to mention Justin hadn't even started the artwork for Brian's office, restroom and private conference room.

Justin thought he was going to start on his final paintings the week after his amazing weekend with Brian, but these two new clients were taking up a lot of time and energy. He was very flattered and pleased that Brian wanted his help. He could see through Brian's teasing of his stomach being a bottomless pitted monster, and knew that Brian really did want the best for his clients, and was honored that Brian considered him the best.

Working completely with the art department, almost as a permanent member was incredible. As an artist he always wanted the freedom to do and create whatever he wanted, he never could imagine a full-time job doing what someone else told you. Maybe it was Brian being the boss, or the wonderful artists already in the art department, or maybe Justin had changed enough to want it now, but he could see working here all the time. Even when they got the little, commonplace companies to advertise things that Brian normally hated or thought were useless, the artists put forth their best effort, because Brian always expected perfection.

Justin almost wasn't looking forward to finishing his artwork for Kinney & Perkins, because he wasn't sure what he would do next. His agent didn't have anything for him at the moment, although that was because they had spoken when he first started working for Brian, well, for Cynthia, and they agreed to keep his schedule clear not knowing how long it would take. Justin really did want to finish all the artwork and hang it all where it was supposed to be. He was hoping that when the time came for that, he could get all the artists there to help him, and convince everyone else (including Brian and Cynthia) that he would need the whole office for a few hours to get everything hung where it was supposed to go. Even the contractors who painted the offices had agreed to send one or two guys over to help hang the artwork. After all, it was something they had to work with all the time, in both business and residential buildings. Justin had met them that first month he was there as they installed all the lighting that Justin ordered.

Justin loved the creative energy that flowed through Kinney & Perkins. He loved working side by side with Brian this past week and he was loathing giving it up. Part of him was hoping that next week's presentation to these new clients went well so he could get back to finishing up Brian's artwork. Part of him was almost scared at what would come after that. Although he shouldn't be too worried, he and Brian were going to live together, so he knew he would see Brian all the time. He was worried about moving, though, as he and Brian were going to spend the weekend doing that. Which also meant no break after such a busy week, to be followed by another really busy week.

He didn't look forward to packing up his apartment, but at least he gave his super notice, and he was on a month to month lease. He still had a couple weeks left, so he could take some time in deciding what to do with the furniture that he wasn't bringing. Thank god he didn't have to move studios. He couldn't even imagine what that would entail. He was so grateful that he took his agents advice and never kept any artwork (aside from his sketch books) in his apartment.

It was now Friday afternoon and he was in Brian's loft, well, he guessed, their loft, but since there was nothing of his here (except clothes and toiletries, because he had spent every night this week here), it looked like Brian's loft. Everything for the week had been finished, and while he should be in his studio painting, he just didn't want to move. It's not that he didn't have the energy, but there was something about waiting for Brian to get home that was immensely satisfying to Justin. Brian said he would be really late coming home because he wanted absolutely everything done and ready for Monday, so that he could concentrate on Justin and moving all weekend.

Justin wasn't looking forward to spending all weekend moving, but the thought of Brian concentrating on him all weekend might be worth it. If it weren't for their closeness and surprising declarations of love for each other every night, Justin might be worried that Brian was going to be late because of clubbing or tricking. But Justin wasn't worried, at all. This is gonna sound totally stupid, corny and cliché, but Justin couldn't help think of it, and he's gonna blame Daphne for putting the idea in his head. Daphne had convinced Justin to read those damn Twilight novels, even though he had never intended to, and he'll never forgive her. Mainly because he couldn't help some comparisons between Brian and Edward or Jacob. (Although secretly he thinks Bella should have chosen Jacob, but he'll never tell anyone he was that into it.)

So he had read the stupid Twilight books and the one thing that came to mind this week after his weekend with Brian was something Edward did in the first book. The moment he realized he loved Bella he changed; Justin much preferred Carlisle's explanation than Edwards, though. Since they are like stone, frozen for all time, in order to change anything, it has to be astronomical, and will change them forever. That was how he saw Brian's decision to accept Justin without question and without doubt. Brian said he loved him and move in and only wants him, and there was no way that Brian was going to ever change. Now that he allowed Justin into his life and soul and heart, that was where Justin would always be.

There was something in Brian's voice, how he said he was going to be late, like he was doing more than just finishing work. However, knowing Brian he was either going to do something ridiculously romantic (which was really hard to imagine, no matter how much Brian has seemed to change) or he was going to do something drastic and just ridiculous like finish the whole project tonight and wouldn't be home until midnight.

Home… that was certainly a wonderful thought. It had been a long time since Justin could feel at home. He's lived in a lot of amazing places, and a few dumps, and even when he lived with Brian shortly, he still didn't feel completely at home. Don't get him wrong, he felt completely safe, at times, just never "home". Oddly enough the closest time he felt to home was in Italy. It was absolutely beautiful, stunning, breath-taking, and inspiring. Justin would love to go back one day, he had an open invitation to stay with Angelo's family anytime. It might be awkward to have Brian and Angelo in the same place, but… oh, his mind was naughty.

It might be _**fun**_ having Brian and Angelo in the same place. He would never, ever, need another man; Brian was the only one for him, but the thought of his lover and partner, with… then again, no matter what Brian said or how insatiable he could be, maybe Brian wouldn't like the thought. Well, none of that mattered at the moment. It would be quite a while before they had the time to take a vacation, much less go to Italy.

While Justin sat in Brian's loft, sketching peacefully, enjoying some pizza and tiramisu from their newest clients (ah, the benefits of advertising for restaurants), Brian's antipasto salad staying cold in the fridge… Brian was very busy in his office making several last minute calls and arrangements before heading over to Justin's apartment. Even with as hectic as it had been, he still had time to think about everything that was happening to him, and Justin, personally. He was more than ready to have Justin move in with him, live with him, share his life and space and love… and he didn't care how ridiculously romantic that sounded, he'd do anything for Justin, and he means that.

He had moved to New York, and has moved a few times since that first time, and he had vowed when he bought the loft (and building, but don't tell anyone that, or he'll cut your balls off) that he was never moving again. He had no interest to spend the weekend packing and moving Justin, and he sure as hell didn't plan on giving up a weekend that could be spent fucking and relaxing with Justin in place of back-breaking, tiresome work. He knew that Justin suspected him of hiding something, but if Justin thought it was serious, he was sure Justin would have demanded the truth.

Brian had always believed in being honest and telling the truth, he also knew, very well, how to twist and turn things to make it sound like he was being absolutely truthful, and hide everything. He promised himself to never lie to Justin, and he didn't, nor was he hiding anything. He just didn't want to deal with the drama princess if Brian had mentioned this first. Brian knows he'll have some clever explanations to get Justin to calmly agree and accept what Brian is doing… after it's done, that is.

Justin had left after Brian had everything set, and the timing couldn't have been better. Justin would get home (god, it felt good to think about Justin "home", waiting for him) long before Brian arrived. Brian was hoping to have everything taken care of quickly enough, and if he left shortly after Justin, then he would get to Justin's apartment at the same time the movers got there.

They might be technically movers, but they specialized in moving people with either a lot of very fragile items, or very expensive items. Not that Justin had either, but after Justin had mentioned reupholstering some of his own furniture, Brian took a closer look at it. It was yet more proof that Justin was born to be an artist, in every medium possible. He couldn't care less about Justin's other furniture, but he knew Justin, and hiring a company that would treat all of Justin's crap like priceless heirlooms, or the Mona Lisa, then Justin would be happy.

Brian didn't technically need to be at Justin's place when the movers were there, but he just wanted to make sure they got everything. They can say whatever they want as far as being specialists and careful, but this was Justin's stuff they were talking about, and Brian wasn't going to take any chances. They hadn't spent a lot of time together, and they only had that one weekend together at Justin's place, but Brian knew Justin so well, even from the short time they were together, that he wanted to make sure to pack up what Justin would want easily findable.

By the time Brian had driven to Justin's apartment and found parking (thank goodness for buildings with underground parking lots), the movers were waiting. He greeted the small group of movers, unlocked Justin's door, and led everyone inside. He slept much better with Justin in his bed than ever before, but little did Justin know that those evenings he slept here, after Justin had fallen asleep Brian took a little while to inspect everything. He told the movers where to start, what to pack, and what to leave (which was the bed, since they didn't need another one, and major appliances, which came with the place). He made his way to the bedroom and pulled out Justin's luggage to pack all his clothing and the rest of his toiletries… vowing he was going to buy Justin some decent luggage very soon.

After a couple of hours almost everything was packed and taken to either the mover's truck or Brian's car. The next part of this little operation Brian spent some time debating, until he decided that the sooner Justin knew what he was doing the better. Not only because it let him see Justin sooner, but he knew the little twat would want to inspect everything as it came off the truck. He had toyed with the idea of just having them take everything to the storage areas of his business building, but that would mean more movers, again, to bring stuff to their loft.


	19. Live With Me and Be My Love

**A/N**: Another chapter… yeah! Well I hadn't planned on including smut, I mean there is a plot to this story, right? I can write a Brian/Justin story without tons of lemons, right? … Oh, who am I kidding, I don't think I could no matter how hard I tried. Well, I guess you know what's coming… or should I say who? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean* You've been warned… so enjoy! :D

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><p>"<em>Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness." – Susan Sarandon as Beverly Clark, <span>Shall We Dance<span>_

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><p><strong>Live With Me and Be My Love<strong>

Brian walked into their loft to a sleeping Justin, sketchpad open on the floor, probably having fallen off his lap after he fell asleep, head on the back of the sofa, mouth open, breathing softly. He was glad he told the movers to wait down in the parking garage for him. He closed and locked the door quietly, just in case, and slowly made his way over to Justin. It always surprised Brian how soundly Justin actually slept, and in any position. He had already changed over at Justin's before packing, and his suit was still in his car. Justin being asleep now meant two things to Brian. First, he wouldn't have to explain why he wasn't in his suit, and second (and the better of the two things) he could wake Justin up however he wanted.

He stood and watched Justin for a little before deciding the best way to wake him up. The possibilities were seemingly endless, but when Justin's breathing became quicker and he could see Justin's cock hardening and throbbing in his pants, Brian's decision was made. Justin happened to be in the perfect position, too. When Justin would sit and sketch, he usually had both legs curled in front of him, clearly after falling asleep Justin's legs had landed on the floor in front of him. His legs were spread apart, and both his arms were at his side. Justin had also changed when he got home, no longer was he wearing his dress pants, nor jeans (for that matter), he was wearing his sweats… easy access… very easy.

Brian remained quiet and slow as he approached his sleeping blond and crawled up until he was between his legs, but not touching. He thought Justin must be having a pretty hot dream as his eyes were moving fast, his cock was completely hard, and he was moaning a little. Knowing how soundly Justin could sleep through a wet dream (he had had a little fun during their week together, especially at night) he decided to enhance Justin's dream. He sat up on his knees and leaned forward a bit. "Justin" he whispered. Justin's cock throbbed at his name, "Brian" came the breathless response.

Brian grinned an evil, sexy grin and moved his hand to hover over Justin's cock. If it weren't for his pants, his cock would be sticking straight out, as it was it was pointing up, trapped by the pants. Brian pushed his hand up against Justin, rubbing Justin's cock and balls simultaneously. Justin moaned rather loudly at the sudden contact. Somewhere in Justin's sleep, his subconscious was telling him to wake up, but his erotic dream of Brian fucking him under that setting Tuscan sun, hotter than when he and Angelo had done it, was just too pleasurable to try and wake him.

Brian scooted a little closer and reached up to pull down Justin's pants in front, just enough for his cock to bounce free. He noticed Justin trying to raise his hips to remove them, but was still deep enough in sleep to not manage it. Brian tucked the front of his pants under Justin's balls, and blew on Justin's dripping cock. Justin gasped and bucked a little at the sensation and coolness. Brian could tell that Justin was about to wake up, so figured he'd give him something to wake up to. Justin's eyes were flickering under his lids, caught between not wanting the dream to end, but something telling him that waking up might be better.

Brian licked the head of Justin's cock like it was a delicious popsicle right before wrapping his mouth around it and taking it all in. Justin's eyes flew open, he gasped, then moaned, and as Brian began to suck and bob up and down, Justin was only momentarily stunned before his eyes focused on Brian's head, his mouth on his cock. Justin moved his hands to Brian's hair and shoulder, bucking his hips in time with Brian's movements. His dream hadn't lasted that long, but figuring Brian was helping his dream be hotter than normal (although not compared to his wet dreams over the last week) he was really fucking close.

He moaned and threw his head back in ecstasy when Brian went all the way down and hummed. God, those vibrations, that mouth… he still had the image of Brian and he in that field in Italy, and now he couldn't fucking wait to suggest he and Brian go there. He was lost to Brian's sucking and licking and humming, so close to coming, that he didn't hear anything… he was shocked when Brian stopped, but the moment he noticed Brian on his knees, pants open, shirt unbuttoned, condom on, Justin didn't hesitate one more second. He slid off the sofa, pulled his pants off as fast as possible, then lowered himself down on Brian and onto his cock.

Both men groaned in pleasurable pain as Justin's ass pulled Brian's cock in, Justin's ass rubbing against the jeans and zipper, almost providing too much stimulation. Brian was going to settle for shared blow jobs, knowing the movers were waiting, but after hearing, seeing and smelling Justin long enough, he had to be inside him. They hadn't fucked like this since before Brian originally left for New York, and he needed to right now. It felt way too intimate back then the one time they did this, but here and now, he knew they could do this again and again. The feeling of Justin's ass in his lap, Justin's cock and balls trapped between them, leaving wet marks all over his abs, Justin's arms around his neck and shoulders, his arms around Justin's waist and hip, holding and pushing him down. Justin looked absolutely amazing riding him like this.

Justin's legs weren't wrapped around him like they normally would; his feet were supporting his weight as he slid up and down, bucking and riding Brian's cock like his life depended on it. His head back, eyes closed, mouth open, breathing hard, fucking himself on Brian's cock… god, it was so fucking hot to watch Justin so open and wanton like this. He wanted to bring Justin's mouth to his to kiss those perfect lips, but didn't want to move his hands. He gasped Justin's name as Justin came back down hard on Brian.

Justin's eyes snapped open and his hips stilled momentarily. Justin saw it, the silent question, the unspoken request… Brian's hands tightened and as Justin started moving again, even slower, reveling in his own reaction, Brian's reaction to him, and look of lust and love that was so open and honest, and was missing the last time they did this… Justin leaned forward and kissed Brian. Their mouths opened simultaneously, moaning into each other, joined everywhere, feeling each other's body and heat, as close as they could possibly get. They only tried this once, and Justin felt so fucking close to Brian then, it was beyond comprehension how close he felt to Brian now.

The more time passed, the hotter they got, the more they moaned and groaned, the harder they kissed, like they needed each other's very breath to live… which might possibly be true right now. This wasn't fucking, they knew that, it was making love, it was heat and passion, excitement and love, it was all consuming. It was hard and slow, every movement, every touch, every thrust and buck exquisitely pleasurable. They both knew they were close, and knew the other was close; this could last forever, but the need to come was desperate. Justin moved his hips so that Brian's cock jabbed his prostate twice, squeezed their bodies together tighter and the pressure on Justin's cock with that did it. Justin couldn't talk, could barely breathe… gasped out his mind-bending orgasm, body almost convulsing with each shot of cum. Brian tightened his grip even more, feeling Justin's ass grip his cock, ass muscles contracting around him, ripping his orgasm out of him. He pulled Justin down hard as he started to cum, bucking into Justin with each spurt.

They held each other tight as they came down from such an amazing high, such a powerful orgasm, more powerful than any drug. They were both shaking a little after the exertion of the position and the force of their orgasms.

"God… Brian… that was…" he mumbled into Brian's neck, not quite able to sit up yet.

"Aaaamazing" Brian peacefully answered. It was still a bit unbelievable to him to have so many powerful, amazing, fulfilling orgasms with the same man, and still want more, but not want anyone else. And he knew now, that he could only find that with the man in his arms. He also figured it must be the damn emotions coursing through him as he held Justin, feeling his body, smelling them together, wrapped in each other, that led him to saying what he felt compelled to say after every time they had a particularly powerful orgasm.

"I love you, Sunshine."

And maybe that look right there, that returning gasp and shimmery eyes, and sunshiny smile that he got in return was more than answer enough to why he felt the need to say that almost daily.

Justin was getting used to this Brian, his Brian, so different than he remembered, so much more open and willing and happy. At least he didn't cry completely this time, but he honestly hoped he would never tire of hearing those beautiful words from Brian's lips, directed at him, Justin. Amazing was right, in so many more ways than one.

"I love you, too, Brian."

It's funny that Justin had a nickname and Brian didn't, but Justin didn't get his nickname from Brian… and Justin loved saying 'Brian' far too much to give him a nickname. Coincidentally, Brian loved hearing his name leave Justin's sweet, pink lips so much he never questioned it. Not to mention they both knew that Brian wouldn't do nicknames, even if Justin could pick one that fit.

"As much as I would love to stay like this,"

"I know."

"Actually, you don't."

With that comment Justin lifted his head from resting comfortably on Brian's shoulder to look at him.

"I want to show you what I've been doing that made me get home late."

Justin couldn't help but smile a little at Brian saying home. But the 'show him' comment was confusing.

"Show me?"

Brian smacked Justin's ass, gently, but it still made a slight mark.

"Brian."

Brian just smirked back and Justin, who rolled his eyes and gently lifted himslef off Brian's softened cock, as Brian held the condom on.

"Go get dressed, twat."

Justin giggled as he walked to the bedroom, but stopped as he neared the door.

"What should I wear?"

"Whatever you want, just make sure you put shoes on, we're going down to my car."

Okay, Justin will play along, even though he's thoroughly lost as to what Brian is doing.

"Where are we going?"

"I didn't say we were going anywhere," Brian explained while putting his pants back on and getting another shirt, as the one he was wearing was covered in Justin's cum, "I just said we were going to the parking garage."

"Umm, okay… why?"

"Just get dressed, I'll show you when we get down there."

Justin shook his head, resigned to hopefully hearing Brian's explanations for all this once they got down there. He had no idea what Brian was up to, but knowing Brian, he would happily follow. He didn't bother mentioning Brian's comment about wearing shoes, Brian was adorably sweet when he was looking out for Justin, not that Justin would ever say that out loud.

They finished dressing, locked up and headed down in the elevator.

To keep Justin occupied and to prevent questioning, Brian launched into the latest projects for the two newest clients and that everything was ready for Monday and Tuesday's presentation. Justin knew Brian was deflecting his questions, but he let Brian talk. Not only did he love listening to Brian's voice, but it filled him with pride that Brian told him in about his company and projects. Even though Justin helped with these clients, he was still honored that Brian trusted him enough to talk about his company. It made him want to stay there longer than he would be.

When they got down to the parking garage and stepped out, Justin saw a big moving truck next to Brian's car. Wow, Brian didn't waste any time, did he?

"Had I known you wanted to start moving my stuff tonight, I would have dressed differently. Although I would rather wait till after a good night sleep and start tomorrow."

Before Brian could answer, two men got out of the cab of the truck, and two more people jumped out of the back of the truck right after opening it. Brian couldn't have timed that better had he planned it, and he actually hadn't planned when they would open it.

Justin was speechless for a moment, several moments actually, not only was the truck full, but it looked like everything from his apartment. He knew he had a lot, and the truck looked full, but it also looked like everything, was his apartment that small? Wait… wait, that was his stuff, all of it, but… how?

He looked back and forth between Brian and the truck and the, well, movers, apparently, several times. Brian's smile slowly spread, a little nervous and shy, lips rolled in, it was so sweet and bashful that Justin couldn't prevent smiling back.

"Brian… what, I mean…"

Before Justin could say anything else, Brian stood in front of him and wrapped him in a lose embrace, while cupping one sweet cheek.

"I didn't want to wait any longer to have you here. I couldn't believe how much I have loved having you here all week, and with as busy as we've been all week at work, I couldn't stand the thought of spending our first real weekend together packing and moving."

Justin was stunned, and moved, maybe a little pissed, but completely understanding and maybe more than a little in agreement with those statements. Brian continued.

"I want to wake up with you every morning, and fall asleep holding you every night. You don't need everything from your apartment, technically you don't need anything, but I also know that we'll be living together, you're not just moving in with me. This might have been my loft, but I want it to be ours, so..."

He took a deep breath here, kind of letting Justin take a moment, should he want to respond. He was also steadying his thoughts so he could continue and not be affected by Justin's sappy grin and red, moist eyes.

"In light of everything I've just said and the few times we talked about this, I hired a special moving company that is very careful with everything they pack. I met them at your apartment right after you left work and I packed up your bedroom and bathroom, while they took care of everything else. You can either start tonight, or first thing tomorrow morning, but everything that was in your apartment is here, even the ugly ass furniture and dishes that are definitely not going into our loft."

It was getting a bit too sentimental for Brian and he needed to end on a seemingly annoyed note. It took Justin a few more minutes to compose himself, his feelings, to find an appropriate response. He figured may as well respond in kind.

"My furniture and dishes are not ugly, their eclectic and retro. I like my champagne punk look."

Brian couldn't help laughing at that. Only Justin could defend such horrendous choices in décor, it's amazing his offices were so stunning.

"How could someone decorate my offices so brilliantly, and like that god awful crap… I thought gay men are supposed to know a thing or two about fashion… are you sure you're a gay man?"

Justin could only smile bigger before rolling his eyes and responding, "Well, first of all, I think my ass and cock can more than attest to being a gay man, as I'm sure your cock will agree. Second… Emmett." Justin loved Emmett, hadn't seen him in years, but he remembered his fashion sense, on anyone else it would be awful, but on him somehow it worked.

"You remember Emmett? Although that certainly does prove that point, glaringly so, he had horrible fashion sense."

"But somehow it always fit him. I haven't seen him, or anyone else from the Pitts, except Daphne and my mom, since I left for Dartmouth, but I did know him for a year, and we were closer than you probably thought we were."

"Hmm… well that could lead to more conversations that we should probably have at some time later," at Justin's questioning look he kind of explained, "I do go home to visit at least once a year, which has actually been planned to be in a couple of months. I hadn't thought about it till now, but I want you to come with me, you don't have to though, and … well, this is why that conversation can wait. Right now we have a moving truck of crap to deal with, and then I think my cock needs your ass to remind me how gay you are."

Many responses came to Justin, many emotions, too, including fear, panic, amusement, love, and above all, and the one he wanted to keep… horny… "Maybe," Justin couldn't believe he was going to say this right now, but it would certainly help cancel all other thoughts and feelings, "my cock should be re-introduced to how gay your ass is?"

He tried to say that smoothly and huskily, although it probably came out sounding nervous and silly.

Brian would have to give Justin credit, yet again. All the things he might expect Justin to say right then, and he goes with wanting to top Brian. Cocky little twink that he was… although Justin was never a twink. Brian lifts an eyebrow and smirks, licks his lips and bends down to Justin's ear to whisper his response. Of course, with enough air blowing across Justin's ear that he can feel Justin's cock respond to, "I believe we have plans for my ass and your cock this evening… Mr. Taylor."

Justin gasps out a breath at that. God, he was hoping Brian agreed, but that response, who the fuck cares about anything else, including all his crap in the truck, which he could really care less about right now. Brian doesn't allow his own cock to respond, although it (and him) finds the idea of Justin fucking him far more pleasant than he thought he would.

Brian pulls away just a little and looks into Justin eyes, "So, what about all your stuff in the truck? Tonight or tomorrow?"

Justin shakes his head to clear it, to which Brian chuckles at, and Justin responds with sticking his tongue out at him.

"You can do that, too, but that wasn't the question."

Justin groans at that, Brian's not helping him calm down and think about anything. All he wants to do is grab Brian, drag him upstairs and fuck him, and rim him, god, breathe Justin, he tells himself. He closes his eyes and pulls away from Brian a little more. He takes a deep breath to respond, and opens his eyes. God, even smug and proud Brian looks fucking sexy… and they're in a parking garage.

"Well, I wouldn't mind some extra clothes to change into before moving or unpacking anything, and I'm hungry."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well it was your fault for working up an appetite."

"You don't need an excuse for an appetite, but at the moment, I'd have to agree, because I'm rather hungry myself."

Good lord, Justin thinks, how does Brian make that sound so damned sexy. He really is hungry, no matter what he would like to do to Brian right now, if he doesn't eat after their last "workout" his stomach will get in the way later.

"Brian," he says a little exasperatedly, but also a little breathlessly from the look in Brian's eyes. He looks over into the truck as he stands there, "are you sure you got everything?"

"What? You mean it's not full enough? Of course I got it all. I figured it was easier to pack everything and let you go through it later, rather than have you go through it while packing, because knowing how sentimental you would be, it would take a lot longer than a weekend to move you."

Brian would have continued if not for Justin's finger on his mouth to stop his cute little tirade, knowing he didn't mean any of it, at least not too seriously. Brian kisses Justin's finger, meaning 'message received', which gives Justin a little thrill. All this joking around, the silly comments, sharing each other's lives and moments, relaxing together, and of course the best sex he's ever had… he can't wait to start living together, completely. Suddenly everything in the truck isn't nearly as important as it once was, he may have a sentimental attachment to the furniture he fixed, and a few other things, but right now he can't really think of anything he needs, expect this wonderful, selfless, corny, funny, sexy, beautiful, loving, amazing man in front of him.

Brian can see the change in Justin, the look in his eyes, almost hear his thoughts. He never thought to have that kind of connection with anyone, and thought his previous connection with Justin just a fluke. Now he knows better. He smiles a sweet smile at Justin, only Justin, the one that he knows speaks only to Justin. Justin's cute little smile is answer enough.

"For as much as you had in the rest of your apartment, everything from the bathroom and bedroom fit into my car, well with exception of sheets, blankets and towels, but those aren't necessary right now. We can take those boxes upstairs now, go to that little all night deli on the corner you love so much, then we can get started on the truck tomorrow."

Justin can't prevent the shy little kid-in-the-cookie-jar look before responding. "We don't have to go anywhere for dinner if you don't want. You know in working on Giuseppe's boards during the week that I decided to go to his restaurant to get a better feel for the place. Well, while I was there, Giuseppe happened to be there and said anytime I wanted something to eat to let him know and it was on the house, and that went for his cousin's bakery, too. So, umm, there's pizza, tiramisu, cannolis and an antipasto salad upstairs."

Brian just shook his head and laughed. He knew Justin went to the restaurant, which is only one of the reasons the boards looked so amazing, but only Justin could leave with free food, and anytime the boy wanted it.

"You know, I might have to mention to Giuseppe and Phillip next week that an offer for free food anytime to you might actually put them out of business."

Justin stood there aghast, but fighting laughing himself. He almost responded with your right, before he decided to play the hurt twink.

Brian went over the movers to ask them for help carrying the boxes from his car up to their loft.

Between the 6 of them, they were able to get everything from Brian's car in one trip, especially with the handy use of the elevator to carry the boxes and luggage. After all the luggage and boxes were in the loft, Brian thanked Maria, John, Carl, and Scott for helping and packing. The four of them carpooled often for their job, and took their car back to wherever they were going. They agreed to meet them there the following morning, giving them a bit more time to sleep in. It was a late night for the movers, as they usually didn't work in the evening, but for what they got paid, whenever the customer wanted stuff moved, they would be there. It wasn't exactly a late night for Brian or Justin, but after this week, and what they would be doing later tonight after dinner, they would definitely both appreciate sleeping in.

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><p><strong>AN:** Well, that was longer than expected. … On a completely different note, I know there are some out there who don't like when Justin takes a trip to the top, well, I'd like to take a moment to respond now. Are you sure you know what being in a relationship means? Two people loving and sharing a life, you think Justin lays there and takes it? Women have to be bottoms by design… does that make them weak and sissies? I don't think so… therefore, toppy!Justin and bottom!Brian coming up… and yes, pun intended. ;) Cheers, Laura :)


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